Torn need help figuring it out

[Taylor99]

Been married 20 years. Think we are in the best place we have been. Just bought a brand new custom home and things are great. Friday the 14th is her 44th birthday she says she booked herself a free room at the local casino to stay by herself on Thursday night. When I ask why she said so she can get up and do a me day Friday, when I said I’ll stay Thursday night with you she said no. I said we are only 20 minutes from there why stay the night she said because I have to work and since we are not going away like we usually do. Then she says I’m not meeting anyone if that’s what you’re thinking, which it is obv. 
 

so my question is this normal ? She has never done this, is clearly keeping me away, is she meeting someone and how do I handle this emotionally as I’m not taking this well

[SooSad33]

Hi Taylor,

I guess you just leave her to it.  Nothing much you can do.. right?

Then try not to pry into it too much & make her feel guilt, etc.  How about plans for her b-day, asides from that?

Are you two planning on a nice meal out & about or anything?

 

[Taylor99]

Yes we are doing wine tasting at a winery we have a membership too then dinner and getting her a spa day 🙂  I told her she is free to do what she wants and make her own choices I don’t control or demand I don’t do that. I don’t own her, but I do feel respect is needed and boundaries held too so we’ll see what she does. 

[waffle]

1 hour ago, Taylor99 said:

Been married 20 years.

She has never done this

After 20 years of constant togetherness she deserves a night to herself.

[Taylor99]

Yes I suppose so

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Taylor99 said:

 she booked herself a free room at the local casino to stay by herself on Thursday night. 

It's ok for her to take a spa day. What do you mean by "free" room? Was this some sort of thing she won?

[Taylor99]

Yea she gets free rooms because of the slot machines comps 

[smackie9]

And why not take advantage of that? I think it's a good thing to make a change and try something new. Some me time is important. It's healthy. 

[Taylor99]

Yea and I have to work,  guess I’m over analyzing this. 

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, Taylor99 said:

Yea she gets free rooms because of the slot machines comps 

Is she a regular at the casino? Are you concerned she's cheating/meeting someone? Are you concerned she has a gambling habit? If it's just a sort of spa day there's probably nothing to worry about.

[lostandhurt]

I don't see anything wrong with what she planned for herself but her reaction to your questions has my spidey sense going off.

 Let it go but keep your eyes and ears wide open just in case.  Don't ask any more questions or say anything, just watch and see if anything seems off.

 There is a reason you came here and posted so that tells me your gut is telling you something. 

Pay attention, could be something or could be absolutely nothing.

Lost

PS Does she gamble alone or with friends?

[shouldhavelearned]

Not sure it's normal considering it's on her birthday.

Maybe if it was some other day

[Taylor99]

19 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is she a regular at the casino? Are you concerned she's cheating/meeting someone? Are you concerned she has a gambling habit? If it's just a sort of spa day there's probably nothing to worry about.

No she goes once or twice a month. She had an affair 13 years ago so when a flag happens I obv go to that

[Taylor99]

18 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

I don't see anything wrong with what she planned for herself but her reaction to your questions has my spidey sense going off.

 Let it go but keep your eyes and ears wide open just in case.  Don't ask any more questions or say anything, just watch and see if anything seems off.

 There is a reason you came here and posted so that tells me your gut is telling you something. 

Pay attention, could be something or could be absolutely nothing.

Lost

PS Does she gamble alone or with friends?

Alone. Couple times a month only. To relax. That’s pretty normal for her 

[lostandhurt]

12 hours ago, Taylor99 said:

No she goes once or twice a month. She had an affair 13 years ago so when a flag happens I obv go to that

So 7 years into your marriage she cheated.  I totally get why you are uncomfortable about this.

Like I said keep your eyes and ears wide open and IF anything is going on it will show up.

 Secretive with her phone, new clothes, lost weight, preoccupied with  unusual things, new friend and on and on.  You know the drill.

 Hopefully it is nothing

 Lost