Help me see clearer about the last one...

[Sindy_0311]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So he might find it odd you were observing that and find

I just discovered another aspect of him while he was playing and laughing with these kids… I mean some men wouldn’t pay attention to kids this way and I liked it… 

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

And I don't think it has to be either or -either I focus on him or focus on myself. 

I guess this has to do with me not being a big fan of life in general… when jaunty said I had to give it more trust… it’s something hard for me to do, in all aspects of life. Doesn’t mean I am always sad and negative, I think  I’m actually funny and show positivity, but deep down, since I’m a teenager, negativity has always been there, as well as chronic depression. So when something good can happen it’s a big deal for me… yep… 

[boltnrun]

Are you in current treatment for your chronic depression?

[Sindy_0311]

11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Are you in current treatment for your chronic depression?

Of course, I take medication since I’m 20, and had total 5 different therapists since then. I think I accepted the fact that I will always be like that. But medication helps me functioning and levels up my mood when I feel it’s going down again. It’s just a feeling of tiredness that I’m having since a few month… it’s sometimes exhausting having to deal with ups and downs all the time and having the feeling that it will always be this way… 

[Whirling D]

41 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I just discovered another aspect of him while he was playing and laughing with these kids… I mean some men wouldn’t pay attention to kids this way and I liked it… 

I guess this has to do with me not being a big fan of life in general… when jaunty said I had to give it more trust… it’s something hard for me to do, in all aspects of life. Doesn’t mean I am always sad and negative, I think  I’m actually funny and show positivity, but deep down, since I’m a teenager, negativity has always been there, as well as chronic depression. So when something good can happen it’s a big deal for me… yep… 

You and I are a lot alike in that way, Sindy.

[Whirling D]

22 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Of course, I take medication since I’m 20, and had total 5 different therapists since then. I think I accepted the fact that I will always be like that. But medication helps me functioning and levels up my mood when I feel it’s going down again. It’s just a feeling of tiredness that I’m having since a few month… it’s sometimes exhausting having to deal with ups and downs all the time and having the feeling that it will always be this way… 

It wouldn’t be at all surprising if it’s your medication that is causing a lot of those ups and downs and fatigue. Common side effects, unfortunately.

[Sindy_0311]

4 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

It wouldn’t be at all surprising if it’s your medication that is causing a lot of those ups and downs and fatigue. Common side effects, unfortunately.

I don’t know, I don’t take them all the time. I take when I sense that it’s going down again. I would say I am on medication for a few months every year, mostly during autumn/winter, usually in spring and sommer I feel better. I have tried different types, but these pills are the ones who work better for me. When I feel low, I start taking them and after a few days it’s effective… but this year was a bit different, I take them since march and I guess won’t stop until next summer lol… 

[Batya33]

I think it’s more surprising when men connect with kids because of stereotypes. And I think women are expected to be all gushy around young kids and some of them fake it lol.  
I’m sorry you struggle with depression. 

[boltnrun]

Your medication is to be taken on an "as needed" basis?

When I was on meds I was told to take it daily or it wouldn't be effective. But I do know there are some that are to be taken as needed. I have an Ativan script that it to be taken only when in crisis and when I absolutely will not be driving. 

But I agree, if your current meds are not working you may need a different med or maybe an adjustment of your dosage. 

As for this "festival guy", I presume you thought he loves kids since he was playing with some kids so maybe you thought introducing him to yours would draw him closer and make him want to make a serious commitment to you. But that's not a good idea for a number of reasons, the first of which it's far too soon. It should just be the two of you for now.

But if you honestly feel he's not the one for you there's nothing wrong with ending it now. And if you're going to date others as well as him I hope he knows about this. 

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I think it’s more surprising when men connect with kids because of stereotypes. And I think women are expected to be all gushy around young kids and some of them fake it lol.  
I’m sorry you struggle with depression. 

Agree, I’m not really into kids either, except mine 😅 and it’s rare to find men who enjoy others kids. In our friends circle we only had one which was always playing with my boy and I found it very special and great. 

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

As for this "festival guy", I presume you thought he loves kids since he was playing with some kids so maybe you thought introducing him to yours would draw him closer and make him want to make a serious commitment to you.

I already knew he loves playing with kids, he told me about his nephews and how he enjoys spending time with them and playing. I wasn’t surprised, but somehow I always found men like that very attractive and I guess I wanted to see him interact with mine at that moment. Not really to get him more attracted to me because I suspect that the fact that I already have a son might be a little issue at some point. In terms of the time we can spend together and the fact that I’m not able to move away from his school and his dad, because we agreed when we divorced that we would both live in the near neighborhood until our son gets older. On Sunday I asked him whether he was willing to leave his town someday to establish elsewhere. His answer wasn’t all negative but he has his whole family/friends there and I guess that if we someday wanted to live together, it would be complicated… 

[Sindy_0311]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

 

Your medication is to be taken on an "as needed" basis?

When I was on meds I was told to take it daily or it wouldn't be effective. But I do know there are some that are to be taken as needed. I have an Ativan script that it to be taken only when in crisis and when I absolutely will not be driving. 

 

I take the meds daily, it’s called ecitalopram. I take it daily during a few month (6 or 8 months) and do some breaks in between when I feel better…it’s not something you can take occasionally… I even had periods I took for 2 or 3 years daily… I can drive but I still have some minor side effects, that’s why I do breaks when I don’t need them.   

[Batya33]

I think you're moving way too fast with this guy as far as couple/commitment stuff JMHO

[boltnrun]

Maybe your anxiety is caused by how you're trying to fast track this dating situation along with feeling fearful and anxious about being vulnerable. You want a guarantee he'll stick around for the long haul, hence wanting him to get attached to your child and commit to moving near you. But he's hesitating because it's all far too soon to be making those kinds of promises. And when he very reasonably tries to go at a sensible pace you want to end it or date others which is the opposite of the commitment you want from him! 

I'm confused, I can't imagine how he must feel. I thought you were a "go with the flow" type, so why are you trying to rush him? 

[Sindy_0311]

25 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

so why are you trying to rush him?

Ok… outside from sex on 4th date and me bringing up my son on Sunday which was a mistake, I don’t think I’m moving to fast or rushing him. I had 3 dates these two last weeks with other guys, I didn’t bring up the commitment thing, didn’t mentioned feelings or anything. But he asks to see me always more and he adjusts his time to mine. he always reaches out and he introduced me to his friends on Sunday. We are not committed and clearly not official yet. 

It’s been 8 weeks we know each other, was not easy to see each other because of vacations but I think we both take things slow… we don’t talk that much about our relationship outside saying that we enjoy the time we spend together etc… he is the one who always asks whether I see some things that I dislike and how I feel and I always answer that I like how we learn about each other, and that it’s good to take things slow… really, i control myself when I’m with him, but on Sunday, it escaped… and now you think he is confused, but you also suggest I don’t have to explain my self about that? 

I think that what makes it hard for me is to be able to see him only each two weeks, and I suggested this unofficial meet with my son to maybe be able to spend more time with him… I don’t know. But frankly it’s hard for me to go 7 days or more without seeing him… I feel frustrated. Would we be able to see each other 2 or 3 times per week, I think I wouldn’t be so frustrated and in need to rush things as you say… Prior to me bringing up the idea about my son he made a comment about the fact that we wouldn’t be able to see each other again for 7 days. I just replied that even if it’s inconvenient, I can’t change it… 

For me it’s not easy, and I always struggled since my divorce when I was with a guy I liked, having to put on hold again and again… 

don’t you think I should clarify myself or at least talk about it?? 

[boltnrun]

17 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

you also suggest I don’t have to explain my self about that? 

I never said anything like that. I just said if he doesn't know you're dating others it may come as a surprise. But since you two are not exclusive or committed then there's no reason to explain you're dating others because it should be understood.

I am curious, you don't have time to see him more often but you have time to date other men? Or is it him that doesn't have more time to see you?

[Sindy_0311]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

 

I am curious, you don't have time to see him more often but you have time to date other men? Or is it him that doesn't have more time to see you?

I had two dates when he was still on vacation and my son also. and one date last Wednesday. I went to see a movie with a guy, it was planned times ago… 

[MrMan1983]

From my perspective (and this is just my opinion) this guy has acted completely appropriately he's probably very interested judging by his various deep questions (some which actually seem rather forward in my book for only 6-8 dates) but interest levels seem high.

Not really sure why anyone has implied he's not quite as interested as Sindy, comes across as quite the opposite to me (from what she has said).

He's probably nervous about meeting your kid (it can be a big deal so soon) and probably also worried about getting his heart broken if it's something impulsive so it could be that you're both feeling a similar way but he's thinking whoa I want to go down this route but only if this is for real so I'm not entirely surprised he was taken aback a bit for a moment and that he's taking things carefully. It's still early days.

Also if he's been binned off for being too affectionate before he's probably treading carefully too and maybe both worried about scaring each other off.

That's just my hunch though, I could be completely wrong but trying to put myself in his shoes.

[MrMan1983]

6 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I had two dates when he was still on vacation and my son also. and one date last Wednesday. I went to see a movie with a guy, it was planned times ago… 

Please say the movie date wasn't a first date....I give him 2/10 for date ideas 😛 Sitting there in silence unable to talk for hours then sleepily leaving a cinema, the worst. Haha.

[Sindy_0311]

3 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Please say the movie date wasn't a first date....I give him 2/10 for date ideas 😛 Sitting there in silence unable to talk for hours then sleepily leaving a cinema, the worst. Haha.

Haha it was a second date. I wasn’t really sure about that guy, but really wanted to see that movie… I wouldn’t have agreed for the movie if I were more interested in him. We had a drink after that and my turn of was when he expected me to in the bar to order our drinks… hell that was tough!!! I told him please come on, are you serious? Go get the drinks please 😂 

[MrMan1983]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

when he expected me to in the bar to order our drinks

The question is, had he already bought some and it was it your round 😛

[Sindy_0311]

3 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

The question is, had he already bought some and it was it your round 😛

He paid the tickets, I paid the drinks at the movies, so no, it wasn’t my round 😂

[Batya33]

I think he’s as interested as she is and I think he’s not as full on to do all the commitment stuff like meeting her son especially.  Both are true. Since the OP said sex is not a big deal to her and she doesn’t see it as a stronger emotional bond then I don’t think they had sex too fast.  I think she brought up the meeting the child too fast. 

[Sindy_0311]

Maybe I should keep that talk or clarify myself when we will meet again, if really it’s necessary. i didn’t see any difference in his behavior after I proposed him that, in fact he drove me to the mountains to a beautiful, romantic spot with great view and had much pleasure sharing things about his area with me. Today communication is still the same, no changes… still long texts, quick replies and flirty comments… so I guess i will just leave it at this point for the moment.

[Wiseman2]

56 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 should clarify myself or at least talk about it?? 

Does he know about your custody and visitation arrangements? That's really all there is to discuss with him at this point. 

[boltnrun]

Yeah, I didn't say he's not as interested. I said he hesitated to meet your child, which I think was smart. I personally wouldn't introduce a man I'm seeing to my children unless and until we were in a committed, serious relationship for at least six months.  And I wouldn't use a subterfuge such as saying that's Mommy's 'friend'. That's so cliche lol. And kids are smart.