Why does my partner always need to be right?

[Batya33]

No I don’t think it’s about “admitting “ when you’re wrong about a small thing. Or being assured you’re “right “ about a small thing. I think when people make mistakes they should apologize - most small things are mistakes or miscommunications.  Or have wiggle room. Constantly having a dynamic where all little stuff is “right “ or wrong is boring and exhausting IMO. My husband texted me something non urgent while I was busily checking out at a market. Typically I’d be fine with it.
 

I was not because our son is away and I was worried it was an issue with him. So I had to stop checking out and get out my phone to check. It’s not right or wrong. From his mindset there’s nothing to worry about. From mine he should know better than to text something mot urgent in this situation.  

Why choose the battle - he said from now on if our son is away or at school he’ll limit such texting. He didn’t mean to alarm me. Why belabor stuff like that ?

I think if you’re going this intense about a bottle opener there’s more going on

[rainbowsandroses]

13 hours ago, Tahivicular said:

why do I stay…when it’s good it’s good.

When I hear people say this, my first thought is - you mean she's mentally abusive but when she's not, she's "normal."

"Normal" being kind and loving, able to discuss issues with openness and maturity which is how she "should" be, it shouldn't be considered as something special or "good."

But yet this is how people who are constantly criticized, stonewalled and blamed for everything (i.e. mentally abused) think.  That behavior that should be a given in any healthy loving relationship is somehow extraordinary and "good" because it's such a contrast from when she or he is abusive.

Life's too short mate.  You should not have to tolerate this.  Make no mistake, It IS abusive, 

I realize everyone is different but I wouldn't last one minute with a person like this no matter how intoxicating the chemistry or that they behave 'normally' when not knocking you down.

Instead of focusing on why she is who she is in your relationship, focus on you and why you choose to stay and tolerate it.

There's another reason why you stay that I would encourage you to explore on your own through reading and self-help and/or with the help of a qualified therapist.

[SooSad33]

15 hours ago, Tahivicular said:

very very rarely will she apologize. It tends to be when she’s clearly at fault for something. If it’s objective she’ll never take blame for it, even when it’s obvious that it’s her fault. 

So a communication issue, along with HIGH defenses going on.  Is probably how she's developed over time.

When there does NOT always need to be 'blame' going on, but more to understanding there was a mix up and chit happens!

 

15 hours ago, Tahivicular said:

, i walked outside without my shoes on (we live in a beach town) and she’s calling me names for doing so..just hurting feelings without a sense for it. Or maybe she does….

Yah, NO need for that kind of behaviour towards you 😕 .  

 

5 hours ago, Tahivicular said:

I am the first one to admit I’m wrong on something or apologize. So yesterday with the bottle opener I said “It’s all my fault again right? Have you ever considered that you just don’t know how to use a bottle opener”

And then YOUR defenses come up because of hers.

 

5 hours ago, Tahivicular said:

And she started bringing up other stuff to “one up”. I truly think it’s a power thing to your point. And worse yet the people around her will notice it if they are with us. 

So, friends etc have seen her at her best? 😉 , lol.  Well what's this tell ya?