ScreamingInfidelities Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Sorry for the long read! But I'll love you forever and appreciate it soooo much if you could read and reply! Thank you! 9 months ago, my life was boring, and all my best friends moved away for college, I just felt lonely and insecure about starting college. So I meet a guy, let's call him, Andy. Andy and I met at this concert, we sat next to each other and everything was uphill from there, he was my breath of fresh air and he was always lifting my spirits up, he was just wonderful. We've gotten to be really close friends to this day and we talk to each other and tell each other everything. About 3 weeks ago, he said that he loved me and I said, "I love you too!" But then he said, "In a 'more than friends' way..." and I just told him the truth, that I only see him as a friend and that I would hate to ruin this amazing friendship we have. Then I could tell he was crushed, like really crushed, an I felt horrible...that night he just kinda went home and isolated himself. So the next day, it was like, it never happened, I mean yeah I felt awkward, but I just love him to death as a friend. So there's my friend I've known for like 2 years, let's call her, Bess. I've never been really really close to her, but we were friends. Turns out Bess likes Andy. My first reaction was 'Oh cool!' because Bess really never likes anyone and yeah, she's such a sweetheart! So I just told her to ask him out or something because he's soooo sweet as well. He said yes...and they write each other these litle love notes, Bess shows all of them to me because she knows I'm close friends with him and she thinks I'm one of the reason's they're together. A few days ago, I saw them holding hands on campus, and I mean that was a little werid for me, and I was with a few other friends who knew about them and they were just like, "awwwwwww." I acted the same way. Yesterday, I saw them kiss...like REALLY REALLY kiss, and honestly I felt crushed. The rest of the day I was pissed off and sad and depressed over the fat that I saw them kissing. Andy and I are lab partners and he's not the same anymore, he doesn't act as wonderful as he did 3 months ago, or whatever. He's kinda rude....and he snaps at me. So he called me today after I was done with all my classes and I didn't say much to him, it was just a quick, "Hi..."..."Bye." I realized that I was mad at him...the first time I've ever been really mad at him... The thing I don't understand is...why in the world am I jealous? I've never seen Andy as 'more than friends', just a really great friend. And why am I mad at him? I guess I just feel like he's different because before we met, we were both kinda....lost and lonely...and we only had each other, but now there's Bess, and I'm not his 'main girl'...so what do I do? what do I say or how do I deal with it? Because I really do miss the old him. Link to comment
brando Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 my only suggestion is try to be happy for him and his girl.... Link to comment
DN Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 I guess you just have to let him go - he has a girlfriend now and that is obviously going to change the way he views you. You see him as a friend - he sees you as a friend who turned him down as a romantic interest. And he may be concerned that any friendship with you could affect his new relationship and so is trying to withdraw. Link to comment
CornflakeGirl Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Well even though you don't see him as more than friends, he was yours exclusively. Now he's not and emotionally you are jealous of the new closeness between him and Bess. Either that or you really do like him as more than a friend, you just can't deal with it yet. Link to comment
ScreamingInfidelities Posted June 8, 2005 Author Share Posted June 8, 2005 my only suggestion is try to be happy for him and his girl.... i've tried, but the more i try and act happy it seems I get more and more depressed. Link to comment
CornflakeGirl Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 thx Brando. I had that happen to me once. I didn't want him but I didn't want him to be close to any other girl. I kinda liked the attention, no matter how altruistic I was trying to be. Link to comment
brando Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 crnflakegrl made a good point...do you think you have deeper feelings for him??? Link to comment
QTpie87 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Well first I do have to say that I think because he is happy you need to let him be happy and not get jealous. If he is your friend then you should be happy he is happy. Unless of course you just realized that you may just like him as more then just a friend . That's what it sounds like to me. But what would you do if you fround out that was the case??? cause you don't want bess to get mad at you, that could possibly take andy away more too. you know??? Um well it is also possible that you are jealous because you don't have him to yourself as much (even if you only like him as a friend) I mean when someone starts dating usually they end up spending a little less time with just their other friends. they are either dragging along their new bf/gf, or just spendign time with them alone, and not as much with their old friends. If that's the case, maybe you should tell him, well hey I know you are dating but it feels like we aren't good friends anymore, and could we hang out more. you need to include bess in the hangouts or at least invite her though so she doesn't feel like you are trying to take her bf, you know. other then that I don't know what to say. good luck. Qtpie87 Link to comment
ScreamingInfidelities Posted June 8, 2005 Author Share Posted June 8, 2005 crnflakegrl made a good point...do you think you have deeper feelings for him??? maybe I do....but I just keep telling myself I don't because I've always heard that whenever a friendship turns into something more, the friendship is ruined...so i don't want that to happen...plus, i can't really see us together... Link to comment
brando Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 ok, then lets rule that out... well maybe then it is like the others said, you too are not together in the same boat anymore...or maybe he is trying to get yur attention, and he sees it isnt working...so he is short with you now.... Link to comment
QTpie87 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 ahh sorry this has nothing to do with this post but hey CORNFLAKEGIRL, YOUR SIGN IN IS AWESOME. LOL. Link to comment
chai714 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Screaming, You might want to remember this for the future - all great relationships are built on a solid friendship. Part of the reason you feel the way you do, is that your friend is not an option you once had (as in boyfriend). Now, you seem to in one way or another want what you can't have. Also, I can understand why you're angry with him but it's not fair. He has a girlfriend now, and that's his #1 priority. You used to be a high, if not his highest priority, but you passed up the chance with him. You can't be mad at him for wanting to make himself happy. You're in a tough situation, but you did have a shot at being his woman. For now, you'll just have to accept that fact that you are not his top priority and be a friend. If you can't handle being his friend right now, let him know. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 well i was in the same boat before...my best guy friend liked our mutual friend..i was all about them hookin up, then i got jealous...it was b/c i felt 'replaced'. i felt like she was now the #1 girl in his life. i felt like our friendship wasnt as special anymore. i felt like he liked her more...but when they stopped seein eachother i was cool again. i think its also b/c deep down i may care about him more than a friend...which i have acknowledged. and felt its best to disconcern myself with. hes too special to risk it... does any of this ring a bell? or sound all too familiar? -DG724 Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 crnflakegrl made a good point...do you think you have deeper feelings for him??? maybe I do....but I just keep telling myself I don't because I've always heard that whenever a friendship turns into something more, the friendship is ruined...so i don't want that to happen...plus, i can't really see us together... YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME! this jealousy is because you have feelings for him you havent admitted to yet. i am/was in the same boat. lol it sucks. -DG724 Link to comment
ScreamingInfidelities Posted June 8, 2005 Author Share Posted June 8, 2005 crnflakegrl made a good point...do you think you have deeper feelings for him??? maybe I do....but I just keep telling myself I don't because I've always heard that whenever a friendship turns into something more, the friendship is ruined...so i don't want that to happen...plus, i can't really see us together... YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME! this jealousy is because you have feelings for him you havent admitted to yet. i am/was in the same boat. lol it sucks. -DG724 that's it exactly!!!!!!!! so what'd you do while they were seeing each other? Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 been their friend like i always have been. but i didnt ask questions about their personal life. lol i didnt care to know. but she had mental problems and actually had to get hospitalized and they fell apart. now im back to being his #1 gal pal. (oh and shes fine now thanks God.) we all hang out every now and again. she is a good friend of mine but we dont talk as much jus b/c people fall apart over time but i told her how i feel/felt about him and she completely understands. she thinks as does everyone else in the world including both our families that we'd be perfect together...his mom introduces me to her family and friends as her future daughter in law or 'her son's fiance' hehehe she even told my mom she wants him to marry me. its so flattering. but i dont think itll ever happen...just one of those things i guess. but hes my best bud ever and i love him no matter what. -DG724 Link to comment
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