Should I ask her out again, or Move on? (Long post)

[MetalAlloy]

So heres the backstory, might be a long post.

Last year I moved to a new city and started a new job where me and this girl met. Im a 23 year old virgin, never had a girlfriend, no experience, never kissed, only got a blowjob once by this one girl I met at a Walmart that approached me and she just went straight for it that night in her car. Still cant believe that happened. Anyways,

shes out my leauge, better looking than me, and skinny. Never thought much of her sexually, I was attracted to her, but I didnt care to try and get with her, especially since my type is Thicker girls. One of the guys starts dating her at the job and fast forward a few months he kicks her ass, leaves bruises and marks on her, than leaves her stranded at the beach. From one bad situation to another she ends up getting kicked out her parents house and has to live out her car. At my job a few days later I mention I gotta go to another city to help my dad out that night with something, she immediately responds with "I want to go!" I asked why and if she was sure because It was going to be something mind numbingly long and boring I would be helping him out with, but she insisted and said she had literally nowhere else to go anyways, then told me everything that happened to her a few days prior.

I figured if she liked me she would do some kind of gesture, escalation or something on her part since she was the one that tagged along anyways, but she didnt. That whole night I was looking out for some form of interest from her so I could jump on it, but nothing. I think she was shy, idk. I told my story online and too some friends and they said I screwed up, I should've made a move when we were alone that night but instead I was stupidly looking for her to do something. Of course when I took her back to our job the next day, and coworkers knew we were in another city alone last night obviously they were thinking we probably banged or something (when a guy and girl hangout alone thats just what you're going to think) and were implying we were, further insinuating how stupid I was to have not made a move that night. Although I still feel like she couldve done something herself but whatever, or maybe she wasnt sexually interested, ill never know now. I told her I'm always doing stuff in that city since all my friends are there and she said she'll tag along with me smiling. However my friends didnt really have much interesting going on in the few months so I never asked her if she wanted to come along.

One day at work after, the previous situation, I told another female coworker I was going to ross(clothong store) that night, and she immediately said she wanted to come with me, then the other coworker said she wanted to come to. She then said "its a date". I tried not to come off as an overly excited virgin so I just said its not a date a few times and she said it was. Anyways we all went, they went to their section, I went to mine, I told them i got everything I wanted, they said I could leave and didnt need to wait for them, so I did. I dont know if her saying it was a date was another sign that I missed, or if it was nothing, but I didn't ask if they wanted to do anything later anyways, didn't think too.

Fast forward a month later, shes still homeless, manager finds out about the situation and starts telling me despite me already knowing for a month, she described it as if things got even worse, so I asked her if she wanted to go over to my dads house again at the job so I could make my move this time, but she shook her head quickly smiled and said no. I figured that was the end of it right there, no problem, at this time I still wasnt all that into her anyways, so it didnt hurt. Then I learned she got back with her boyfriend around that time, which might've been why she said no, the guy ended up beating her ass and bruising her again, shocking......then they finally broke up again.

At the job she tells me she messed around with someone else that worked here, I guessed all the names and it was a guy I least expected, because he barely worked and I never saw him and her work together before. She said she only used him that one night to get back at her boyfriend for beating her up, than ditched him immediately afterwards despite him trying to hook up with her again. And because he was a firefighter, just like her boyfriend was. It made me wonder, if she was trying to use me for the same reason or if she was just really desperate and lost that day since she was homeless.

After more failures and blown opportunities with woman while at my job I learned more about escalating,  and the game I have to play, so I'm getting more confident and ask her if she wants to go to the lake with me and my friends on the weekend. She said yeah, but it ended up raining that day so we couldn't go. My friends suggested bowling instead. I said we were gonna do that instead since it rained, but it was her birthday that day so she went to go see her best friend in another city. I figured if she really liked me she would've went bowling with me, but she didn't, so i didn't bother asking her anywhere after that again.

Another day at the job while us and two other female coworkers were talking she straight up asked me if I had ever had a girlfriend before, I quickly lied and said "yes, of course" in my normal tone of voice(didnt stutter or act nervous despite out unexpected that was), she then said "really!"? in a shocked tone and said she wanted to see her. Of course as a 23 year old virgin with no experience I had no pictures or anything so I kept telling her no, then panicked and said if you want to know what she looks like, she looks like (insert another female coworker that was there with us) but with a bigger ass. *Facepalm*.

She either tried to help, or sabotaged me on this one. There was this one girl at my job my coworkers kept telling me liked me and wanted to bang me. Huge story on that one, but to make a long story short, it eneded up in a catastrophic faliure and nothing happened between us. But I'm mentioning this because she tried to give me advice on how to get with this girl that liked me. She told me (Girls dont like guys that dance around the equation,, your both looking for sex, just ask her if she wants to ***). I knew that was a terrible idea, i dont have the looks to do something like that, that isnt something I could pull off. But she kept trying to convince me too. That girl that liked me btw was the one that went with us to ross that night and they had each others phone numbers and talked sometimes. Because of this i trusted her thinking she knew her preferences and what not so I said *** it and asked the girl if she wanted to have sex over text messages(Extreme cringe ensued) and the girl got pissed at me and sent screenshots of what I sent her to my friend, who laughed and said she was scared and didnt know what to do. I was pissed at her for not trying to clear up the situation for me, instead she just avoided it and told me she didnt expect her to react like that and that I should just "move on to another girl, theirs plenty".

a month later I decide to quit the current job I was working and go work at the job my mom worked at since it paid better and hours were better, and I hated my current job. When I told her what the job was she said she wanted to work there too since she didn't like it here either, and the work we were doing fit with her field of work and degree(social worker).

I start at the job a month earlier than her, and now we both work their together. I tried to throw some bait and she if she would catch it twice. She asked If I still went to the gym, I said not as often because I don't have a partner unless she wants to go with me, to which she said when do you go after work?, I'd be too tired, then said she would pick a day out the week to go with me. Which she never did. Another night at the new job she told me she had this old game console that I liked. I asked her if she was gonna come and drop it off at my house after work(then when she came I would ask if she wanted to come over and play it with me) to which she said "tonight. I'm too tired." I figured if she was interested she would get at what I was doing, IDK, but my implications also were probably weak and dumb looking back at it. She lives by herself, her one female friend atleast that I know of in the city moved back to Michigan. Don't know if she currently has a boyfriend or is talking/messing with other guys either. She told me earlier at the previous job that she never really did boyfriends or dating either, so idk if shes shy or what, I cant get a read on her.

Anyways we don't talk all day long or anything, just like the previous jobs. We have spurts of good conversation here and there, awkward silences that I feel like we can both feel, or at least I do. I have good social skills, but we dont have anything in common, and I dont like carrying or forcing conversation.  I regret telling her about this job, Because i've know her for so long now im starting to really like her and its getting awkward, I don't want her around anymore because of my sexual tension. We dont talk outside of work either, we only send snapchats about something involving work, which she initiates. I dont bother her or anything, last time I did was to see if she wanted to bowl after we couldnt go to the lake.

So if anyone stuck around to read all of this, what do you make of it? 

[Kwothe28]

You are a virgin but you should at least have some standards. A girl that is in abusive relationship, that gets thrown away from home, and that gets back at her boyfriend by hooking up with some other guy, is the definition of "no go" zone. Meaning that you shouldnt, under any circumstances initiate anything serious with somebody that problematic no matter how hot she is. Sex? Maybe. But even that could get you in the hot water with her boyfriend and in a various problems.

Also, if she tells you about her hooking up with the other guys, you are by definition "friendzoned" there. So even sex is probably off the table.

Leave it and find somebody rather normal to date. Normal in a sense that it wont get you into trouble if you do it.

[Wiseman2]

If you are not interested in dating her, it would be best not to try to take advantage of her homeless situation to "make your move". Trying to get sexual favors in exchange for something is not the way to go.

If you are ready to date women, ask the women you like out on real dates and ignore these people who tell you you need to 'make a move' asap or try to take advantage of disenfranchised women.

[kctiger]

I didn’t read your entire post as I get a distinct vibe from the way you talk, and the advice of those surrounding you, that you view woman as a means to an end. In this instance, it’s losing your virginity.  I guess there’s nothing wrong with that if both parties are looking for the same thing. 

Don’t get so caught up in trying to lose your virginity that you let it destroy any emotional self control you have. Sometimes you end up regretting taking advantage of certain situations. Better not to learn that the hard way. Virgin or not, part of life is being direct about what you want and asking women out on a date. Only way you know for sure what the outcome would be. 

[JoyfulCompany]

In general, I find trying to make a move on someone who just shared with you they were recently abused, well, predatory.

As to the girl that is the subject of this topic - no. It's been too messy already, keep your distance.

As to the ex-coworker you texted to suggest having sex - don't let others around you influence you so badly. That was wildly inappropriate on your side.

Try properly dating outside of work.

[smackie9]

So this girl tells you these guys are beating her....mmmm that's possible but it could also be lies for attention. You dude are totally friend zoned..know it when you see it. This girl is probably a bit of a user too, so stay clear. I know you would like to get laid, have a GF but this type, and dating coworkers should be totally out. I agree it's better to date someone outside of work so there is no influence from others. Being inexperienced makes you a target for workplace bullying. The less they know about your private life the better you will be off. I hope you can finally meet a nice girl soon.

[MetalAlloy]

55 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are not interested in dating her, it would be best not to try to take advantage of her homeless situation to "make your move". Trying to get sexual favors in exchange for something is not the way to go.

If you are ready to date women, ask the women you like out on real dates and ignore these people who tell you you need to 'make a move' asap or try to take advantage of disenfranchised women.

Shes not homeless anymore, she lives alone. I kinda structured my post in order of everything that happened.

 

As for dating woman outside of work etc. I dont like putting myself out there, bad experiences from bullying in the past led to that. If I have a group of friends to go with somewhere than I will, but my social circle is composed of 5 dudes and they dont go to places where we can meet girls, and im not going out anywhere alone so work is pretty much my only oppurtunity to meet anyone. Will I go to the grave as a virgin like this, most likely, but I'm fine with that. But im not interested in putting myself out there and being a social god.

[MetalAlloy]

12 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

So this girl tells you these guys are beating her....mmmm that's possible but it could also be lies for attention. You dude are totally friend zoned..know it when you see it. This girl is probably a bit of a user too, so stay clear. I know you would like to get laid, have a GF but this type, and dating coworkers should be totally out. I agree it's better to date someone outside of work so there is no influence from others. Being inexperienced makes you a target for workplace bullying. The less they know about your private life the better you will be off. I hope you can finally meet a nice girl soon.

It was one guy, he was the typical thug type of guy. and he did beat her, I saw the marks and bruises and so did the rest of our co workers. Everyone knew.

Nobody besides her asked or thought I was a virgin. I lied all the time about getting laid if someone brought up the topic of girls and no one questioned me or asked for proof, except her. 

[MetalAlloy]

44 minutes ago, JoyfulCompany said:

In general, I find trying to make a move on someone who just shared with you they were recently abused, well, predatory.

As to the girl that is the subject of this topic - no. It's been too messy already, keep your distance.

As to the ex-coworker you texted to suggest having sex - don't let others around you influence you so badly. That was wildly inappropriate on your side.

Try properly dating outside of work.

I didnt make a move on her, she asked to go with me to my dads house after everything had happened. In hindsight It was probably best that I did make a move on her. Unfourtanetly all this "moral" dribble is pointless. Evil and predatory behavior is what wins in this world, not that im encouraging evil, but taking your shot when you have a potential chance or window of oppurtunity is the best move to make to get what you want.

 

I agree it was dumb on my side to send what i sent to that other coworker, but isnt it also wildly innappropiate on her side that she went around telling other coworkers she wanted to me to f*uck me and thought I was "fine" as in goodlooking? That same coworker sent me a spongebob meme with spongebob choking patrick and it saying "when your boyfriend chokes you but you love it" or something amongst those lines. Theres another whole saga that happened with that girl, its a long story.

[Batya33]

57 minutes ago, kctiger said:

I didn’t read your entire post as I get a distinct vibe from the way you talk, and the advice of those surrounding you, that you view woman as a means to an end. In this instance, it’s losing your virginity.  I guess there’s nothing wrong with that if both parties are looking for the same thing. 

Don’t get so caught up in trying to lose your virginity that you let it destroy any emotional self control you have. Sometimes you end up regretting taking advantage of certain situations. Better not to learn that the hard way. Virgin or not, part of life is being direct about what you want and asking women out on a date. Only way you know for sure what the outcome would be. 

Me too and it disincentives me to give advice.  You sound like you're talking about the cut of meat you want with "thicker girl" and you come across as desperate and that you don't really like these women for who they are just what they can supply you - a vagina for you to penetrate then brag about it online. 

I'd say ask out a woman -who you are attracted to -including physical looks yes but not in that piece of meat way - when you decide you want to get to know a person -the whole person -for purposes of going on proper dates, getting to know the person -even if it's casual dating - a person you have a romantic interest in to do fun activities with, have interesting conversations, have some adventures maybe and also be romantic and affectionate. 

Until then I'd avoid getting entangled in train wrecks especially at your place of work.

[MetalAlloy]

59 minutes ago, kctiger said:

I didn’t read your entire post as I get a distinct vibe from the way you talk, and the advice of those surrounding you, that you view woman as a means to an end. In this instance, it’s losing your virginity.  I guess there’s nothing wrong with that if both parties are looking for the same thing. 

Don’t get so caught up in trying to lose your virginity that you let it destroy any emotional self control you have. Sometimes you end up regretting taking advantage of certain situations. Better not to learn that the hard way. Virgin or not, part of life is being direct about what you want and asking women out on a date. Only way you know for sure what the outcome would be. 

I mean 99% of men trying to date and go out with woman is them trying to get laid. That dosent mean its the only thing they're looking for, but its the main motivator. Funny enough being direct would be just straight up asking someone of the opposite sex if they wanted to hook up, its actually indirect to just ask for dates in stuff when in reality your main motivation is to get laid, but thats what were conditioned and programmed to do.

[MetalAlloy]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Me too and it disincentives me to give advice.  You sound like you're talking about the cut of meat you want with "thicker girl" and you come across as desperate and that you don't really like these women for who they are just what they can supply you - a vagina for you to penetrate then brag about it online. 

I'd say ask out a woman -who you are attracted to -including physical looks yes but not in that piece of meat way - when you decide you want to get to know a person -the whole person -for purposes of going on proper dates, getting to know the person -even if it's casual dating - a person you have a romantic interest in to do fun activities with, have interesting conversations, have some adventures maybe and also be romantic and affectionate. 

Until then I'd avoid getting entangled in train wrecks especially at your place of work.

Oh boy. Listen, either a real relationship or fwb type of relationship is fine with me. Why is it bad that as a man I want to get laid? I dont care about bragging about anything. How am I desperate, when i'm not even pursuing woman? You didnt even read my entire post.

[kctiger]

6 minutes ago, MetalAlloy said:

I mean 99% of men trying to date and go out with woman is them trying to get laid. That dosent mean its the only thing they're looking for, but its the main motivator. Funny enough being direct would be just straight up asking someone of the opposite sex if they wanted to hook up, its actually indirect to just ask for dates in stuff when in reality your main motivation is to get laid, but thats what were conditioned and programmed to do.

99% of boys think that way, but it would be dumb of me to try and help you think otherwise. Anyone can get laid man. You can pay to get laid, so there's no real challenge to doing so. Now actually connecting with someone on an emotional level, that takes a little effort. I find it ironic, the person who has yet to get laid, is telling me the difference between direct and indirect approaches when talking to the opposite sex. 

I'm way beyond talking to women just to get laid. It's about the farthest thing from my mind when actually speaking to woman. If I wanted to get laid I'd just skip past the date part and save myself money and time on dinner and meaningless conversation. 

[MetalAlloy]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

You are a virgin but you should at least have some standards. A girl that is in abusive relationship, that gets thrown away from home, and that gets back at her boyfriend by hooking up with some other guy, is the definition of "no go" zone. Meaning that you shouldnt, under any circumstances initiate anything serious with somebody that problematic no matter how hot she is. Sex? Maybe. But even that could get you in the hot water with her boyfriend and in a various problems.

Also, if she tells you about her hooking up with the other guys, you are by definition "friendzoned" there. So even sex is probably off the table.

Leave it and find somebody rather normal to date. Normal in a sense that it wont get you into trouble if you do it.

She got thrown out of her home because her sisters boyfriend kept peeing in her lotion and shampoo bottles and her mom sided with the sister. She didnt actually get thrown out, she just left because of the situation.

But yeah its just hard to move on since I have no other options and I have to see her at work all the time.

[Batya33]

Just now, MetalAlloy said:

Oh boy. Listen, either a real relationship or fwb type of relationship is fine with me. Why is it bad that as a man I want to get laid? I dont care about bragging about anything. How am I desperate, when i'm not even pursuing woman? You didnt even read my entire post.

It's not bad for a person to want sexual intercourse at all.  I just am not the right person to advise another person on how to find a person to have sexual intercourse with.  You come across as desperate to be with a woman because she has a vagina no matter what her situation.  People who are desperate don't need to be pursuing anyone -it's a mindset.  Women who are of reasonable self esteeem, character and integrity will smell that a mile away unless the woman is also looking for sexual intercourse. Not FWB -your comments show you are not interested in being friends with a woman.  If a woman is looking for sexual intercourse with a man she might have reasonable self esteem and those women most likely will be found in a bar or a club on a weekend night, or on a site geared to finding people who are looking for sexual intercourse.  It's really not that difficult.  I am not the right person because I think there are too many risks involved in having a sex partner in your situation - risks of unwanted pregnancies, STDs, and furthering your mindset about women as pieces of meat. 

So -where you can find a woman to have sexual intercourse with -if that is truly what you want and you don't care to pay a prostitute or escort -is what I wrote -but why start a post about that -it's easy to find a sex partner. 

But my real advice is to wait to have intercourse in the context of a relationship based on respect, care, compassion, thoughtfulness and with the whole person not her vagina. 

[MetalAlloy]

5 minutes ago, kctiger said:

99% of boys think that way, but it would be dumb of me to try and help you think otherwise. Anyone can get laid man. You can pay to get laid, so there's no real challenge to doing so. Now actually connecting with someone on an emotional level, that takes a little effort. I find it ironic, the person who has yet to get laid, is telling me the difference between direct and indirect approaches when talking to the opposite sex. 

I'm way beyond talking to women just to get laid. It's about the farthest thing from my mind when actually speaking to woman. If I wanted to get laid I'd just skip past the date part and save myself money and time on dinner and meaningless conversation. 

You dont need to have done something to have knowledge on something.

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Meaning that you shouldnt, under any circumstances initiate anything serious with somebody that problematic no matter how hot she is. Sex? Maybe.

No, not sex either.  Her life is a tragedy, whether of her own making or not.  Don't take advantage of people who are having hard times.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, kctiger said:

mean 99% of men trying to date and go out with woman is them trying to get laid.

Not the men I dated and dated over a hundred men -there were a few who were focused on quick sex and my focus was on making sure I did not interact with those men again so they could meet people who wanted casual sex.  I was mostly treated with respect and like a lady and dated for 24 years on and off. I started dating as a teenager. I stopped dating at age 39.

Both men and women date in part because at some point in time if they are attracted to each other they might choose to be sexual or have intercourse.  One of my nieces is around your age.  Her husband met her when they were teenagers.  They married when they were teenagers.  They dated for years before marriage and waited for marriage.  His focus was on getting to know her and on loving her and caring for her and that was her focus with respect to him. 

They're both extremely attractive looking.  Now their focus is on raising their 3 boys to be good people too. 

My other friend has 3 kids in their 20s and they each have partners - one is engaged and the other two are very serious.  They are together because they love and care for each other -her two sons never focused on "getting laid" and that is probably why they found lovely women to be with.

Her daughter is the same and the daughter's boyfriend lives with her and my friend - she would never allow a man to live in her home who she felt had ever objectified their daughter and focused on getting laid. 

Focused I mean.  Wanting sex in the context of a dating relationship is perfectly normal.  For men and women. 

It's not a good look the way you refer to women and how  you interact with and plan to interact with women.  

[kctiger]

4 minutes ago, MetalAlloy said:

You dont need to have done something to have knowledge on something.

Since you have knowledge, how has it worked out for you? Or are you not applying the knowledge and telling women you simply want to hookup? Seems to me you have your answer with regards to that part. 

[MetalAlloy]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It's not bad for a person to want sexual intercourse at all.  I just am not the right person to advise another person on how to find a person to have sexual intercourse with.  You come across as desperate to be with a woman because she has a vagina no matter what her situation.  People who are desperate don't need to be pursuing anyone -it's a mindset.  Women who are of reasonable self esteeem, character and integrity will smell that a mile away unless the woman is also looking for sexual intercourse. Not FWB -your comments show you are not interested in being friends with a woman.  If a woman is looking for sexual intercourse with a man she might have reasonable self esteem and those women most likely will be found in a bar or a club on a weekend night, or on a site geared to finding people who are looking for sexual intercourse.  It's really not that difficult.  I am not the right person because I think there are too many risks involved in having a sex partner in your situation - risks of unwanted pregnancies, STDs, and furthering your mindset about women as pieces of meat. 

So -where you can find a woman to have sexual intercourse with -if that is truly what you want and you don't care to pay a prostitute or escort -is what I wrote -but why start a post about that -it's easy to find a sex partner. 

But my real advice is to wait to have intercourse in the context of a relationship based on respect, care, compassion, thoughtfulness and with the whole person not her vagina. 

"You come across as desperate to be with a woman because she has a vagina no matter what her situation."

Nobody can magically sixth sense that unless you do something in person body language or speech wise to give off those impressions. I only asked this girl if she wanted to go out to the lake and then the gym once, nothing more. I also never even made a move or took advantage of her when she came to my dads house and we were alone right after she was homeless and got beat by her boyfriend. 

I dont mind doing dates and all the courting stuff, thats what I was trying to do in the first place, just wanted to know if people thought I should move on from this particular girl or not. Everyone is telling me to stay clear however so thats what i'm going to do, thanks.

[MetalAlloy]

5 minutes ago, kctiger said:

Since you have knowledge, how has it worked out for you? Or are you not applying the knowledge and telling women you simply want to hookup? Seems to me you have your answer with regards to that part. 

Dude you cant tell woman "Lets hookup" with success unless your a high enough status guy like a celebrity, well known athlethe, or very hot or something.  We all know that. Every normal dude has to play the dating game.

That also wasnt the purpose of the response I sent you. My point was that asking straight up for a hookup is direct, while asking woman out to dates and stuff if your intention is to get laid is actually indirect.

[MetalAlloy]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Not the men I dated and dated over a hundred men -there were a few who were focused on quick sex and my focus was on making sure I did not interact with those men again so they could meet people who wanted casual sex.  I was mostly treated with respect and like a lady and dated for 24 years on and off. I started dating as a teenager. I stopped dating at age 39.

Both men and women date in part because at some point in time if they are attracted to each other they might choose to be sexual or have intercourse.  One of my nieces is around your age.  Her husband met her when they were teenagers.  They married when they were teenagers.  They dated for years before marriage and waited for marriage.  His focus was on getting to know her and on loving her and caring for her and that was her focus with respect to him. 

They're both extremely attractive looking.  Now their focus is on raising their 3 boys to be good people too. 

My other friend has 3 kids in their 20s and they each have partners - one is engaged and the other two are very serious.  They are together because they love and care for each other -her two sons never focused on "getting laid" and that is probably why they found lovely women to be with.

Her daughter is the same and the daughter's boyfriend lives with her and my friend - she would never allow a man to live in her home who she felt had ever objectified their daughter and focused on getting laid. 

Focused I mean.  Wanting sex in the context of a dating relationship is perfectly normal.  For men and women. 

It's not a good look the way you refer to women and how  you interact with and plan to interact with women.  

I'm not referring to quick sex, but 99% of guys are expecting sex at some point in the relationship unless they're asexual. Otherwise they wouldnt go through all the dating stuf, its just something that has to be done. That isnt to say thats the only thing they're after, but yeah.

[kctiger]

20 minutes ago, MetalAlloy said:

Dude you cant tell woman "Lets hookup" with success unless your a high enough status guy like a celebrity, well known athlethe, or very hot or something.  We all know that. Every normal dude has to play the dating game.

That also wasnt the purpose of the response I sent you. My point was that asking straight up for a hookup is direct, while asking woman out to dates and stuff if your intention is to get laid is actually indirect.

The point I was making about being direct is that if you are into a woman, ask her out on a date instead of dancing around the topic or trying to read tea leaves. Obviously that opens you up to being rejected, which unfortunately is part of a man's world as we're expected to make the move. As others have stated, and beyond this woman's emotional and personal struggles, dating someone at work can be very complicated. I'm speaking from experience in that it can create some very awkward situations, especially if things go south. It already seems like there's been enough drama surrounding this situation anyway so I'd probably back off. 

[MetalAlloy]

14 minutes ago, kctiger said:

The point I was making about being direct is that if you are into a woman, ask her out on a date instead of dancing around the topic or trying to read tea leaves. Obviously that opens you up to being rejected, which unfortunately is part of a man's world as we're expected to make the move. As others have stated, and beyond this woman's emotional and personal struggles, dating someone at work can be very complicated. I'm speaking from experience in that it can create some very awkward situations, especially if things go south. It already seems like there's been enough drama surrounding this situation anyway so I'd probably back off. 

Gotcha. And yeah I have no fear of rejection or anything I asked her to hang out a few months ago and things didnt fall through. Just wanted to know what you guys thought about the situation and everyone seems to say I should leave her be and move on, so thats what i'm going to to bro, thanks. Its gonna be tough since I have to see her all the time but I wont bother her.

[kctiger]

7 minutes ago, MetalAlloy said:

Gotcha. And yeah I have no fear of rejection or anything I asked her to hang out a few months ago and things didnt fall through. Just wanted to know what you guys thought about the situation and everyone seems to say I should leave her be and move on, so thats what i'm going to to bro, thanks. Its gonna be tough since I have to see her all the time but I wont bother her.

Yeah man it sucks liking someone at work, trust me. Going through some of that myself right now. But I've been on the opposite side, where we did hookup then things took a massive turn south and I almost lost my job. In general I try not to get involved with woman at work, but I'd be remiss if I didn't admit that my 2 longest relationships, and best, were from work females I met at work. It's just a very risky venture that can have disastrous results. So you have to weigh the risk and reward. 

You'll see a lot of folks on here who have to work with their ex. Now that would be brutal, having to see the person who broke your heart day in and day out and try to act like you're a functioning human being. No thanks.