Hello.. trust

[psyvampiress]

Hi all,

 

I am so happy I found this board. Well here is my problem. I have a boyfriend who I have met online in a chat room. We talked on the internet for 6 months, and then he moved here to California to be with me from Texas. We fell in love. We were perfect for one another. Then his ex from Texas decided she was going to take away his parental rights away from him with his 6 year old girl. He loves his girl, and he planned on working out arrangements where he could see her and visit her. So when this happened it broke his heart, so he had to move back to Texas after 3 months of living with me, (4 months ago now) so that hurt us both. So here is the thing I have to deal with now...

 

He is going through a divorce, I knew of this when he lived with me, but this is not the same ex that is taking his parental rights away from him. But he does have a 14 year old from his ex wife. Anyways he is now staying with his ex wife now, he says they are NOT doing anything, he had no where to stay and when he moved here, and he gave his ex his apartment. So she moved into it when he left. It irritates me that he living with her. He says she still loves him (I know thsi because I asked how she feels about him). He says to trust him. I am trying, but it's so hard. He also has not found a job yet, in 4 months.

 

He says now that he will be here in 1 month to be with me. He says all the court stuff should be done by then with his 6 year old.

 

Should I believe him, or is this a little far fetched. I do love him and I miss him sooo much.

[metallicachica247]

Cyber relationships often do not work out from what I hear, if this one does congratulations... if not, i will not be surprised... no offense or anything

[RayKay]

Definitely not an easy situation for you vampiress.

 

Why was that one ex going to take away the parental rights? It just seems odd that that would of all of a sudden happened.....also, do you know what occurred to end these past relationships, two children (well that you told of) with two different women at an age I assume is close to yours - there may be issues there that you do need to delve into deeper. Not trying to be pessimistic, just trying to get better idea of situation.

 

Did he have a job when he moved to be with you? Maybe he is leery of getting something if he is moving back in a month, though a stable job would show good in the courts for him. I guess if he is not working and needs to save money (ie for court fees/lawyers) staying there 'makes sense' but is very uncomfortable for you (would be for me too!) However if he has not had a job in eons, be careful...

 

I think it is *believable*. Not very considerate of your feelings, but I guess he is also thinking of HIS child right now and this is what he needs to do. As to whether YOU believe and trust in it is another matter altogether though.

 

Bottom line is I can't tell you whether to trust him, only you know him, his history, the relationship between him and his ex and so on, as well as whether he holds to promises and his plans. I can say be careful, be honest about how you feel about his arrangements without attacking or being argumentative about it. Just let him know you do feel insecure about the arrangement given HER feelings and possible motives (don't accuse him of having feelings or motives, it may cause him to get defensive and shut the talk down!).

 

Good luck

[Finchabald]

Some times you have to just look inside yourself and discover if you trust him or not. Trust is essential in a healthy relationship, so if you are having these thoughts then maybe being with him isn't such a great idea. You must have trust.

[wynterose]

actions speak louder than words... did he move back?