is this possible or even plausible

[TwistedSpark]

So really quick. My gf for eight years and mother to 3 of my children had an affair with a man who was my friend, but I stopped talking to him due to his disrespect. I could see how he was always trying to get with my girl. But permanently hide his alternative motive, a real covert narcissist to the letter. So I did express the concern throughout the year to g/f. And she said they were only friends, and she just wanted to be able to have friends, making me feel like I was controlling because I asked her not to hang out with guys who were not supportive of our relationship. For background, we knew this guy for about five years. I met him right before his g/f overdosed, and I was there for him, making sure he was ok and not alone and keeping the lead from his head. We lived with him for three years, moved away for a year, then moved back to the house across the street after one year of voicing my concern and six months of fighting because I was no longer comfortable with their friendship. She cheated on me with him on Xmas in the woods and again, but this time they just made out two days before my birthday. With all that being said, I had accused her that she was having an emotional affair before she cheated. She claimed they were only friends and only saw him as a friend until they ***ed. Is that possible? Now keep in mind she left me for him, but he didn't want her, etc., but if we take it as truth, how, if at all, is possible, or what do you guys think is happening here besides lying 

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, TwistedSpark said:

She claimed they were only friends and only saw him as a friend until they ***ed. Is that possible?

Nope. She was obviously already attracted to him in some way. We don't just wake up one day and decide to have a romp with a friend. 

And really, it doesn't matter. She cheated on you. That should be a deal-breaker here. Are you actually considering taking her back? That would be a huge mistake. 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, TwistedSpark said:

. My gf for eight years and mother to 3 of my children had an affair with a man who was my friend. We lived with him for three years, moved away for a year, then moved back to the house across the street. she left me for him, but he didn't want her, etc., 

Sorry this happened. How old is she? How old are the children? Are you still together? Do you still live across the street from him?

The specific details of the infidelity aren't as important as what you're doing about it now in terms of living together and your children. How did you discover the affair? Did your GF or the former friend tell you?

[TwistedSpark]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Nope. She was obviously already attracted to him in some way. We don't just wake up one day and decide to have a romp with a friend. 

And really, it doesn't matter. She cheated on you. That should be a deal-breaker here. Are you actually considering taking her back? That would be a huge mistake. 

Your right it should be a deal breaker in honestly just looking for some clarity  wanna look at this from any perspective to understand things I may not have considered

 

[Kwothe28]

I think you are trying to minimalize things. And to say how "She did it only once so its not that bad". No, it is very bad. Your wife cheated on you emotionally and physically. What is worst, she did it with your friend. While gaslighting you for years how you are just imagining things. They are both not just cheaters, they are scum of the earth. You should be furious and throw her out on the street. Where she deserves to be.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, TwistedSpark said:

wanna look at this from any perspective to understand things I may not have considered

What is there to understand? It's not complicated:

She disrespected you and your entire relationship. She dumped you for him. 

I don't know what perspective you think you need to consider, unless you are hoping to find a justification to get back together. 

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Are you actually considering taking her back?

Quoting myself because you didn't answer this - is the above accurate? 

[Siofra123]

10 hours ago, TwistedSpark said:

So really quick. My gf for eight years and mother to 3 of my children had an affair with a man who was my friend, but I stopped talking to him due to his disrespect. I could see how he was always trying to get with my girl. But permanently hide his alternative motive, a real covert narcissist to the letter. So I did express the concern throughout the year to g/f. And she said they were only friends, and she just wanted to be able to have friends, making me feel like I was controlling because I asked her not to hang out with guys who were not supportive of our relationship. For background, we knew this guy for about five years. I met him right before his g/f overdosed, and I was there for him, making sure he was ok and not alone and keeping the lead from his head. We lived with him for three years, moved away for a year, then moved back to the house across the street after one year of voicing my concern and six months of fighting because I was no longer comfortable with their friendship. She cheated on me with him on Xmas in the woods and again, but this time they just made out two days before my birthday. With all that being said, I had accused her that she was having an emotional affair before she cheated. She claimed they were only friends and only saw him as a friend until they ***ed. Is that possible? Now keep in mind she left me for him, but he didn't want her, etc., but if we take it as truth, how, if at all, is possible, or what do you guys think is happening here besides lying 

She was, IMO, definitely attracted to him long before they became physical. Are you sure this was the only time they were together? How did you find out? I would imagine she probably cares about this man. There’s too much at stake to go off with someone and risk a relationship especially when there’s kids involved for a fling, or for someone you don’t care about. 

[TwistedSpark]

14 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What is there to understand? It's not complicated:

She disrespected you and your entire relationship. She dumped you for him. 

I don't know what perspective you think you need to consider, unless you are hoping to find a justification to get back together. 

Quoting myself because you didn't answer this - is the above accurate? 

I agree just looking for closure to the questions of why to help me move on

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, TwistedSpark said:

I agree just looking for closure to the questions of why to help me move on

How long ago did all this happen? Are you still living together? Are you coparenting? Are you still living near the ex friend? What do you mean by "move on"? Getting over her leaving or trying to reconcile? 

 

[TwistedSpark]

On 5/4/2023 at 5:49 AM, MissCanuck said:

What is there to understand? It's not complicated:

She disrespected you and your entire relationship. She dumped you for him. 

I don't know what perspective you think you need to consider, unless you are hoping to find a justification to get back together. 

Quoting myself because you didn't answer this - is the above accurate? 

No I'm not just something I would like to know about

 

[Wiseman2]

47 minutes ago, TwistedSpark said:

No I'm not just something I would like to know about

 

Is she with this man? Are you coparenting? Do you still live across the street? What exactly do you need to know?

She admitted cheating and left you for him. That alone is enough reason to keep your distance and focus only on coparenting. 

[MissCanuck]

On 5/6/2023 at 8:03 AM, TwistedSpark said:

just something I would like to know about

You'll have to make peace with never knowing for sure.