Please help me :( Part 2

[coolchick]

Hi everyone,

I posted something on here just yesterday. I feel so stupid. Im sorry for coming on here all the time and making new posts. Feels like its all i ever do but i know that i can just get everything out in the open on here Its a real long story but i explained it in Part one if you could do a search on my name. Basically i kept in touch with my ex after a while of no contact. I felt that not being friends with him was 10 times worse than not having him in my life. Everything was ok, we were talking like normal for a couple of days just getting used to being friends. But then yesterday he started telling me that he regreted his decision and didnt realise what he had until it was gone. He said that he made so many mistakes and that he still loved me and couldnt bear not being with me. He has another girlfriend just now who he said that he was seeing to get over me. I was so confused but kind of happy. But he didnt come right out and ask me back due to this girlfriend.

At 4am this morning though, i got a text message from him saying that he regretted everything that he had said to me that day and that he has no desire atall of ever getting back together with me and that it was completely over. He was on nightshift at work so i knew that it wasnt drink or anything talking. I couldnt believe this. For a whole 2 hours of talking on msn that day he was so sincere and loved me but then a few hours later he's taken it all completely back. How can someone do that to another person? Be so evil and twisted. I asked him that and he denied saying that he told me those things atall. I know i shouldnt speak to him guys but i guess its too late for that....he was being really good with me and we were getting on great as friends, just talking normally. But then he had to ruin it and tell me all that stuff then go straight back to calling me a liar and that he doesnt want to be with me atall. I know that he's enjoying playing with me...felt as though i was getting on with my life and wanted to ruin it. But why? What good feeling does anyone get of being so vindictive and nasty? Im straight back to square one again and i feel like we've just broken up all over again. Except this time its worse can i cant have him in my life atall now Im not sure what id want to...i guess i just want the guy that was such a huge part of my life for 4 years back and he's turned into a monster Im so depressed.

[DN]

Your absolute best bet is to go no contact - it will be hard but not as hard as all this crap that he gives you.

[annie24]

Hey honey I'm sorry about all of this. I also think it's mean what he's done to you. Now, don't let him hurt you anymore! Time for strict NC. Surround yourself with the things and people you love. There's a great book - I think you should read it, "He's just not that into you." In a strange way, I think it may insipire you to get out of your funk. Good luck

[coolchick]

Thank you so much....i know that now its time for NC. The pain is unbearable. How can someone take so much joy out of hurting and playing with someone that was such a big part of their life. We were friends since we were 11 and got together at 17. Now he's completely different and i wonder what ive done to deserve being treated the way i am now all i wanted was to be friends...why couldnt he just give me that instead of telling me he loves me...then 2 secs later tell me he has no intention of ever being with me. We were talking so good about other things...why did he have to do that

[DN]

Can't really answer that because there are too many possibilities. Exploring them would give you hope or devastate you - neither option is good for you.

 

Assume it is over, try to stop worrying about why he is behaving like that and find someone who doesn't - once you have healed.

[annie24]

Ditto to what DN said - his behavior is rather odd. I can't make heads or tails of it either. There is no point in driving yourself crazy trying to figure it out. The bottom line is that he doesn't want to be with you anymore, so you have to accept it and move on. I know - it would almost be easier if he told you he met someone new, because that answer would make more sense, but that's not what you got from him. Good luck in your healing.

[Ablisstoreminisce]

Hey DN,

 

That phrase "No contact", is really great. I've seen it on Rhonda Findlings message board on her website. She's the author of "The Commitment Cure", which is an awesome book. It helped me to understand these flakey guys who can't make up their minds and send double messages. I totally understand with that no contact thing.

 

-A Bliss To Reminisce (Shari)

[Ablisstoreminisce]

Rhonda Findling also wrote a book called "Dont' Call That Man!" which i think you'd find really useful. Actually i think there's something about her on this website.

 

-Shari

[UGH1607307217]

Oh, Im so sorry! I definitely think NC is the key, It took me a while but I eventually got there. I actually got the book "Hes Just Not that Into You" for my birthday, its a great read, and somewhat helpful now that Ive joined the "dating scene" again.

 

Believe me and everyone else who says NC works, by keeping in contact with him and allowing him to play with your emotions is not healthy...it trashes your spirit and soul. I know after four years it may seem like you need to have him in your life, and the fact that youve known each other since you were 11(?) doesnt help any. My ex of five years wanted to stay friends after he broke off our engagement (cheated actually, my story is out there as well) I fought against it for months and finally won, I am so much better spiritually.

 

Dont feel like you are being a pain with all of your posts, thats what this site is all about, we are here to try to help each other through these tough times. Hang in there and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!

 

Have a great day all!

 

Paula

[Dragonfly81]

Your story is similar to mine, you have known this guy since childhood, were highschool sweethearts then out of the blue he leaves and gets a new girlfriend.

 

I think what is hard about dating someone since high school is that your 20s are a time when you really change who you are. I'm not the same person I was in high school and I'm sure you are not either. And these "boys" that we were dating certainly have changed as well. I think it is very hard to change with someone, which is why you don't hear many stories of people finding their "soul mate" in high school.

 

I know how hurt you are, and I know how scared you are. You probably felt the same way, that you were going to spend the rest of your life with this guy, and now there is so much uncertainty which can be so hard to face. I think no contact is the key, hard as it is, as well as really starting to explore who you are and who you want to become. Face the hurt, the fear, the anger so that you can really heal from this and move onto a much brighter, happier future.