I cut off my best friend because he kept crossing boundaries

[Graystation108]

45 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would never support physical violence as a reaction

Forgive me I forgot to clarify that I meant it as a metaphor. It doesn’t let me edit after a period of time. I meant it as in he would probably be told to screw himself and get blocked afterwards. I worry for the ladies with lower self esteem and don’t have the self love to walk away immediately, because they deserve so much more. Unfortunately, people like my ex-friend exist out there in even worse forms

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Graystation108 said:

Forgive me I forgot to clarify that I meant it as a metaphor. It doesn’t let me edit after a period of time. I meant it as in he would probably be told to screw himself and get blocked afterwards. I worry for the ladies with lower self esteem and don’t have the self love to walk away immediately, because they deserve so much more. Unfortunately, people like my ex-friend exist out there in even worse forms

The good thing is you need not worry. You are not his employer, his mom, his therapist.  Unfortunately there are bad people in the world.  It's a universal truth.  You can live focusing on that truth if you like.  Let other people who interact with him make their own choices.  Not your concern and your worrying doesn't really contribute except telling yourself you were "right" to react as you did -no need to be right - you did what you felt best served you.  Let other individuals do what best serves them.

[Tinydance]

To be honest, you said that you were "best friends" for about a year or so, right? I think true friendship takes long to build and being friends with someone for a year is actually still a getting to know them stage. Most people seem nice at first because you don't know everything about them yet and haven't been around them in different situations. I think maybe you were a bit quick to label this guy as your best friend because you hadn't really known him that long. Take your time getting to know people rather than straight away developing this idea that's you're these big BFF's. When in reality you hadn't known each other that long.

To me this doesn't seem like losing your best friend but rather you jumped in too fast into thinking you were besties and you didn't really know the real him. Now that you know him, you don't necessarily like him that much. And also sometimes you might not like someone that much even if they're a nice person but you just don't click or have really different values and beliefs. E.g. If someone is vegan and animal activist and their friend goes hunting. Their attitudes and beliefs just don't match. To me it seems that this is the case with you and your guy friend.

[Graystation108]

5 hours ago, Tinydance said:

To me this doesn't seem like losing your best friend but rather you jumped in too fast into thinking you were besties and you didn't really know the real him. Now that you know him, you don't necessarily like him that much.

I would agree with you. Normally I'm very wary of letting new people into my life but he was someone who I instantly clicked with during our first conversation, and he said he felt the same way and still called me his best friend up until I cut him off. That made me jump the gun way too fast and I saw him as one of my best friends without even knowing him for too long. In contrast, it took me about a year to fully relax with my other best friend due to experiencing friendship betrayals in the past. I got screwed over hard in primary school and was put in a position where it was impossible for me to speak my truth and be believed by the teacher, hence my teacher full on yelled at and humiliated me in front of the entire class. It wasn't until meeting my ex 4.5 years ago and my best friend (not Josh) 3 years ago that I slowly but surely let my guard down after a decade of not trusting people. I guess I thought to myself that I should be more trusting of people, and just went from one spectrum to the other without realizing it. I definitely learned my lesson to just take it slow and let the wall down inch by inch once they prove to me that they are worthy of being a friend

[Batya33]

I think you were attracted to him and him to you.  I think that's why you glommed on to him this fast.  I'm sorry you had a hard time when you were young. I did too.  I was bullied/teased/socially awkward/humiliated by teachers too.  I think this is a run of the mill situation where you were vulnerable from a breakup and clicked with this guy and enjoyed all the attention he was giving you and how you could cry to him about your ex because he didn't really know him.  You may be slower to trust etc because of what happened to you as a child but I don't think it's what motivated you here to overshare.

[Graystation108]

32 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think you were attracted to him and him to you.

If you're referring to attraction as in seeing each other as potential romantic partners, then I have to disagree. I can't speak for him, but not for a second did I ever think of him that way, this includes after the breakup

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Graystation108 said:

If you're referring to attraction as in seeing each other as potential romantic partners, then I have to disagree. I can't speak for him, but not for a second did I ever think of him that way, this includes after the breakup

I think you sensed early on he was into you - which is fine but can make the dynamic weird.  You leaned on him right away -fast -like he was your therapist which is also not really like getting to know him as a person -as a friend.

[Graystation108]

24 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think you sensed early on he was into you - which is fine but can make the dynamic weird.  You leaned on him right away -fast -like he was your therapist which is also not really like getting to know him as a person -as a friend.

Just to give more context, we already agreed to be school buddies and were helping each other out a lot long before the breakup happened. I didn’t just all of a sudden lean on him from the beginning, just during the breakup. Josh has mentioned to me that he can’t bring himself to like any girl who’s older than him, with me being 2 years older, I felt relieved when he told me that, thinking I won’t have to deal with him being weird due to catching feelings. I also loved my ex with all my heart and didn’t even think towards that direction, nor did I sense that he (allegedly) is into me until my best friend questioned it a month ago. I thought he was just did what he did because he likes to project his beliefs on people 

[Batya33]

Just now, Graystation108 said:

Just to give more context, we already agreed to be school buddies and were helping each other out a lot long before the breakup happened. I didn’t just all of a sudden lean on him from the beginning, just during the breakup. Josh has mentioned to me that he can’t bring himself to like any girl who’s older than him, with me being 2 years older, I felt relieved when he told me that, thinking I won’t have to deal with him being weird due to catching feelings. I also loved my ex with all my heart and didn’t even think towards that direction, nor did I sense that he (allegedly) is into me until my best friend questioned it a month ago. I thought he was just did what he did because he likes to project his beliefs on people 

Ahhh.  I see yes makes sense.