Getting back with an ex

[Heather99]

So last year my ex broke my heart cause he needed to work on himself. There were promises made by him which were broken. Recently this valentine's day he messaged me to reconnect. For a while it was talking every few days to now we talk every day. Our old relationship was amazing it felt just right and I got butterflies Everytime he held my hand. Now we're going on dates but I don't know how I feel. My best friend told me she can tell I have feelings for him again but I sometimes feel them and then sometimes I don't. He hurt me really badly and I don't know if I'm scared to open back up.  I know when I thought he was mad at me I got sad or when I thought he blew me off for a date I was sad. But when we're together it's not like it used to be. 

I don't know what to do. He is treating me differently like he's trying to make up for everything he did which is ok but I hate not knowing how I feel. 

Are my expectations too high. Please help!!

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, Heather99 said:

 I sometimes feel them and then sometimes I don't. He hurt me really badly and I don't know if I'm scared to open back up.

You have great insight into this. Your instincts are warning you not to get hurt again. That certainly can put a damper on things. It's hard to trust people who hurt you.

[melancholy123]

As usual Wiseman is right.  Your gut is telling you to be careful.

What do you want to happen?  What has he said he wants to happen?

[Heather99]

4 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

As usual Wiseman is right.  Your gut is telling you to be careful.

What do you want to happen?  What has he said he wants to happen?

I don't know what I want to happen I want to date him but I don't think I'm in it for marriage. Things are still weird. He wants a long term relationship I think. I know things aren't even close to what they used to be. 

[SooSad33]

8 hours ago, Heather99 said:

He hurt me really badly and I don't know if I'm scared to open back up.  I know when I thought he was mad at me I got sad or when I thought he blew me off for a date I was sad. But when we're together it's not like it used to be. 

I don't know what to do. He is treating me differently like he's trying to make up for everything he did which is ok but I hate not knowing how I feel. 

It's not like it used to be? ( Better now?).

Yah, he could be 'trying' more,..for now.  BUT, unless whatever caused this has changed ( improved), things will fall bac the way they were.

So, if you do this again and things haven't improved, you WILL be asking for hurt again 😞 .

Your off & on feelings are because you are unsure about all of this... tread carefully.

[Openreach]

On 8/30/2021 at 4:05 AM, SooSad33 said:

 

Yah, he could be 'trying' more,..for now.  BUT, unless whatever caused this has changed ( improved), things will fall bac the way they were.

So, if you do this again and things haven't improved, you WILL be asking for hurt again 😞 .

Your off & on feelings are because you are unsure about all of this... tread carefully.

exactly the point i tried to make on a thread earlier today

[mg22]

So if he hurt you badly once , and is coming back strong once again have you considered he may be doing it for his EGO? trust your instinct, don't trust someone who hurt bad in the past, i sure would not. 

Sounds Toxic to me, and the cycle will repeat itself.