Boyfriend Has Sex With Me In My Sleep!

[sweet_bebcho]

My boyfriend has sex with me on my sleep all the time. I dont know if this is strange or not. He says that he cant help himsef and that he just 'has to have it' Its getting to the point now where it happens almost every night. A few times he even ripped my legs open cause i decisided that it just wasnt gonna happen that night. he usually gets his way as He's much stronger than me and if I try to push him off he says to keep still. If I try to fight him he hold me down even more telling me that I like it.

I talked to him about it and he always apologises but this time ended the conversation by saying 'WHATS THE BIG DEAL?'

 

I was on my period and he insisted that we have sex even though we did the night before. I had a tampon in and he said he was gonna rip it out so he could have sex with me. A few days later I was asleep and I could feel hom coming between my legs, I tried again to fight him off, I didnt want to scream cause his brother was asleep in the next room. He then covered my mouthwith one hand while he held me down with the other. He finishes and goes to sleep.

 

Morning comes and he acts like normal like nothing has happened. I bring it up and he laughs and says that it didnt happen that way and that we were both into it. He always says he's sorry and then it happens again. I dont think that he knows that waht he's doing is wrong. I dont even know myself. ui mean if it happened with a stranger that that would be rape but he's not a stranger, we've been together for more than a year now.

 

He doesnt know this but I was touched up by a neighbour when I was little and I have never told a sole. I sort of blocked it out of my mind until he started doing this to me and it all came flooding back. It so bad now that whenever he does it I just keep silent and try not to fight him and pray for it to be over. I just really need some advice on what to do about it.

[Superfreak]

Dump that bastard right now! I'm serious, what he's doing to you can literally get him arrested. He, by legal definition is raping. You really need to get away from him right now for your own good. This bull$hit about him needing it, he's trying to justify what a sick disgusting a$hole he is by telling you that. Get away from him NOW!!!

[Iceman26]

I agree with Superfreak. You need to let this guy go. If he wants to have sex with you, then he should wake you up, especially if he knows his behavior bothers you. He shouldnt try to be some sort of sex ninja.

[shorty20]

honey, rape dosen't only happen with strangers. Alot of the time it happens with people that are closest to you! What your boys is doing is wrong. I've had this happen to me before, and it just makes you feel dirty and worthless. If you say no, and he keeps going, it's rape. I don't know what to say about your boyfriend though... when this happened to me, I thought the guy was great, and that he just got horny at night and needed it... that it was my fault for not giving it to him enough... I eventually realized that he was a complete psycho and had to actually get a restraining order on him to get him to finally leave me alone. What your bf is doing is wrong, and you need to tell him. Tell him how it makes you feel, and how it needs to stop. You can't be in a relationship with someone if they won't listen to you. I'm sorry you're going through this. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. You can always feel free to PM me.

[Hope75]

This is rape. The same thing happened to me with a man I lived with for 5 years and I left him 7 years ago.

 

When you are unable to consent for whatever reason (i.e. you are asleep) and he forces himself on you, he is raping you.

 

You need to get away from him asap. This behaviour is sick and controlling and wrong.

 

Please leave him and get some help, I cannot stress how bad this is.

[harveywallbanger]

get out, that's not healthy

[MiquelAngelo]

I don't know what they call that in England but here in the U.S. it's rape. Forcing you to do it is RAPE. He's sick and he seems to get off on forcing you to comply and telling you you like it.

Get rid of him.

[kskm]

This is the definition of rape;The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.

 

 

This is exactly what is happening to you.. whether you are with someone or not. You need to either one sit down yet again and try telling him that what he's doing is wrong and hurtful and emotionally scarring- because it is.. but I doubt he will listen.. or you need to leave him, I think you need to. The person that you are in love with does not force you do things that you don't want to do. This is wrong.. and must be stopped.

[italianstalian]

hey sweet_bebcho are u even aware of a thing called rape!!??

[PAdreamer]

Rape is any unwanted sexual advance or contact by one person upon another. In YOUR case, and by legal definition, it is unwanted sexual penetration by a man upon a woman. What he's doing is COMPLETELY illegal and immoral and you HAVE to ask yourself what is wrongwith this guy that he doesn't listen to the word "no" and doesn't stop when you obviously want him to. A man like this has no love or respect for you.

 

Call the cops. Tell them what's been going on. Get away from this guy. I know you probably feel very attached to him and care for him, but you need to look past that and SERIOUSLY think about what is BEST for you. What is best isn't always what you want... But honey... do you really want to allow this man to continue to rape you every night?! RAPE?! Don't degrade yourself like that. You're better than that.

[lonely1]

tell him what is going on is not fine and either he change himself or u leave him immideatly and sue him that is the best thing get him punished for the crime he is doing

[Minty80]

Just going to echo what the others have said. It is rape, it is not your fault, he is an a******. You deserve better, you deserve a partner who cares just as much, if not MORE about your pleasure then his own.

 

I do understand, I was in a similar situation and it took me a very long time to name what had been happening as rape.

 

I want to give you a link to a website that is all about partner rape link removed .

[punkdonkey]

Sounds like you BOTH have something to work through. Him, because he seems addicted beyond the point of reason and because his inability to understand the word no. As so many others have already said, it is called rape...

 

but also you, because you cannot repress something like that. Or...maybe I should say, you can repress it, but you run the risk of loosing yourself. The act of rape is not the horrible thing, it is the mental assult that takes place in your mind.

 

But seriously, GET OUT OF THERE. Everybody writes about sex here, and maybe what you describe is sex. I dont think so, but Iam not to tell, but making love, is about sharing your love in a physical way. And this just sounds like abuse.

 

not that I am an expert on anything...but get help, and get out would be my advice.

 

The punk

[RayKay]

Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not give them permission to do whatever they like to you and your body without your willing participation. This is rape as it is against your will, and while you are sleeping even. Get out now, as this is abusive behaviour, and it is even more concerning that he seems unwilling to admit his behaviours the next day.

 

Submissive/Dominant fantasy is one thing - but that requires both partners to be willing. In this case you are clearly unwilling to be involved, and he is crossing boundaries in order to be controlling and to play out his own fantasies without your agreement. He knows very well what he is doing....and it is his way of controlling you knowing full well you are not willing. Get yourself out of that situation now.

[Dannysgirl]

This guy is a total creep who needs to be stopped. Leave as soon as you can and if you can stomach it report him to the police. This guy sounds like a very dangerous individual who could possible upgrade from raping you his girlfriend to raping strangers at knifepoint once he is not getting his sick needs met. Do you get yourself out of there first though, your safety is what is most important.

 

A person who loved you would not hurt you or force you to do something you do not want to do. He does not love you and obviously has issues relating to sex and control.

 

Regardless of whether he thinks he is doing nothing wrong by doing that to you or not he is very sick and needs to be as far away from you and other women as possible.

 

Get out as soon as you can, don't wait for him to hurt you again!

[sweet_bebcho]

Thanks for everyone's input on this. it really helped. I decided that I really needed to do something about the situation immediately. I sat my boyfriend down and told him that we couldnt carry-on like this. I told him that I really dodnt like what he was doing and that if he didnt stop then I'd have to get the authorities involved. He was quite shocked and said that he didnt think that his behavior bothered me to that extent.

 

He claims that most of his other girlfriends got a kick out of it during sex including being tied up and things like that. I told him that he needed some kind of help cause I wasnt gonna stay with him like this. He says he loves me and doesnt want me to leave him. I've been sleeping at my house for the past few days. I went to see him yesterday and he said that he's been speaking to someone about his problem and that he never realized that what he's doing was so wrong. I dont feel that he's done enough so I tld him that we should take a break for him to sort himself out or then we should just call it quits.

[Dannysgirl]

I don't like this at all. It doesn't seem like your boyfriend is taking responsibility for his actions. By saying that his other girlfriends 'got a kick out of it' he is implying that there is something wrong with YOU for not liking it. I hope you used the word 'rape' when you described what he was doing to you, and asked him how he would like it if somebody held him down covered his mouth and sexually assualted him whilst telling him 'he liked it.'

 

Being tied up during sex is all well and good if both parties consent and you did NOT consent so no amount of 'my ex liked it' is going to change the fact that he is a rapist. What he is doing to you is not the same.

 

Personally I would get as far away from this man as I possibly could. How can he say he 'didn't realise it bothered you so much?' Is he crazy? So you telling him no and trying to stop him doesn't show that it bothers you? and confronting him in the morning doesn't either?

 

No does NOT mean yes at any time and that is what this creep needs to learn. He knows damn well that this behaviour is unacceptable but is trying to make you feel like its YOU who has the problem so that you will continue to submit to this.

 

Who is he talking to about 'his problem' a trained proffesional or a buddy of his? Unless its the former I would not be alone with him again under any circumstances and do not sleep there until you are certain you will not be harmed again if you are going to give him a second chance.

 

I think you should ditch him and get out of there but I know that emotions can cloud judgement and it is difficult to get away from somone who has such a hold on you.

 

Just ask yourself this, if a friend of yours was going through this, what would you advise her to do?

 

Best of luck,

 

Nia

[RayKay]

As I said before, playing with ties and restraints is all fun and good when both people are consenting and active, willing participants. I mean I LOVE getting restrained and having some fun . However what he is doing is going against you telling him no.

 

Maybe he did "not" know what he was doing was wrong, but I mean, if he did not see it as wrong he has even more issues he needs to deal with. I can't imagine anyone not knowing that when you say no, it is wrong to force sex upon someone. As Dannysgirl said above, he was trying to turn the fault around from himself to you.

 

Unless he gets professional counselling for this matter, I really think you still need to move on as you are making some steps to do I think - I am glad to see you are taking a stand for yourself. I would say turn that break into a break up though for now at least. Don't try to save him - he is not as "innocent" as he claims to be in knowing it was wrong.

 

You may also want to look at counselling for yourself - these experiences may cloud/affect your future sexual/intimate relationships and these WERE traumatic experiences, even if you did know and were in a relationship with the person.

[sweet_bebcho]

Yesterday we went to councelling session together, cause I wanted to see for myself what sort or 'help' he said he was getting.

We were asked what the problem was in our relationship and I began to tell the story. I said that he was basically raping me in my sleep and thinks that what he's doing is not rape and that its ok.

 

To cut a long story short, he was asked about his first and past sexual relationships, encounters. He said that when he first became sexually active he found it really hard to caht up girls or get them interested in him so he began going to prostitutes. They did whatever he wanted and he just acted out every fanatsy he had and basically had his way with them. He says he knows what rape is but he'e never raped anyone and they all concented to what they did.

 

When asked why he does what he does to me, he says that while I'm asleep he starts to have sex with me in the hope that I'll wake up and join in, he says its all he can do if I'm lying next to him half naked and he's horny. He says he wishes that I'd take 'control and do it to him sometimes, just 'take him while he's not expecting it. I know that when we have sex without his being stoned he's perfectly fine but when he does he turns into someone else.

 

This went on for about an hour with the therapist saying that,'' in your boyfriend head he's not doing anything wrong, he just initiates that control of you that he wants you to take of him.'' Its like playing a game of do as I do. I do it to you so you'll do it to me. The difference is that you're asleep when he starts to play these games and of course he expects you to join in but you don't at which point it should stop.

 

When asked why he doesnt stop at this point he says that when it happens, he's ' at the point of no return' and cant stop til its over. He says that I have np idea what he feels like when he's about to orgasm and I'm pushing him away. It makes him feel unwanted.

He's asked what his state of mind is when he does it and says that he knows that he's quite not himself. Whenever we have an evening together we have sex, I fall asleep, he goes outside and smokes weed for an hour and comes back and tried to have sex with me withe me saying no to him.

 

This had to be the most humiliating hour of my life. I cried the whole time. It finally ended with the councellor saying that because he's high at the time he's probably not himself and that he has control issues beacuse of past experiences. He says that he's not justifying or condoning his behavior but doesnt think that he's a rapist. Howver he says that he think that we should sleep separately for now and we shouldnt have sex while he' s under the influence of marijuana.

 

I'm still trying to figure out if it makes any sense. the councellor said that its good that we seeked help together and if I didnt help him the he would have probably moved on and did it to someone else and not knowing exactly why. I'm just taking a well deserved break from him I finally start working againg tomorrow so we'll spend less time together so he'll sort himslef out. He still has to go to councelling twice a week for his problem. I dont know what I'll do about him. I love him but I' not sure if he'll change or he'll get better or worse.

[Dannysgirl]

I'm sorry but this stinks! It still seems to me that you are being unjustly blamed for your boyfriends behaviour.

 

So the fact that you don't initiate gives him the right to force you? Couldn't he just ask you? and what is this guff about 'not being able to control himself?' Is he an animal? Even if he couldn't 'control himself' that doesn't give him the right to rape you, and besides he doesn't need to force you to 'finish' he could just as easily finish himself off.

 

Sounds to me like this therapist was talking out of his backside. Your boyfriend HAS raped you on more than one occasion so that makes him a rapist, end of story. If he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong that doesn't excuse it in the slightest.

 

I get the impression that your boyfriend is carrying a lot of anger towards women in general because he wasn't able to get laid before you came along. I dread to think what he did to those prostitutes, but hey they were being paid for it so whatever. YOU on the other hand are not a prostitute and the fact that he has been with them before doesn't give him the right to treat you like that.

 

I think the other question you need to ask yourself is 'why wasn't he getting any?' Could it be that the women he was trying to sleep with thought there was something dodgy or possibly dangerous about him?

 

I think you need to get some counselling for yourself. Women's aid is an excellent non profit organisation in the UK that offers counselling for women who are either in or have been in abusive relationships of any kind. I think it would greatly benefit you to go and see them and talk everything out or you may find you have intimacy issues in the futire.

 

Best of luck!

[Hope75]

I'm sorry but I think that your therapist is an idiot. Even though your guy is smoking weed like a feind he still knows the difference between yes and no. What he is doing is rape. This is a black and white issue, when a woman does not consent to sex, either because she says no, or because she's asleep or under the unfluence, it is rape.

Your guy, unless he is mentally challenged in a legitimate way (and this doesn 't include being a druggie) is responsible 100% for these actions. If he is mentally challenged and doing this to you, it's time to leave.

 

His background with prostitutes is even more disturbing!! Does it not bother you? Have you been tested for STD's??

 

There are so many red flags with this guy it's blinding.

 

1. Addicted to marijuana and unable to control his sexual impulses,

 

2. Regular past use of prostitutes,

 

3. He rapes you in your sleep.

 

Good GOD, woman! Wake up!

 

Let him seek help for his "uncontrollable behaviour" alone, and get away from him as fast as you can. He can deal with this himself and it's his responsibility to get help, not yours.

[Dannysgirl]

His background with prostitutes is even more disturbing!! Does it not bother you? Have you been tested for STD's??

 

I was also very worried about this. She might have any number of diseases. Chlamydia is pretty much symptomless in most women but can do untold damage to your fertility system. Please get tested as soon as possible.

 

 

There are so many red flags with this guy it's blinding.

 

1. Addicted to marijuana and unable to control his sexual impulses,

 

2. Regular past use of prostitutes,

 

3. He rapes you in your sleep.

 

Good GOD, woman! Wake up!

 

Let him seek help for his "uncontrollable behaviour" alone, and get away from him as fast as you can. He can deal with this himself and it's his responsibility to get help, not yours.

 

My sentiments exactly, it is HIS responsibility and its NOT your fault.

Get out and get counselling for yourself as soon as possible.

 

You deserve better than this guy.

[sweet_bebcho]

I know about his past with the women. its something we discussed when we got together abd we both got tested before we had sex and everything came back negative. I do have my views about the concellor as well. I think he's trying to make it look as if its my fault and that its something that I should just look over. I told him that my therapist (enotalone.com) and myslef view this as inappropriate. I thought that by going with him would make me feel better but it has only made it worse. i think that now I will have to leave him. I cant take it anymore.

 

Thanks for your helps guys, you really helped me see the light and see what is right.

[Dannysgirl]

I know about his past with the women. its something we discussed when we got together abd we both got tested before we had sex and everything came back negative. I do have my views about the concellor as well. I think he's trying to make it look as if its my fault and that its something that I should just look over. I told him that my therapist (enotalone.com) and myslef view this as inappropriate. I thought that by going with him would make me feel better but it has only made it worse. i think that now I will have to leave him. I cant take it anymore.

 

Thanks for your helps guys, you really helped me see the light and see what is right.

 

 

I'm with you, this counsellor seemed to side with your boyfriend and blame you for this behaviour it is NOT a game and is simply wrong. for the counsellor to describe rape as such just makes me feel sick, and confirms the fact that he's tool who's opinion is not worth anything. Nothing excuses what your boyfriend has done, you did not ask to be assaulted in that way. Its YOUR body and you decide what gets done to it nobody else.

 

I don't want to sound like a bra burning feminist or anything but you might want to go to a female therapist and see what she has to say because at least she would be able to see where you are coming from. Thats not to say that this moron therapist sided with your boyfriend because he's male, most men would be totally horrified at what has been done to you. I forwarded this thread to my husband before and he was absolutely disgusted.

However it might make you feel more comfortable to talk to a female counsellor.

 

So glad you're getting out of there, be strong and don't let him talk you round with 'oh but I love you' because its a bunch or crap, a man who loved you would not rape you. Leave before you start believing this rubbish about it being your fault, women who stay often get trapped and find it ten times more difficult to get away once they've been convinced that they 'deserve it' some never do.

 

Meet him in a public place when you tell him to go jump, the last thing you need is for him to have another go before you leave. Don't be alone with him again.

 

Good luck to you, you're doing the right thing.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Danny I would never visit a prostitute. I think it is gross and I don't need one anyway. However a lot of guys have. It isn't a red flag.