why couldn't he just have been honest?

[mjayne]

My bf and i were together for a year and a half. About 3 weeks ago we had a really big fight. we live together. I apologised for my part in the fight and kept trying to talk to him and sms him. He kept saying he didn't know how he felt and we kept making plan to have a proper chat. So many time I asked him directly if he wants to break up and he kept saying we'll talk about it later. I gave him so many opportunities to break up if thats what he wanted. Eventually yesterday when i phoned him we decided that on Sunday we would talk about everything.

 

So can anyone please tell why when i was driving home last night at 3 in the morning I saw him walking hand in hand with another girl!?!!?

I am so crushed that he would hurt me like that. he had every opportunity to end things if thats what he wanted. I kept saying that he has to be honest with me. I can't believe all of this. I loved this guy with all of heart\, mind and soul. I would walked to the end of the earth for him. This isn't the person I knew, this isn't person I loved! I know that in theory i must be better off without him, but it jst hurts so much.

 

Can anyone help me i'm only seeing darkeness now and i can't deal with it.

[islandgirl808]

Hey girl... Im going to be blunt here... It sounds like to me he was seeing this girl for a while, The way he played games saying "we'll talk" and then you seeing him with someone else makes me think that he is un sure of what he wants or maybe he wants her but doesnt know if things will work out so he has you to fall back on. You guys had a fight you said you were sorry, Did he??? Im guessing not.... I dont think that he really cares and I think that this other girl you saw him with is the reason. Im sorry to put it out like that but just leave him alone if he cant be with you and only you and has to play mind games all the time your better off without him!!!

[mjayne]

Thanks, I think you are right. I just put so much faith in him and it hurts to know that he would do this to me. I'm going oveseas as soon as my passport arrives and i can get my visa. I know i deserve better but it still hurts unbelievebly. I can't even begin to understand how i feel. What i do know is that it won't last with her. She has been in the picture before. I think this is how he was planning to make his exit. I know how dependent he is on me. For the little things, like someone to talk to and to encourage him. I know she won't be there for him.

 

This might sound like denial, but i can't ever go back - but i know he will regret his decision i i hope he chokes on the guilt. I we had to end things fine, I don't want to be with someone that doesn't feel the same as i do, but its the way he handled it. If we had just broken up and there was no-one else would could of beeen friends, that what i always thought would happen if we were to break up. But friends don't treat eachother like that.

 

I know it sounds childish, but i can't wait for him to reach rockbottom, i know it will happen and this time he'll be on his own

[nickb]

hey--

 

i know it doesn't seem like a good time to think about this, but hey--

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...i really believe this in life...he'll reap what he sows...so hope he has a good time finding a decent relationship in the future.

[RandomAdvisor]

I remember your other post on trying to get to talk to him and how he kept avoiding the conversation. I'm not at all surprised to hear this. One of the first things I said in the other post was I suspected he was cheating on you based on everything you said.

 

You say you live together...is it your house/apartment? Is he paying rent there? Maybe he avoided ending it because he wanted to avoid the trouble of finding a new place to stay? That's assuming it's your place and not his.

 

If that isn't the case, then he's just a cheating dog. Period. Either way, you're better off without him. Have you confronted him about the fact you saw him with this other girl? Who's moving out, him or you?

[SilverManic]

Cheating is just imoral and wrong! He will get his come back mentaly in the future. You gave him the chance to end it and he did that instead I think if you haven't already spoken to him about it that you should tell him it's over, you know what he's doing and you want him to move out in the next week and never want contact with him again.

GL,

~S.

[annie24]

Awwww! I'm so sorry - I too hope he chokes on his guilt. I think everyone here has said some good advice. Some_guy has a good point - to answer your question, he may have been avoiding the breakup because he doesn't have a new place yet.

 

Well - I hope you break things off with him soon. Now, things are easier for him, because he doesn't have to do the breaking up.

 

Good luck overseas - I think that is a teriffic plan, a change of scenery will be good for you.

 

Take care!

[Day_Walker]

You have to understand what real benefit does he have from being honest, if he doesnt break up with you then he gets to have both you and her. If lying wasnt easy then people wouldnt do it, it takes a more mature person to be honest. He rationalized his decision in his mind thought about the consequences and decided what he should do. Hopefully you will learn from this situation.

[mjayne]

our apartment isn't too much of an issue. I am leaving, he can make the decision to get someone else to move in, or find another place to live on his own.

 

I'm not going to try and pick apart his mind anymore. Its not worth it. he screwed up and i didn't deserve it.

 

Yesterday he kept phoning me because he wanted his bank card - i kept ignoring him and the eventually smsed him to say i would leave it at the flat. he called and that all we spoke about, no sorrys, or anything related to the whole thing.

 

I then tld him that i had dropped his card off, that i was phone the landlord on monday and that i don't want to see him so he must stop calling.

 

I think it is going to be better for me if i don't see or talk to him again.