Ex BF ignoring me but hasn’t blocked me

[caeli2023]

Throughout our relationship I was the main issue, I abused him both emotionally and physically. Never to the point where I gave him a black eye, but I did scratch him as self defense since he was trying to break my phone and throw my purse out of the car. He did a lot of damage to me as well, I do have BPD and it’s very bad. But I was the main problem cuz I would start the fights and I realized there were mostly bad moments than happy ones. I am on medication but unfortunately my BPD is very bad that I can’t afford to forget my pills. So last weekend I forgot to take them because I had to take my other pills for my digestive system. And I was rushing out of the door to drive to his house before he got mad at me and for some reason I felt angry when I arrrived there & I never said Hi I just basically rushed in. He got very very angry at me and hurt my stomach and insulted me badly kicking me out of the house. Then he said he will press charges on me, but if I give him oral sex he wouldn’t. So I gave him that and he didn’t but then I was thinking to myself how much I want to date him again and I’m just being used for sex since i have no self esteem. I refused to have sex and he was giving me oral sex back and I checked my phone and my friend sent me something funny he said “F-You you don’t just start laughing when I’m giving you head” I apologized and told him what happened. He told me to leave his house as he forcefully grabbed my arms and pushed me down the stairs. When I got down I was crying a lot and begging him to calm down. We hugged and I said I will miss you, he said he will miss me a bit as well. Then I couldn’t stop crying as I was driving back I kept texting and he told me to leave me alone that we are forever done and he stopped caring about me months ago and was only with me because he was horny. He said I will never be a quality girl. And that I am the most ugliest person ever. That made me feel like crap, I talked to my therapist but it didn’t help I feel it gets worse talking about him. Then after so many messages he tells me “I am blocking you now, kill yourself, you’re a loser for wanting to give me a xmas gift when you’re gonna be blocked weeks before xmas” Then stupid me messaged him again today begging for him to talk to me. I can’t stop texting him, messages still show as delivered so he never blocked me. But why won’t he just block me if he doesn’t reply to me. 

[Kwothe28]

14 minutes ago, caeli2023 said:

Then he said he will press charges on me, but if I give him oral sex he wouldn’t. So I gave him that

***?!

You are both extremely bad and unajustaded people that probably need years of therapy before you become a functional human beings. Because what you both do is way over the top trailer trash behavior. I implore you to contine with therapy right away. Not just because of the abuse you received and gave back but because of slew of various issues you have like BPD and low self esteem which allows your ex to abuse you.

Also, you block him, stop any contact with him and be happy that whole twisted stuff you do is over. Because the way you two are going next time somebody would indeed get more physically hurt and be a job for a police.

[caeli2023]

9 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Also, you block him, stop any contact with him and be happy that whole twisted stuff you do is over. Because the way you two are going next time somebody would indeed get more physically hurt and be a job for a police

Yes, I should block him but I miss him. It’s sad we both treat each other very badly and I am trying to fix it but he is the one that has started grabbing me and being physical when he gets mad. I try to calm him down but it never works. I don’t know what else to do, I gave him plenty of money in the past because all the times I acted irrational he wound threaten to leave me and have to call uber which would cost me over $100 to get back to his place.

[boltnrun]

What does your therapist think about this toxic, unhealthy and abusive relationship? Do they encourage you to keep seeing this guy?

[Batya33]

If this is true your main concern should be inevitable involvement by the police and trouble for both of you.  It doesn't matter if he blocks you or not.  This is a very dangerous situation for you for many reasons so you have to choose to stop  texting him -of course you can -and choose to stay very very far away from him even if you miss him.  You can miss him and choose to react in a way that doesn't put you in danger of being arrested or beaten or worse.

[DarkCh0c0]

19 hours ago, caeli2023 said:

I can’t stop texting him, messages still show as delivered so he never blocked me. But why won’t he just block me if he doesn’t reply to me

Please, stick to therapy and start removing this very very toxic guy and relationship from your life. Stop texting him as of right now. Don't go back to his place. Nothing. Block him out of your life and don't let him in no matter what BS he pulls. Every time you want to text him, go on a walk, listen to a song, write your feelings on a piece of paper, but don't text him.

You need to focus on YOU and on healing all the traumas you have and that will take months. Please. Focus on YOU. You need to start to cultivate healthy habits in your life and you need to get to the root of your abuse patterns. By doing so, you'll start finding ways to be happy and healthy. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's time for you to get on a healing journey. Good job on starting therapy.

[DarkCh0c0]

19 hours ago, caeli2023 said:

Yes, I should block him but I miss him

It's normal to miss him as it's early in the break up, but be an adult and don't act based on those feelings. Practice restraining yourself. Just don't be tempted and do something else instead. He's such a pos. You don't want such horrible energy in your life. At this point, he treats you lower than a sex worker. Please. No more BS from him. Block him everywhere.