Is it all coming to a close?

[captain]

Well, as most of you know me and my gf are in a long distance relationship. We both have been fairly insecure about different things. Shes always insecure because I have female friends online, and I am insecure because of the attention she attracts from guys when out clubbing.

 

Anyway, she asked me if I would promise not to tell her when im talking to another person online, and she also requested that I make sure my female friends know im with her (which they already do) I agreed to this, but in return she didnt give me anything to feel secure about her clubbing and the attention she receives.

 

Well, tonight was rather odd. We spoke this evening and she said that we need to cool things abit. That we need to return to how we were when we first got together. She mentioned that she loves and cares for me, but also said she isnt in love with me (I asked a friend of mine about this, but she said she thinks my g/f is denying her feelings?) I was supposed to go and see her for my birthday in June, but she said we should wait and also added that I shouldn't call her just yet. She said that she won't mess around with guys when she is out, but wants us to be all fun and jokey like we were when we first got together. She also said she wants me to see a counsellor for my insecurity. I was thinking about this anyway, I have a doctors appointment on thursday and I will ask her then, i'm also a little cautious that I may have cancer, which is why I originally booked the appointment with my doctor (which if true, will put an end to my days flying planes) My gf knows this, but sadly shes gone and put this pressure on me too.

 

I just feel quite sad though, i'm scared that next week she might change her mind and be all like 'well, I dont want to be with you now' I want to be able to be all fun and joking, so that things can progress nicely, but I just feel so low that things have gone like this. How can I addapt to how she wants things to be when I feel torn?

 

What do you all think? I know im partly to blame, but I dont think this is all my fault. She says shes happier now and that she is sorry for hurting me, but I don't know, some of the things she said were so harsh.

 

So what do you all think, is this all over and we're holding on to nothing, or is there still hope? I really want this all to work out, but with my luck i've got a feeling i'm going to be very heart broken, if im not already.

[misery12]

Oh my god man, I cannot tell you how much this relates to my relationship. I was with my girlfriend for 5 months or so.. and yesterday she said she just wanted to be friends. I think she didn't feel the same way as before.. but we are friends now.. and I think in time, we'll get back together. But anyways, the only thing shining through here, is your insecurity, and you seem not happy at all. Your confidence and self respect seem so low, that if she suddenly logged offline, without saying goodbye or something small, that it would hurt you deeply. This is not healthy, you cannot act like this.. as much as girls like emotion in relationships, they don't want a drama queen, as a king. As tough as it may be, you have to be strong, try talking to your mom or something about this, that's what I did, they're actually very supportive! Maybe try No Contact for a few days.. it didn't work with me.. because I just had to talk to her... but what I did realize was, that she was the one that was starting to send the messages first saying 'hey'. I think she probably feels that you are too insecure, and she is not as attracted to you as she was.. because you are starting to lack confidence.. it's a big circle man... you are lacking confidence, because you're scared she will break up with you, but she will probably break up with you, if you're lacking confidence. You have to break this chain. Try getting out with friends, and get your mind of things. Not to mention this is long distance, and these things are hard enough as they are. You have to show her that you are worth staying with... if she feels the only thing she gets if she stays with you.. is a guy that is always nervous.. and insecure. she wil be like "screw this" you know? You can hurt on the inside, but for now.. be strong on the outside. Try holding back your feelings for a while, and let her make the next move.. she should realize that you are not being as available.. sort of like you were when you started going out. As for the funny/joking thing goes.. this is because you did this in the beginning, to sort of break the ice.. but then you got to know each other, and calmed down.. try and joke around with her still.. as hard as it might be.. just do it for her.. if you love this girl... try and make her happy.. but don't sacrifice your own happiness for her. It's not worth it. Know your limits, and let her make the next move.. be strong.

Good luck man.

[heloladies21]

Friend, I think you are being mistreated by this girl. Sounds like she has dumped you, but in such a way as she will be able to have you back if she chooses. Don't settle for this kind of treatment. You deserve better than this. Never contact her again and take care of your health and yourself.

 

She doesn't care about you, it's obvious to me. Spend your time on yourself and finding someone new.

[kungfumaster]

She also said she wants me to see a counsellor for my insecurity

 

whatever. what you guys need is trust. both of you lack it. trust and respect in yourselves and your relationship.

 

i'm also a little cautious that I may have cancer

 

man, this is what you and you gf should be really worried about. apparently, both of you aren't and there's something wrong with that.

 

here's my take on it. i'm sorry if this is blunt. i could be wrong. guy gets sick or something, or doesn't meet some kind of expectation of the girl has in her mind, she drops him.

[captain]

Hey,

 

Thank you for the replies.

 

I have taken a step back from things since she said about the fact that she wants us to be all joking and laughing. I have been happy and joking with her, but I have also left her to make the moves. For example, as she was going offline last night I left it until she said 'love you' first, and I also didn't text her today until she text me. Do you think that i'm doing the right thing?

 

Next week I am going to visit my dad in London for a while. He doesnt have a computer, which means that we will only be able to text eachother (as she doesnt want me to call her anymore until shes ready again) Do you think that this will help the situation, or could this worsen things?

 

Regarding the fact that I think I may have cancer, I will be finding out from my doctor tomorrow. I am worried about it, and I told my g/f about it last week. She hasnt mentioned it since and didn't seem very bothered by it. I said to her on monday that i've got doctors on thursday and she said 'good' and that was it. I have been worried for 2 weeks about this, but she has added the pressure of 'taking a step back'

 

I would feel so much better and trust her if she had not said something a while back. A few weeks ago she said 'You wouldn't even know if I had done anything with anyone anyway' It really put a pressure on me and made me very insecure. I would never say that to a partner, what reason would I have?

 

Anyway, i'm doing as suggested, i'm trying to be strong on the outside, eventhough i'm torn to pieces on the inside.

 

Thank you

[Iceman26]

Sorry to hear about the cancer. I had a test myself a while back and I was worried myself. Good luck with that, I hope everything comes back negative for cancer.

 

As to the problems with your chick, you posted before and seem to ignore everyones advice. I guess you are just venting, so ill do a little venting of my own, about your situation.

 

You arent the one thats insecure bro, she is. Shes the one thats in a committed relationship, flaunting herself at the club every weekend. She doesnt act committed, doesnt act like she cares, and for gods sake, she was saving her cell phone minutes to talk to another guy.

 

Why are you still wasting your time? If she was a really cool chick I would understand, but why waste another minute on this girl?

 

Of course shes happy, shes blaming all the problems on you, so she can be guilt free and shes making you question and doubt yourself. I hope you do yourself a favor and rid yourself of this burden man. Shes up to something shady and I dont know what it is.

 

I hope you wise up and find someone more decent and respectable than what you have right now.