How do I stop feeling so bad about my ex moving on?

[Anonymous]

My ex broke up with me about 6 months ago now, I spent the first few months alone healing then I decided to start dating. I really liked a couple of the guys which ended up in disappointment because they both didn’t want relationships, which made me feel rubbish. During this time, my ex kept reaching out to me trying to get back with me but I felt over him and felt like we were better suited for other people after I realised I could feel these affectionate feelings for other guys. 2 weeks after he was messaging me asking for me back, he is dating someone and has posted her all over social media which seems really drastic. I messaged him Christmas eve upset and he was basically rubbing it in my face, saying how amazing she is and how he felt **** when I was seeing someone else. It seems serious with them already and it’s for some reason making me feel awful and replaced although I felt like I had moved on, I’ve blocked them both on everything now so I can’t see what’s happening but I feel so lonely and depressed, like I’m grieving the relationship all over again. Knowing he’s dating again is one thing but seeing who that person is, is another. I feel like I’ve made myself look really pathetic and have gave him the upper hand by messaging him, showing him how upset I’ve been by it. 

[Anonymous]

12 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

, my ex kept reaching out to me trying to get back. 2 weeks after he is dating someone and has posted her all over social media 

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? How old is he?

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

Don't put up with his silly games

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I feel like I’ve made myself look really pathetic and have gave him the upper hand by messaging him, showing him how upset I’ve been by it. 

How do you stop feeling bad?

Easy. Don't message him again. Ever.

It took months for you to get back to feeling normal and then he stepped in and robbed that from you in less than two weeks.

He cannot be trusted. He does not belong in your life. 

Ignore any and all future communication from him. Block him if you must. 

Be a friend to yourself and don't go back.

[catfeeder]

One way to avoid feeling lousy overall is to avoid shooting for guys who don't want a relationship.

To do this, screen them out early--BEFORE you invest any interest in them. So if you're on a dating app, highlight in your profile that you are dating to find a good match for a relationship. Then to ensure that this message was understood by any guy who responds, ask him if he saw that in your profile and whether he is also seeking to meet his match for a LTR.

Then meet for a quick cup of coffee to check one another out BEFORE setting up a full date. This prevents you from investing your time in anyone who is NOT relationship material. If he's not willing to meet without 'hooking up,' then he's using the premise of dating in order to sleep with people--NOT to actually date to get to know people.

So screen men during your quick meets, or upon meeting them organically, to learn more about him and whether or not he considers himself to be relationship material. If anyone is more focused on getting you alone rather than dating to actually get to know you in public and allow you both to learn where you'll want to stand with one another, SKIP HIM. 

Never sleep first then ask questions later. We don't 'convert' casual people, that's always the ego talking. Screen out anyone who isn't dating for the same reasons as you, and understand that finding a RIGHT match is like seeking a needle in the haystack. It requires patience, resilience and a clear appreciation for your own value so that you won't throw yourself into disappointment every time you meet a bad match. There will be plenty of those. Allow them to pass EARLY.

Head high, focus beyond the ex, and you will thank yourself later.

[Rose Mosse]

11 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

My ex broke up with me about 6 months ago now, I spent the first few months alone healing then I decided to start dating. I really liked a couple of the guys which ended up in disappointment because they both didn’t want relationships, which made me feel rubbish. During this time, my ex kept reaching out to me trying to get back with me but I felt over him and felt like we were better suited for other people after I realised I could feel these affectionate feelings for other guys. 2 weeks after he was messaging me asking for me back, he is dating someone and has posted her all over social media which seems really drastic. I messaged him Christmas eve upset and he was basically rubbing it in my face, saying how amazing she is and how he felt **** when I was seeing someone else. It seems serious with them already and it’s for some reason making me feel awful and replaced although I felt like I had moved on, I’ve blocked them both on everything now so I can’t see what’s happening but I feel so lonely and depressed, like I’m grieving the relationship all over again. Knowing he’s dating again is one thing but seeing who that person is, is another. I feel like I’ve made myself look really pathetic and have gave him the upper hand by messaging him, showing him how upset I’ve been by it. 

Think of no upper hands. It’s your pride that’s hurt but let it pass. Fill your life up with new experiences and leave this behind.

It’s good that you’re no longer in contact either. You are free.

[Anonymous]

You keep posting this story over and over. You blocked him, so let it rest.

[anon2021]

On 12/29/2021 at 9:46 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

Sorry this happened. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? How old is he?

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

Don't put up with his silly games

3 years and he’s 22, have a look at my previous posts for background information. I didn’t mean to post this anonymously and multiple times, I thought it didn’t post! They are all deleted and blocked now, thank you. 🙂 

[anon2021]

On 12/29/2021 at 10:40 AM, Jibralta said:

How do you stop feeling bad?

Easy. Don't message him again. Ever.

It took months for you to get back to feeling normal and then he stepped in and robbed that from you in less than two weeks.

He cannot be trusted. He does not belong in your life. 

Ignore any and all future communication from him. Block him if you must. 

Be a friend to yourself and don't go back.

Thank you Jibralta, he is blocked and there’s no going back now. I just wish it didn’t seem like I was replaced and forgotten about so easily. It stings!

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, anon2021 said:

I just wish it didn’t seem like I was replaced and forgotten about so easily. It stings!

Yes, but now you know who you're dealing with and you know what to do!

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, anon2021 said:

I just wish it didn’t seem like I was replaced and forgotten about so easily. It stings!

Be careful about how you frame this. You can use any narrative you choose in the privacy of your own mind to spin and drill and make yourself feel lousy, and you can keep picking that until it's infected your whole outlook. That will ruin your life until you decide to learn how to reverse it--it's like putting a curse on yourself.

Skip that. Use your intelligence in your own favor. You know how easy it is for EVERYone to ham it up on social media to create illusions of fabulousness. So deciding that an ex's pic with a date must equal love and baby carriages is probably not accurate, and it's a horrible thing to do to your own head.

Nobody's saying breakups are easy, but decide exactly how difficult you want to make it for your SELF.

Head high, and be on your own side, and write more if it helps.

 

[anon2021]

On 12/31/2021 at 2:26 AM, catfeeder said:

Be careful about how you frame this. You can use any narrative you choose in the privacy of your own mind to spin and drill and make yourself feel lousy, and you can keep picking that until it's infected your whole outlook. That will ruin your life until you decide to learn how to reverse it--it's like putting a curse on yourself.

Skip that. Use your intelligence in your own favor. You know how easy it is for EVERYone to ham it up on social media to create illusions of fabulousness. So deciding that an ex's pic with a date must equal love and baby carriages is probably not accurate, and it's a horrible thing to do to your own head.

Nobody's saying breakups are easy, but decide exactly how difficult you want to make it for your SELF.

Head high, and be on your own side, and write more if it helps.

 

Spot on. Thank you so much, I needed to hear that. Happy New Year!