My life just crashed

[cari44]

I've been reading the forums for the past little while here... since my boyfriend broke up with me. Well... last night was just the tipping point.

This may get a bit long, but I'll try to keep it short.

 

He broke up with me on May the first. It was the abolsute worst day he could break up with me. It was on a Sunday. Keep in mind, May the 19th would have been our 1 year and half anniversary.

 

That weekend, was my first weekend of my new job. So on the friday night when I call, he says he is acting all weird and I say: "I guess you don't want to talk?" and he's like: "No, not really." So I hung up the phone confused. I didn't know what was going on. I told him to call me when he feels like telling me what's up. Saturday passes by and then Sunday. I started getting really, really upset. The first days at my job were VERY stressful. I was so upset...

 

Anyway, Sunday night he calls me up and tells me that he's breaking up with me. I was just in complete shock, so I was just like.. okay...huh? He told me he still wanst to be friends. I told him I'd think about it.

 

I loved him to death... I did the big nonos of a relationship. I let him take over my life. I lost contact with all my friends from high school. This past year was my first year of cegep. Anyway, I made some new friends, but mostly I just hung around with him. I let him be my everything. Anyway, so this past april I told myself to get my life back in line. And so I started making more friends, I was getting a new job, I was getting back on track. But I was still loving him and caring for him and everything. Everything seemed to be ok.

 

Well, the thing is, this summer he's going to have 3 jobs. Summer camp, a technical support for this store and video game testing.

 

The next 3 days I was incredibly upset. I layed down on my couch and didn't get up. I cried and bawled my eyes out. Finally, when I talked to him again, I got him to explain why. He told me that he foresaw bad times coming up and he wanted to end our relationship on a good note, not a bad one. And that he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. Now... none of this makes sense. He felt like my soul-mate of sorts. Like, we just connected so well. And out of nowhere this happens. And I don't understand why. I guess most don't at these times.

 

I coudln't bring myself to go to school I was so upset. Now this was my last week of school. I just couldn't go. And not to mention the fact that I was in a group with his best friend for our last project. So I really couldn't let myself go to that class. I have to pass 4 classes in order to stay in cegep.. I was only taking 4 classes at the time.

 

Anyway, by the end of that week, I made myself believe things could be okay. I continued going to work etc... then this past week happened. And suddenly I realized again, that he wasn't away on vacation... that he wasn't going to come back to me. And it threw me totally off. I quit my job because it was really bad besides the whole fact that I had negative feelinsg towards it from him breaking up with me on my first weekend. I would have kept going just to have something to do, but I was at the point of coming to tears. It's a customer service job which is really stressful.

 

So then yesterday I checked my grades... and I guess I had disillusioned myself that I'd still pass those classes anyway... but I was wrong. I only passed 2 classes. That means I'm getting kicked out of my school and it's too late to apply elsewhere.

 

I feel so incredibly lost right now. I had also tried going out with this other guy because at that point I thought I was over my ex. But wow... was I wrong. We went to see star wars last week together and I just felt disgusting. I was really uncomfortable and I just wanted to get away from him. So I feel bad for leading him on. But I told him we'd go as friends and see what would happen. I guess he got the wrong vibes because he kissed me and eveything and I had to leave and go home. I still talk to him and he keeps wanting to see me, even only as friend... but I feel like I really messed up.

 

It feels like everything is going so wrong for me. I feel so stupid for putting that much trust in him. Now, he doesn't even care if we stay friends or not. I had been talking to him, but it was hurting too much, so I started NC on Sunday. He doesn't give a crap at all. How could someone love you and then just not anymore?

 

It just hurts so much... like I can't believe that this could be happening. I can't see a future in which he's not in it. It makes life feel so empty and lonely. I do have my friends and family, but I don't want them, I want him.

 

I'd do anything to have him back, even though logically I know he was a really bad boyfriend. I don't want to go on and bash him here and why he was so bad...

But I just feel so weak and stupid. I want him back and there's no way he'll ever come back.

 

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I thought I was making progress but I was just hiding all of my pain from myself.

 

We have so many memories and things together... like at this time last year we were getting ready for prom...

 

It just hurts getting reminded of anything. I even took away everything that I could that reminded me of him... but like, my bed, my computer even.. is a reminder... because he helped me pick it out.

 

It hurts so much. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Mr. Sub]

Hi cari,

 

I has only been a month. It is normal to feel like the way you feel. My gf left me around the same time for her ex. I was lost, in fact, I am still finding my way through. I couldn't eat and sleep or do anything I once enjoy the most. My level of work has gone down at the same time. You just need to time to heel. Don't rush things. It sounds like your bf wasn't that good to you, so why border going back. Take time and think about what you really want.

 

Mr. Sub

[xymox]

I know what you're going through. I'm feeling the same way since my ex broke up with me. I feel like I can't do anything without thinking about him or being reminded of him. I also put away everything that reminded me of him and things he gave me. I try not to think about it and focus my attention elsewhere but its so hard. I cant give much advice because I am going through the same thing and I don't know how to get over it either. I guess the best thing to do would be to try and keep yourself busy. My ex wants to keep me as a friend but I don't know if i can do it. He also wasn't the greatest bf either but I keep thinking about the good things about him lately instead of the bad. I think the only thing you can do now is give it time. Maybe he will want to come back one day but you may be over him by then. If you want someone to talk to, you can pm me. we have similar situations.

[brokenjerseyheart]

Cari,

I'm going through a similar situation as you are. My gf of almost 4 years broke up with me about a month ago. Without getting into too great of detail one of the reasons was because I was growing too dependant on her.

 

The only advice I can offer is the same advice I'm putting into practice after hours of talking with friends, family, and the great people on these boards. You need to live life. It is going to hurt when you think of him.. don't be afraid to cry if you're reminded of him. But you have to remember that there is still one person in life that carries more importance than your ex.. yourself. You have to reflect and do your best to make yourself emotionaly stronger. Do things that make you happy with much greater frequency. Do something you always wanted to do but never did while you were in the relationship. Go out with friends, take on a creative outlet, spoil yourself a little with a day at a spa, anything that will make you happy. The more often you do this the more less you'll find yourself upset.

 

Like xymox said, if you do have the urge to talk to someone who is going through something similar, I'm also around for a pm conversation.

[Luciana]

Cari, I am 44 years old but no matter how old you are, some people just take the end of a love affair (where you were really in love and dependant on that person) as the end. YOu want to die. Life is not interesting anymore.

 

I wish I could take a magic pill that would make me stonehearted, because I suffer just like you are now. Can't work, can't study, can't eat, can't sleep. A big heavy feeling on your chest (no wonder it is called heartbreak).

 

There is only one solution: time. Time and time. YOur friends and family may help by not leaving you alone but in reality, you don't want them by your side. And those who tell you "you'll get over it", "just go out and have fun", "move on", etc, don't realize that it is too early for that and won't help.

 

I also think anti-depressants of tranquilizers may help (although I hate taking medication). It helps because it makes the pain more bearable and enables you to function better, in case of having to hold a job. Therapy is also very helpful, because you can bawl your eyes out with someone who will listen. Too bad it is so expensive for most.

 

Some of us are just more emotional and sensitive. You and I are one of those people. We need time.

 

It also helps a little to cut your hair or change the color. You see yourself as a different person. The one good side of breaking up is losing weight, for those who need some pounds off. It makes you more attractive which in turn makes you atract more men and improve your self esteem.

 

Now, since he wasn't a very nice guy, you will be surprised when you meet the next guy you will like and he will be nice. You will feel better and ask yourself why on earth you even dated that guy. And one day you will see him somewhere else and you will feel NOTHING. Maybe some leftover anger towards him, but you will thank yourself for not being with him. It takes time darling, but that's what ALWAYS happens. You are sooo young and you will probably have lot's of other loves in your life.

[heartshout]

Cari, i am also in a similar situation with you ... my gf of almost 4 years broke up with me a month ago with reasons i still can't understand ... until later i found she was falling in love with someone else ....

 

She left me with nothing to look forward to anymore ... we had plans for the future but these plans will never materialize anymore ...

 

I know how difficult it is ... i always think of her ... i keep asking the quesion: why .... i am still at total lost myself ... work output has been crap this past weeks ... i cant sleep right, i started having nightmares ...

 

I agree that venting out what you feel to friends and family really helps and they too can help you get grounded back to the reality ... although painful the reality maybe but we have to get a grip of our lives again ... i know it will take time but this time there is only one person that we need to think about ... ourselves ...

 

This site has been a great help for me so far ... i know you will be able to go through this ... be strong Cari ...