I am 20 years old male, she's 19 years old female

[jorge999]

Hello, three years ago I met a wonderful girl. After some time we both fell in love. After two years of knowing each other, we've been out two ***ing times. She called me out countless times but I avoided it and always found some excuse why not. At that time I was smoking too much weed and mentally I was in total ***. She knew that I smoke weed, but she didn't know what problems it was causing me. By not being able to return the love from her side, I hurt her a lot and she suffered a lot because of me. We didn't hang out together for a long time, but we were in contact. We are having fun again and we have been out 6 times in the last six months. When we're out, it's hard to find a common topic and there's an awkward silence between us. But I am more than sure that she still loves me, she told me that aswel that she still loves me. Lately I have asked her several times to give me chance again, but I know that it is not easy for her and she has a problem believing my words, but I have changed. I haven't smoked weed for almost half a year and I'm starting to get back to normal. However, she is rightly afraid that I will be the same as before and hurt her again. I love her very much, but I don't know what to do. She keeps telling me that I should give it time, but I'm afraid that it won't work out between us. I have a feeling that she is repaying me for my behavior from the past. I would very much like to fix it and gain her trust back. Are there any relationship experts here who could help me? Thank you in advance for your answers and have a nice day.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, jorge999 said:

. After two years of knowing each other, we've been out two  times. . At that time I was smoking too much weed and mentally I was in total ***, she is rightly afraid that I will be the same as before and hurt her again. 

Is this a distance situation? Could you clarify why you've only been on 2 dates in 2 years?  As far as weed use, it's good you're getting clean and sober.

Read up on "amotivational syndrome". Make sure you have structured support and definitely make sure you address underlying issues. As far as this woman,  it's understandable she's cautious. 

[shouldhavelearned]

6 dates in six months

Something isn't right and probably more than weed

You can only cause so much pain and they will move on

 

[smackie9]

You keep blaming the weed....it's not the weed, it's the fact you are not really that into her...her on the other hand is infatuated with you in an unhealthy way. You are just kids learning about life, your feelings and how it all works. You are best to cut ties and move on. Not worth the headache. Keep life simple for yourself. 

[jorge999]

11 hours ago, shouldhavelearned said:

6 dates in six months

Something isn't right and probably more than weed

You can only cause so much pain and they will move on

 

Maybe it was less than 6 months, maybe 3.. I dont want to cause pain to her anymore. She's the one who's causing pain to me right now. After all, she has right to do it, after everything i did to her.

11 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You keep blaming the weed....it's not the weed, it's the fact you are not really that into her...her on the other hand is infatuated with you in an unhealthy way. You are just kids learning about life, your feelings and how it all works. You are best to cut ties and move on. Not worth the headache. Keep life simple for yourself. 

 

[jorge999]

11 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You keep blaming the weed....it's not the weed, it's the fact you are not really that into her...her on the other hand is infatuated with you in an unhealthy way. You are just kids learning about life, your feelings and how it all works. You are best to cut ties and move on. Not worth the headache. Keep life simple for yourself. 

I think i'm into her. I don't think about anything else but her. When I was smoking weed, I was afraid to go out with her. I wasn't myself and I wanted to make the best impression on her. Unfortunately, it didn't work then..

[jorge999]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this a distance situation? Could you clarify why you've only been on 2 dates in 2 years?  As far as weed use, it's good you're getting clean and sober.

Read up on "amotivational syndrome". Make sure you have structured support and definitely make sure you address underlying issues. As far as this woman,  it's understandable she's cautious. 

No, we live few kilometers apart.. I was scared to go out with her because of my weed addiction, i was out of my mind.

[ShySoul]

First of all, it's good that you are getting clean. It's not an easy task and it's something you take day by day, but it's a positive sign that you admit you were messed up and really seem like you want to do better. I also think it's positive that you knew there was a problem, so you held back with her. You could have hurt her a lot worse getting too involved while still as messed up as you say you were.

Unfortunately, there is no magic trick that will fix things, no easy solution. When someone has been hurt, it's natural they guard there heart against being hurt again. All you can do is be there for her and try to make the time together as nice as possible. Remember what you have in common, what drew the two of you to each other. Find activites you can both enjoy. Prove to her day in and day out that you have changed and that you truely care for her. Show her with your words and, most importantly, your actions. Trust is earned, so earn it back by being the man she would want you to be and the man you want to be. Gradually, she may be more comfortable again. And if it doesn't happen, respect that. Ultimately you should want for her what will make her happiest. If she decides it's you, it's perfect. If it's not with you, it will hurt but you will both come out better in the end. 

Good luck and I hope things can work out for you.