Should I ask him if we can be friends?

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Cupcakexox said:

Sleeping with someone doesn't automatically mean you can't be friends.

Again, would you be okay with hearing about the other women he dates or has sex with?

Don't fool yourself into thinking he won't do this, just because he told you he doesn't have time to date right now. He isn't going to stay single forever. 

[boltnrun]

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

He isn't going to stay single forever. 

Or celibate.

It seems you're willing to provide him with commitment-free sex but that doesn't mean he intends to stay sexually faithful to you.

If you honestly would not feel the slightest bit of hurt or jealousy when he brings other women home for sex, then protect yourself by insisting he use condoms and go ahead. I would suggest you forego the oral because unless you have him wear condoms while you perform oral you are NOT protected.

[Cupcakexox]

I called him on Halloween and apologized he said things happen we talked he asked me to come over. He told me he wasn't lying about not wanting to and not having time to date. And that he hasn't had sex with anyone else. So I saw him again last week, but I am currently talking to a new guy.

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

I called him on Halloween and apologized he said things happen we talked he asked me to come over. He told me he wasn't lying about not wanting to and not having time to date. And that he hasn't had sex with anyone else. So I saw him again last week, but I am currently talking to a new guy.

It's good you're seeing someone. Now that you have closure, discontinue contact with this man. Don't try to be friends.

[Cupcakexox]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's good you're seeing someone. Now that you have closure, discontinue contact with this man. Don't try to be friends.

Yeah, but we had sex and I'm just talking to the new guy. We haven't actually met in person yet. He said he's a hopeless romantic and wants a relationship. So I'm not really sure what I want with him but I think I'll meet him in person.

[Cupcakexox]

I helped him clean a little because his house was messy. I guess maybe I feel empathy because he's a diabetic but I know I probably shouldn't be so nice. 

[Batya33]

Just now, Cupcakexox said:

I helped him clean a little because his house was messy. I guess maybe I feel empathy because he's a diabetic but I know I probably shouldn't be so nice. 

You’re not being nice - I mean the result is nice for him but you weren’t motivated by pity for his diabetic condition.  My friend is diabetic and cleans her house takes care of her three kids and cares for her husband who has cancer. She’s in her late 40s. You want him to want you in a way he doesn’t.  Mostly it’s to play wifey and show him what an awesome partner you’d make in addition to being a sex partner. So you’re being mean to yourself. You’re choosing to settle for scraps. That’s not nice really.  

[Cupcakexox]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

You’re not being nice - I mean the result is nice for him but you weren’t motivated by pity for his diabetic condition.  My friend is diabetic and cleans her house takes care of her three kids and cares for her husband who has cancer. She’s in her late 40s. You want him to want you in a way he doesn’t.  Mostly it’s to play wifey and show him what an awesome partner you’d make in addition to being a sex partner. So you’re being mean to yourself. You’re choosing to settle for scraps. That’s not nice really.  

It's not about me wanting him to want me in a way that he doesn't. I'm not playing wifey I don't want to be anybody's wife I've never wanted to be married. Even though he never said he didn't want me in that way. He said he didn't want to be in a relationship not that he didn't want me specifically there is a difference. And yeah I know you are going to say he just doesn't want me in that way. Because it's just not possible that perhaps he just doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. Anyway I'm not saying that diabetics can't take care of themselves that's not what I'm saying. He works a lot the work is very physical and sometimes he complains about being in pain. If I were settling for scraps I wouldn't be talking to another guy who wants to be in a relationship with me. 

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Cupcakexox said:

I helped him clean a little because his house was messy. I guess maybe I feel empathy because he's a diabetic but I know I probably shouldn't be so nice. 

Make sure you are not settling for FWB if that's not what you want. Do not clean men's homes. When you act like a servant, it's not respected.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Cupcakexox said:

He said he didn't want to be in a relationship not that he didn't want me specifically there is a difference. And yeah I know you are going to say he just doesn't want me in that way. Because it's just not possible that perhaps he just doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. Anyway I'm not saying that diabetics can't take care of themselves that's not what I'm saying. He works a lot the work is very physical and sometimes he complains about being in pain. If I were settling for scraps I wouldn't be talking to another guy who wants to be in a relationship with me. 

The other guy doesn't stand a chance if you're still hanging out and hooking up with this guy.  I meant that you cleaned the other guy's house because you hope it will make him want a relationship with you - I didn't mean literally wife. so let's see - he's ready to share bodily fluids with you, have intercourse with you, risk being a daddy, but he is "not ready" for a relationship with you?

Sure he might not want a relationship with anyone -but you want a relationship so why share your body with this person who doesn't want that? And he's ready to have you clean up his place so that kind of "relationship" is ok with him too.  Hmmmmm.

[MissCanuck]

It would actually be best for you to stay single for a while and work on your self-respect. 

Pandering to a man who clearly told you he doesn't want to date you is not a good look. It's not you being nice. It's you lacking self-worth and not knowing how to let go. 

This is going to come back to bite you really badly, and then you will kick yourself for not having boundaries and staying away from him.