Is he cheating

[army wife]

My husband works second shift and I work first. Lately my friend has been coming to my house will I am at work and he is at home. The first time I knew she was coming out here because he needed to put a part on her car. After he put the part on the car they come inside. He claims he was doing the dishes and "talking" to my friend while my daughter was in the other room cutting her hair off. The second time I met her on the road as I was coming home and she was coming from my house. I didn't say anything to my husband about me seeing her at first. Then about 20 minutes later I said "so how long was so and so here" he said "yeah she came over to see you" Lately when she is around all she talks about is my husband. And he used to get off work around 1 o'clock in the morning now he comes in around 3 or 4"oclock in the morning. He says they just have alot of work. With the holiday coming up. I have been married for almost 8 years. I don't want to overreact and lose him. I just feel it in my gut that something is wrong.

[marriedmom]

trust your instincts. And become your own PI.

[reflectionlessmirror]

Sounds fishey, but then again i am a jelous person and always think the worst. Do youhave aloving realtionship or are there problems. Is your friend in a realationship? iwas jsut wondering...maybe her significant other has noticed odd behavior in her as well? Hmmm. I dont have much good advice for you because my relationship is in shambles for never trusting my bf! I would want to jsut confront him, but that would probably cause even more problems and then he could use your insecurity as a lame excuse if he is cheating. Alot of men do that, God knows why. If they are messing around, your friend really sucks!

[ghozt]

sounds like your not trusting him enuff right now. maybe him and your friend are planing something for you do you have a b-day annivrsery coming up? if your daughter was there im sure they wernt gonna do anything with her around too risky you know. well thats just my opin so confront him and what hes been doing if he wont admit hes probly planning something for a surpize on you or he is cheating so talk with him

[army wife]

About my friend being in a relationship. She is 17 and has a boyfriend. They have alot of problems. She says he is to needy for attention. She had a relationship last summer with my brother-in-law and claims she is still in love with him and she was talking to a 33 year old at her work all at the same time. So that could be a reason I don't feel good about her hanging around when I'm not home. My husband just came home from a year and a half in Iraq. We have always had problems with him ignoring me. But since he has been home it seems almost like he doen't care anymore or would rather be somewhere else. I keep thinking that could be because he has alot on his mind. Mabey he is still trying to settle in. I have confronted him about my feelings. He just says that its rediculus and that she is just a kid.

[kskm]

This is what I would do... I would tell her that you want to meet her for lunch, and sit down and tell her that you wish for her not to go to your house without calling first... and ask her if she has a thing with your husband.. tell her that you think it's inappropriate for her to always talk about your husband... then I would go home and tell your husband that you just had a talk with so and so and tell him that you told her that she was making you uneasy and you told her to leave him alone. Or you can choose not to tell him what you two discussed. You can also drive by his work one night and see where his car is. If it's there then no need to worry, if it's not, then you have your answer. But I wouldn't make it a habit...

[army wife]

Thank you all so much for your advice. I have been really upset for days about this. It looks like I will just have to do alittle secret investigating. Thanks agian for everyones replies.

[LuvstuffNStuff]

Most of my friends know when I am at home and how to get ahold of me, if she is any kind of fiend, wouldn't she know your schedule and how to get ahold of you? And when you passed her on the road to your house? Did she notice you?? cuz if she did and her whole purpose for going out there was to see you, why didn't she turn around?

I am a very non jealous person, and 2 times in a past relationship I had this gut instinct that something was not right, well my instinct was correct, and I vowed to myself that I would NEVER ignore my gut instinct, as well as you should not right now. I would be doing some searching to get to the bottom of this, and I would confront my so called friend and tell her that I am not liking how things are looking. Its betrayal when you are cheated on, but to have the other woman be your own friend, thats the ultimate betrayal and I would not allow anyone to make me look like a fool. Get to the bottom of it, for your sake.

[Falucchi]

Frankly, I would NOT allow a minor child in my home, with an adult male there, without supervision.

Sorry-- too many weird things can happen.

 

If they have sex, it can be called rape in many states.

Underage teenager girls are NOT ALLOWED in my home with adult males, no matter who the girls are, and no matter who the men are. That's just asking for trouble.

 

PS-- why do you have teenage friends??? How old are you???

[brokenhearted929]

Oh my gosh, I feel for you right now. I unfortunately think your suspicions are right on target. You have to be sneeky yourself and get some evidence. Sometimes its the not knowing even when you feel like you don't want the truth. Men like this will deny even when you finally get your evidence in black and white. I just don't understand myself why they do this. But try to get the evidence you don't want to jepordize your family if you are wrong..

[cbreslin]

I know exactly how you feel. I am an Air Force wife and I had a similar situation with my husband. We use to hang out with a couple that we were really good friends with and everything was fine for a while then one night while we were hanging out I decided to go home early because I was pregnant and not feeling well, he stayed. I woke up at 4am and he still wasn't home so I called and he was there talking to the girl while everyone else was asleep, and what they were talking about was our sex life and how he was not getting as much sex as he wanted. I flipped out, I thought that it was inappropriate for him to talk to another woman about those things that he should talk to me about them. I broke the friendship off, I felt very uncomfortable. I know how women are and if she is talking about your husband all the time I too would question her intentions. I would seriously confront the both of them maybe separately and when they are in the same room, honey you will know if something is going on even if they are not being truthful with you because no one wants to admit something once they have been busted.

 

I wish you the best and I hope that it is nothing but if not you will have some major decisions to make.

 

Cherie

[stressed1]

Hi,

 

Here is my own advice and view on this, and it comes from me being the 3rd party in an affair, so i know some things.....

 

ok, firstly, on a respect and trust and feelings perspective, any guy that puts u through so much stress as this shouldnt be doing it. if u were my wife, i wouldnt be doing this friendship thing if it was affecting u. is the friendship so important that it affects his marriage?

 

secondly, unless ur over reacting or the very jealous type, ur fears usually have some foundation. its been too blatant so far, too stereotypical of an affair for u not to be concerned. to ask him, unless u trust him 100%, is pointless really, as it will make the affair go underground and unless he respects and loves u, will say NO! anyway. so where does that leave u? if u trusted him anyway then asking only causes damage. so no real point to that.

 

if u want to put ur mind at ease, investigating urself is the only way, or letting things develop further to see if it is indeed true. the problem is, the doubhts and suspicions are often as bad as the the discovery, causes the same damage.

 

 

if he cant moderate it/stop it/reassure u, then that is the time to investigate. but make sure u do it extremely carefully.

[RayKay]

There are founded reasons as to why there is that saying "a woman always knows". Your gut faced with these suspicious going-ons is telling you something. His behaviour patterns have changed giving some credit to something is changed in his life.

 

Look at other behaviours - is he taking care to dress different, wear cologne for example? Has your sex life with him changed?

 

As his wife, you have every right to know what is going on in my opinion in this case. Your friends history & her behaviour (asking questions about him) leaves enough concern in my mind that she herself is up to no good. I don't CONDONE snooping, but I do say that there is enough strange going-ons to say that things are either at a point where there may be something going on or it is leading to something. How old are you in comparison to her? As in...why are you friends if she is much younger and you don't trust her either?

 

The trick now is to getting that "evidence" that it really is going on if it is, without becoming overly sneaky and creating evidence that is not there.

Funny thing about trust...its pretty crucial to a relationship and without it you have nothing.

 

Something is suspicous though on either his part, her part or the both of them. And I hate to say it too as it was already said, but there is a certain culture in the military where cheating is more common (I was in the milita

ry and saw it happen often myself).

 

Also...have you suggested counselling, even without these suspicions it sounds like you two are having communication/relationship problems as is which need to be addressed.