I'm so DUMB!!!

[temperamental_taurus]

I broke NC with my ex yesterday - well I HAD to, because there are money issues that still bind us for the time being... It went fine - we discussed what we had to and hung up but hearing his voice... *sigh*... well I called him again and started conversing with him like we always used to and it ended up being a long conversation NOT about what I had originally called for and he said a few things that made my heart smile but then reverted right back into the same old guy... I feel kinda dumb. The familiarity of it all was almost comforting to me, yet by the time we got off the phone I was still left with that empty feeling that I'm used to getting with him.

 

Besides feeling dumb, I'm also confused. It seems I still have a commitment towards my ex. Why is this??? A former boyfriend had called asking - no pleading and begging were his words - to come over - even if it was just to cook me dinner because I wasn't feeling well (I had left work sick)... and I got anxious and immediately thought, well I can't do that!!! What if "D" found out??? Where is THAT coming from??? I have no ties with my ex yet it seems that I still have a commitment to him. So, I told the guy no... but yet when I brought up the fact that I wasn't feeling well to my ex, I think his reply was "Oh really..." or something of that nature... leaving me feeling like an idiot for turning down a guy who would have gone out of his way to make me feel a little bit better.

 

So, then "D" and I sent a few IM's back and forth throughout the night and then I sent him a "hug" (if you use Yahoo IM you know what I'm talking about) because he was going to bed... and his response was "Awww." - no return hug, nothing, and then I called to say goodnight and he didn't answer his phone. I'm an IDIOT... yup yup... and these are the games we have played for months... him being the strong one, never giving in, so I have to cave.

 

So, yes, I am an idiot. I feel dumb and I guess that's ok. But for anyone questioning themselves, wanting to break that NC - it really isn't a good idea.

[hockeyboy]

how many times did you just call yourself an idiot? first off...that needs to stop. theres nothing idiotic about what you did. your just hurt...but at some point your going to have to confront that pain and work yourself through it.

[temperamental_taurus]

Yeah, I know - I just feel so darn weak now... how easy it was to fall right back into it!!! I left him for all these reasons, you'd think at some point he'd just STOP being such an idiot and start behaving???

[martyj]

totally agree there is nothing idiotic about what you did!

 

I broke NC with my ex today but we have only been split since Monday...

 

I know its only a few days but, i still feel that i have lost my dignity

 

We ended badly but, she has her opinion i have mine but she has the strength to not contact me.........................................................................

 

So don't worry it doesn't matter i am trying to keep my strength try and keep yours.

 

Please read my post in abuse and violence cos i am beating myself up about it...i am not sure how bad what i have done is but it is cost me my relationship...

[temperamental_taurus]

Thanks, although it doesn't make me feel much better - I guess he's always known he has the upper hand... and it's not because I am a weak person, it's just because I can't treat the person who I love badly and was always hoping to be able to save our relationship... My NC had been going on since Friday, but we still have to see each other on Saturday to take care of our financial issues... Ugh, I love that boy so much - I wish with everything that I have that he'd JUST QUIT DRINKING - that's the only thing that would save us.

 

Oh, and I'll take a peek at your posts - I can give the best advice in the world, I just can't seem to practice what I preach - LOL ](*,)

[martyj]

same here i cant practice what i preach thats why i use the forum it helps sometimes.

 

You have answered my question before but i had a chat with a female friend who knows all my problems and the situation and she said the way i described things is nowhere near the same as the actual things i said

 

b***ch is the worst word that i used but she also said to tell you bad news about her mum and then nto respond to any texts or answer calls is pretty cruel and any sane person knows that it can worry and provoke someone.

 

I am the opposite i quit drinking and fell off twice only but it was my second chance with her so i suppose she must somehow love me but i have written off any chance of being with her again i just want to regain my strength and turn the tables.

 

At least in all these tough tough days i havent hit the bottle but i need to remember this time anytime of romancing ideas about alcohol.

[temperamental_taurus]

Well, definitely don't go back to drinking - you're going to be okay without all the alcohol - infact, alcohol will just compound the problem. Sobriety is fun, try it for an extended amount of time and you'll see!!!

 

Honestly, I wish to God it was my ex saying what you're saying right now, but I know that will never be... Heck he even got off the phone with me last night stating, "Welp, I got alot of beer drinking to do over here that I've gotta get to... See ya" Ahhh... yeah, the saddness of it all...

[martyj]

have to go out i will not drink just texted the ex to say the only thing i wanted to achieve when i called was your friendship when the anger goes u can call.

 

please if you can look at my post as pretty confused about if i am a bad guy or not

[rionmccloud]

Rome wasn't built in a day. That's something to remember.

[LonelyGirl]

It is very frustrating for the other person (your ex) to have the upper hand and be the strong one so to speak. I'm in a similar situation and needless to say I'm the one who gives in...ALWAYS!

I have to move out this weekend and I'm upset at him because he's out on a two day excursion with friends or something partying. Why do we need to be so jealous and emotional when the other person isn't? Why can't we just say goodbye and actually mean it!? I'm so frustrated and I totally understand your situation. I call him on his cell phone every so often but he NEVER calls me unless he needs a favor.

It's also way too easy to let that feeling of comfort overwhelm you. It has already happened to me about a million times and we only broke up at the beginning of May.

I do agree with you that the NC rule should be adhered to no matter what even if it's hard as hell. The longer you stay away the closer you get to being independent. I've done it before but I can tell ya...this stage SUCKS!

[dlils21]

Ain't that the truth.... "I can give the best advice in the world, I just can't seem to practice what I preach - LOL "

I give great advice to all my friends..but when it comes to actually acting out the actions....i FAIL Completley...

In fact my friend was going through a breakup...and i told them to do the NC, He ended up doing it...while my ass...failed. I was sucked back into the drama, tears, and total heartache once again. DON'T gang up on yourself for failing the NC...it's the one of the hardest things in the world...Letting go of someone who you know is not right for you, but you still have love for them.