Shy,or simply not interested ????????????????/

[couragous]

I am in my early twenties and he is in his mid-twentis.I loved this guy who was a friend but not one of my closest friends (he is shy).I am shy but something happened which forced me to admit that I had feelings for him to clear my name (I told him that I was interested but it was okay he didn't feel the same).his response was "when did you found the time to be interested in me when you barely even knew me? "I really don't understand his answer wasn't +ve or -ve .why didn't he give me a decent answer? he used to flirt with me (wink and stuff which left me confused, one day distant and another really flirty .He even asked me whether I liked another guy that was interested in me .he doesn't really know the guy except they are in class together, they are not friends. what I really wish to know why the comment" when did I found the time to be interested him, when I barely even know him",this took place over 2 months ago. I don't want to ask him again in order not to seem desperate but from what I see he is flirting. Please help me by giving your opinions what you think of the situation. He asked me about the other guy before he knew I was interested in him because he saw me standing with the other guy. Another thing that before I told him I was interested his friends smiled at me and once I asked to meet him for some reason and his friend hit his arm and pointed out like there she is. I don't know whether his answer was a no or why don't you spend more time to know me (this took place in chat conversation),we don't see each other often.he now gets nervous sometimes and sometimes flirty. like once I chatted with he changed his picture to his picture in the gym(this is after he knew I was interested).his display name was a name of a song I had as one my favorites and when I asked him whether he liked the singer ,his answer was (yeah ,don't you).I am getting mixed signals. His English is not that great. After he knew I was interested he saw walking with a guy friend of mine and he had to stop and joke and flirt with me. But when I see him with other girls I just wave at him .what's up!!! He used not start the chat but after that I didn't start once and waited 10 minutes then started. And he kept changing his display pictures with pictures of himself. Could he be not sure of his feelings or does he have split personality.my mom thinks he not sure of his feelings ,that he is confused and hence his answer.She also thinks what he meant to say is that I put no effort in getting to know him.lost and gbieng driven nuts and really need help.I know he was hurt before by a friend of mine over 2 years ago.

[sara-pezzini]

well it could be that he is shy or just carefull after being hurt once,when you say his english isn't very good,do you mean he is from another country?because then it is also possible that the words came out of his mouth differently then he intended...from experience I know that a shy guy who is afraid to get hurt again sends mixed signals and it takes a LOT of effort to break through their "wall"if you know what I mean...hope this helps...goodluck!!!

[couragous]

yes he is from another country ,english is not his mother tongue .This is what he wrote in his own words"when did u even find time to be interested in me , while u barley know me !"

[sara-pezzini]

then I think he meant it slightly different then how it came out so I wouldn't think to much of what he said,my guy is also from a different culture then me and sometimes he says things that sound very strange,but now I know what he means by it but that took some time!!I think his actions speak louder than his words,I think he is confused,maybe a bit scared but I also think that he does like you,be a bit careful with him,get to know him without him feeling the pressure that you want more,just try to be his friend for a while...but basically listen to your instincts!!because they are usually right!!!

[couragous]

how can I get him explain what he meant, what he meant ?I have very limited options and very limited time,but I don't want to regret not doing anything.I really love him and thought of living without kills me everyday.I know he is shy because he was interested in a friend of mine over 4 years ago and had his heart broken because he never made a move ,or said anything .he was friends with her but he loved her and never said anything so she was sick of waiting and moved on.please help.everybody thinks i am crazy because i didn't give up on him ,they say its hopeless and are trying to hook me up with guys that I feel nothing for.I just can't get myself to liking anybody else.

[couragous]

can anybody relate ???I want more opinions so I don't make a fool of myself

[sara-pezzini]

then I would say,go for it!!!!!what is the worst that can happen?he might not like you in that way,well then at least you will know that instead of always wondering....people told me to forget about my guy too,because it took very very long,but my feelings are just so strong that I couldn't walk away...I wrote him a letter telling him that I was in love with him and he didn't really react,I really scared him with it,but after a few weeks he began acting the same as he used to,he obviously got used to the idea,he started to be more selfconfident and happier,and giving me all kinds of hints that he felt the same way about me,he just can't express his feelings,but I held on,didn't give up when everyone told me to,because to me it felt right,and well now finally it is right!!!!he is now my boyfriend,still there are some problems that I won't bore you with,but I now know for sure that he feels the same way about me and sees me as his girlfriend...So by not listening to anyone and following my heart,was the best thing I ever did,so please don't listen to people who tell you to give up,try first!!!!!!!tell him how you feel,ask him out for a real date and don't think too much about what he said!!!GO FOR IT!!!!!!you have nothing to lose only much to win,and this will not happen if you don't try!!!!especially since you already know that he is shy to try anything!!!!

[couragous]

well,I am bit scared to ask since this incident happened over 2 months ago and I feel I already made my feeling clear.I Know it was dumbly put ,I sent him an email which I wan't sure he read because he didn't reply,then we chatted and I said "Now that we are past the fact and u know that I was interested in u and I know u weren't interested in me, I won't be as shy with u " then he gave his odd answer ,then my reply was "believe me I am okay".he was awkward,then he became a little flirty but nothing much.I just want answer yes or no.I don't want to look desperate and needy,yet I love him a lot and don't want risk losing him if thats not what he meant.I sometimes think he afraid of being hurrt again,but I can't swear.he once put his name on the chat as one my favorite songs (its a song thats been out over 10 years),so i asked him if he liked the singer and his reply was yes,don't u like him?what strikes me odd i just had this song upload on site where friends can see it including him ,I don't know whether he saw my site or it was just a matter of coincidence?but was odd,I felt he was hinting to me .maybe I am just plain nuts .but it was a song out 10 years ago and his reply struck me odd "don't u like him".please give advice .despertately in love but don't want to be a fool

[sara-pezzini]

well I can only give the same advice,if you are desperately in love,you have to do something about it!!because if you don't do anything you will never have him and can you then live with just his friendship?I don't think so...because these feelings will only grow,and will then hurt you and keep you fantasizing and wondering about his feelings.so that is a situation you don't want to be in,believe me,just ask/tell him and also explain to him your doubts and fears because I am sure that to him you are also sending mixed signals and since he was alreay hurt once,maybe he is scared to meke himself vulnerable...and thereforeee just does nothing to avoid getting hurt!!!that with the song can be a coincidence but I don't think so...maybe it was his way of giving a hint...I do think that he absolutely likes you,otherwise he wouldn't do those things,I think it's only the fact that he is scared....and you are scared and then it leads to nothing!!!one of you has to be brave...I would maybe write him a letter telling and explaining everything(that is what I did)because that gives him time to think,he doesn't have to react immediately to your face,which is probably scary for him,and would maybe cause him to say something strange again....I'd say just do it,because this situation drives you crazy...and at least knowing how he feels will give you peace of mind!!

[sara-pezzini]

one more thing,also you already said to him that you knew he wasn't interested and that was fine with you.....well that is a very mixed signal for a shy guy!!!!!!he can even think that you were kidding and didn't really mean it!!!