Breakup or No?

[rounddumpling]

long story..my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years almost. he’s my first boyfriend. i’m asian. he’s white. not that that’s significant but we’ve gone through many struggles that may be related to cultural differences. my family is buddhist and i was raised to always be calm. to forgive and forget. my bf is exactly the opposite. he has anger issues and holds grudges like no other. anyway. we’ve had many problems throughout the years. it started with me lying about the number of ppl i slept with before him and hanging out with my guy best friend a lot while we first started dating. he didn’t like it so he started cheating on me. it became almost a habit. it’s been ongoing for 4ish years now. and idk if he’ll stop. not only that but he gets angry easily and overreacts. and when he gets mad at me he doesn’t want to talk to me. whereas i want to talk to him to sort things out to clear any miscommunication. one time it got so bad he called the cops on me. all bc i wouldn’t “shut up”. really i was just trying to talk it out. this is also an ongoing problem we can’t seem to fix. there’s so much more but it would be a book if i went on about our issues. i’ve tried to break up with him many many many times throughout the years and every single time without fail he asks for me back. my question is. (which may sound very dumb) is do i break up with him? again? (we just got in another fight today) and if so how do i do it so he never asks for me back? since it’s clear i can’t hold back when he asks to get back together. 

[MissCanuck]

You should have dumped him ages ago. This is incredibly unhealthy. 

You will stay in this cycle until your self-esteem and perception of love are in a better place. Until then, you will likely not be able to extract yourself from this dysfunction. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, rounddumpling said:

 i want to talk to him to sort things out to clear any miscommunication. one time it got so bad he called the cops on me. 

Move out asap before you get arrested.

[Rose Mosse]

It's tough but you have to make peace with what you are and what's going on around you. If it means going against the grain and putting yourself first to survive, so be it. Please don't use your beliefs to keep telling yourself that you deserve to live this way. He's not going to change.

Let go of this guy, move out, start a new life without him and stay single. Figure out what went wrong, more than what you already know about yourself. Find ways to overcome those ingrained beliefs or your culture that's taught you to keep accepting something that's not good for you. I am openminded by the way and have also found ways to reject certain beliefs for self-preservation and long term health. If someone isn't right for you, you walk away. You don't stay remaining that person's punching bag. 

[SooSad33]

12 hours ago, rounddumpling said:

it started with me lying about the number of ppl i slept with before him and hanging out with my guy best friend a lot while we first started dating. he didn’t like it so he started cheating on me. it became almost a habit. it’s been ongoing for 4ish years now. and idk if he’ll stop. not only that but he gets angry easily and overreacts.

Sorry 😞 .. None of this is okay!

He has issue's.

How you do break up and no go back - You just do it... Sadly, it sounds like HE has control over you.

You need to break free of this.. So you make it real in your mind.. and you find that inner strength!  Do you have somewhere to go when you leave?  Then stick to that.. YOU need to realize this guy is not nice!  ( I know you realize this, so stop giving in... he will NOT improve with you).

Get with your plan and keep moving ahead.

Do NOT give in to someone like this - you want out for a reason.