Difference between 'breaking up' and 'taking a break'

[allein]

Is there a difference? To me there doesn't seem to be a difference. Maybe I am making the wrong assumption here but it seems to me the only difference is that the breaker upper wants to still have you as an option. But once they realize they are fine w/out you, then they just say it's over. I think 'taking a break' is just step one of the break up process for when the breaker upper is insecure about thier decision to break up with thier partner.

 

Anyone else have any other comments on whether or not they are different things or if one is just a sub category of the greater category of break up?

 

My gf today told me she wants to take a break. She said it's not a break up, just a break. I don't understand this. To me it's just a weak way to try to break up w/me.

[sleepers]

i think she wants some space to breathe and some space to do her own things first. during this time, she will better be able to evaluate the relationship to see where it is heading. in all sense it is better for both of you. So not to worry about it yA?

 

If she says its not a breakup, it won't. she's just confused and unsure this time round. let her be. she will be fine

[Luciana]

There is a difference: if you are seeing too much of each other and do everything together, maybe she is not having time to do some things of her own and have some fun with her friends...maybe the relationship is choking her. In that case some time for yourselves alone is important, but that doens't preclude NOT seeing each other at all.

When a guy proposes to take a break it usually means "can I screw somebody else for a while and then come back to you"? When a woman asks for a break, it can mean there is some other guy she would like to have a shot at dating, but she is not sure whether he will like her and she odens't want to lose you as a back up. So beware. One thing is scaling down something that is too intense, another is looking for someone else while preserving the first relationship just in case.

[allein]

so when couples 'take a break' does that mean you can date other people? I asked her that and all she told me was 'do what u need to do'.

[Iceman26]

When someone wants to take a break in a relationship, it signifies their inability to work through and or cope with problems in the relationship. That, or they want to sleep with someone else without feeling guilty.

 

She is telling you its not a breakup because she doesnt want the guilt of being the one to "break up" the relationship. In my opinion you are right, it is a weak way to break up with you.

[Venturer]

I asked her that and all she told me was 'do what u need to do'.

 

 

Ah! there's your answer.

[coasty]

In my case it is looking like it is step one in the break up process.

 

I remember you from my other post. I think you should just move on. From what you've told of this relationship, I think a break is in order. Use this time to come to terms with what you want out of a relationship. I do not mean what you want out of this relationship, but what you want out of any relationship, period. You deserve to find somebody who knows without a doubt that they want to be with you. You're not a yo-yo.

[rollercoaster]

Hey Allein, i feel there's nothing to worry with regard to your gf taking a break. personally i've been having some marital problems and am looking to do just that. i dont think its a bad idea for two individuals to take a break and clear your minds.the time apart may even get your lives back on track. And when you're both recharged, you can talk about things more readily. afterall, if the love and desire are there, it will withstand time and distance. good luck!

[Venturer]

So how can you know whether it is "just a break" or an actual (and feeble) break-up attempt?

[allein]

good question. i am considering us broken up only because it's easier for me that way. I don't know how to tell if it isn't just a feeble breakup attempt. She is afraid of hurting my feelings so this is why i think it's just a feeble break up. I don't know though. I don't know what to think. As each day goes by tho it seems to be getting easier to deal with though. I just took her to the airport this morning and she wanted me to hold her and kiss her good bye. She had such a sad look in her eye everytime she looked at me. It's very confusing.

It hasn't been much of a 'break' though. She still texts me several times a day. Now that she is out of town though, hopefully we can take this 'break' she claims to want. I am getting to the point now where I really don't even care anymore. Yeah, it still hurts, but i'm becoming apathetic to the situation. We'll see what she has to say when she gets back. Hopefully though, we will just continue the break. In my mind i'm letting her go more everyday. I don't think she's letting me go, but that will be her issue in the end and not mine.

[7CardStud]

they are the same thing... It's just kinda like... both sides or one side doesn't have enough courage to break it off...

 

Thats how i view it... Happened to me in my last relationship, as soon as I thought about that she wanted a break... I was like screw that and kept my pride by ending it myself.

 

I haven't talked to her since, and she prolly thinks im a cold and mean person, but I really don't care, she put me a lot more than she knows...

 

Anyways, thats my rant for the day...

[Siwelttap]

Hopefully though, we will just continue the break. In my mind i'm letting her go more everyday.

 

You might want to tell her that and try to salvage what you can of the messy situation.

*shrugs* I think a "lets take a break" is when they're either:

A. Too scared to hurt you to tell you straight up

B. Too insecure about their decision

C. When they're wanting to look elsewhere

 

If its hurting you more than its helping.. do what will help you be happy. As far as you've been told by her, she needs a break to be happy. Focus on yourself for a bit.

 

I'm "young and stupid" though, so i might also be full of... stuff. A heart to heart might be worthwhile though, see what's on both of your minds. Being open about what your feeling helps with things, wherever they lead you. You dont want to be stuck somewhere you dont want to be. Hope that helps a wee little and isn't a load of "stuff"

[moonglow]

I feel for you, I just had this happen to me. Although he said to me he needed til the end of the week to get some clarity on his feelings. Then it turned into 2 weeks. I told him it was unfair to expect me to wait for him to get 'clarity'. You either know if it's in your heart or not. When I said I'm not waiting around and that it's over, he said - if that's what you want. He must have wanted it.

[Flora]

The two are synonymous...just my 2 cents.