im at my wits end..unstableness in my custody case

[itry]

the love of my life.. my daughter just turned 4 two days ago... i cant fit all this in...

 

just know that im in the middle of a court case.. long one.. which will be over (hopefully) in the next month.. father and i have been court ordered to do a one week one week visitation.., for example. he gets her sun 7pm through sun 7pm one week.. and i get the next.... we alternated... this was supposed to be for a few months... trial... but the father wanted it this way for like 2 years... i argued and said no... that was last year.. by him acting like he was about to settle the case.. everytime we thought he would settle he would back out... which... wasted court time.. and got us another hearing date 3-4 months later..... he did this 3 times....

 

its been about a year since this one week one week thing.. my daughter.. on the outside.. seems to be adapting.. but on the inside she's not.

 

he doesnt get it.. he thinks its like a game. look.. he loves her he does.. but i dont think he undertsands. plus his wife.. oh my God...she makes it worse. she pretends my daughter is hers...to the point where my daughter asked why she has two mommys? and im mommy one and the other is mommy two... she was 3 yrs old when she asked this. anyway.. i think theres been some verbal abuse towards me in front of her.. in a sort of subtle way.. but kids arent stupid... the baby picks up and i notice it in her behavior..

 

the father and i.. no communication.. its terrible.. completely deteriorated.. to the point where he lies and pretends he doesnt have a cell phone.. instead he makes me call his wife or his MOTHER in case of emergency....i confronted him but he denies it.... im TRYING my damn best in all of this to pretend in front of the baby that everything is cotton candy and popcorn.... she doesnt need to know everything now..

 

he had a birthday party for her and didnt tell me about it.. she was crying and crying tonight asking me why i wasnt at her party... i didnt know what to tell her. instead i just told her that things are a little different....

 

i dont know what to do.

 

due to the sensitivity of the court case im afraid to talk to him... he's already accused me of being a drug addict and the person im dating my DRUG dealer... is he for real? i took a test.. im clean.. i dont do that garbage.. i even had my boyfriend take one also.. he's clean. he even tried to say i ABUSE my daughter... that was thrown out also... because he accuses me of abuse and drugs... the day before he leaves her with me while he goes on a 2week vacation....

 

im going crazy.. im scared for my daughters well being...

 

im confused with how to handle her also.. my boyfriend tells me that my daughter "runs" me... i cant help but to feel as if i have to handle her with gentle gloves.. i feel like she's going through a huge ordeal and i have to be careful as how i react and treat her since she's just learning to express herself.... her speech had been slowed and her tantrums are out of control at times...

 

...he's 32 and stays with his mother and father and his two OLDER sisters and his wife in one house.. he's never had a place of his own and both of his cars.. a lexus truck and a lexus sc300 were both purchased by his mother....i know deep down (maybe?) he's an alright person... its just so hard to get through to him without his godzilla of a wife trying to scream at me all the time.. or his mother smiling in my face witing for me to turn so she can ram that knife in my back..

 

i feel like i need a psychologist....

 

thank you for even getting this far...

[melrich]

You are right to be concerned. I do not know where you are from but I would have tought it is very unusual for a court to allow overnight access to a child under the age of 3. Certainly where I am from (Australia) it is very rarely allowed because of the tremendous disruption to the child. As smart as they are, at that age they do not understand.

 

Anyway what has happened has happened. You can only look to the future. It is really important that you make the relatiosnhip with your ex husband workable for your daughters sake.

 

Have you thought about joint parental counselling? Is that soemthing he would even consider? Otherwise you could seek court orders for a parenting plan which basically sets out the "rules of parenting" like no badmouthing the other parent in front of the child.

[itry]

im in good old NYC....

 

ive suggested counseling.. mediation... all that in the beginning... no response. it got to the point where i tape most of our conversations and have to bring an eyewitness with me when we do child exchange (Lord i hate talking about her like some sort of package...)

 

end of june is the last date for court.. ive been back and forth for about 3yrs now in court... so im praying every night and reading as much as i can about court custody cases... tonight i just couldnt take it. i almost broke down crying in front of her...

 

 

i guess ur right. theres nothing i can do but do my best untile she gets stability in her life

[melrich]

Well again the court can make orders that you attend joint parental counselling.

 

Document as clearly as possible your concerns and cite examples. If you have written or aural evidence include it. Be honest. If you need to tell a story against yourself don't be afraid to, it goes to credibility.

 

Put this into the form of an affidavit and lodge it with your filing on the custody contest.

 

The biggest mistake people make when they go to court is they rely on their lawyer. Best way to tackle it is to research, prepare and become a lawyer for a while. Keep building your case. You know it best. No one will prepare it like you.