ex breaks nc after 6 months.

[tman]

Cheers once again, In a way I think you are right Ripples.

 

Thanks Vinaub what your saying is very true and shows some of the dangers of any reconcilliation i.e how honest and genuine it is, and also the fact that the dumper has done it once so they can do it again. (then again anyone can leave at any point in any relationship so it may be naive not to think this).

 

 

I too have wanted to get some more female perspectives. Your views would be highly appreciated.

[PrincessLinzay]

Hello Tman~

 

Female perspective? I answer the call. Lol.

 

I think the whole situation was random. Money owed after 6 months? Oh c'mon! I think she had this rather ill conceived notion of emailing because she had an inkling that you were moving on. Surprise, surprise.

 

"What? He's getting over me? This is not happening!" Lol

 

I definitely wouldn't go out of my way to get her this money. She asked for it, now let her quit beating around the bush about it. You shouldn't be chasing her to give back money. (I know I wouldn't )

 

Keep busy with your life and try not to let her suck you back into the vortex of her complexly feminine emotions. If she's having some type of emotional breakdown, guess she'll have to figure out that enigma on her own! I think after six months and your initial attempt to pay her back to no avail, she has lost that money by default. Just my opinion.

 

Ah, sometimes my own sex crack me up. heh.

[tman]

Loving the attitude PrincessLinzay,

 

Not only a female post but one thats got some character in it too, cool I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.

 

Its possible what you say is true, and is definitely along the lines of what a couple of us guys here thought,... so its nice to hear (as you say) "some of her own sex" think the same too. But i guess i'll never know.

 

the vortex of her complexly feminine emotions.

 

so true and so well put....I could not have described it better myself

 

Liking the losing the money by default part. May have to try that one soon.

 

Cheers

Tman

[tman]

I definitely now know that she is playing some sort of game with me.

 

As I had not seen her log into messenger for over 3 weeks now I could not really 100% say that she had seen my email (which i sent 2 weeks ago) concerning the money I am trying to get back to her.

 

So last night and today she logged in for about 30 mins, I remained off line on both occasions. (Who uses messenger without checking their emails?)

 

This thus confirms for me that she must have seen my email but is for some reason stalling in contacting me. What is she waiting for? For me to beg her to take the money from me.

 

Good luck to her...

[alphonsefa]

Hey Tman,

 

I've dealt with the "mother" of all psychotic women. She has taken off and come back 3 times and actually called me after three months of NC, after our third breakup. I know exactly how you feel, I don't think you ever really shake it off, regardless of what you will hear. Don't get me wrong, as time goes on you will stop thinking of her less, but make no mistake, should you cross paths with her for whatever reason in the future; a lot of feelings that you thought wre dead will resurface. Am I telling you this to depress you? Absolutely not! It's just a fact of intense relationships, especially when you lay it all out there to love someone whole heartedly. I know this for fact, because I have every reason to hate her, and yet even though I know it won't happen, I do wish for that moment of epiphany that hits her, and she realizes what she has really lost. Here is my perspective on my Ex, and maybe it will give you a new point of view on yours.

 

Point 1.) My Ex went 3 months of total NC before she picked up the phone to call me to just see how I was doing.

 

View 1.) To be objective about it, I must really mean very little in her life, if she could just "turn me off" like that for 3 months straight. Do you really want someone who can "just turn you off" when she wants to? When she ignores your emails and disappears for stretches as she does now, she is "turning you off".

 

Point 2.) Never beat yourself up for telling her how you truly feel, regardless of what advice you are given here.

 

View 2.) Now by saying that, I don't mean to be her doormat. And I also agree with some previous posts that you don't want to completely fawn over her because that is a turn off. But you know what, at least you laid it on the line for her, and told her what was in your heart. I'd rather lose someone by wearing my heart on my sleeve, then to get involved in games where I have to worry about what and what not to say. If I have to appear as something I am not to gain the attention of someone, I don't want them! The other downside of the games, and make no mistake they are games when you have to strategize how to get someone back, is that even when you get them back, you then have to remain in character. Do you really want someone for which you have to think of ways to make them pay attention to you?

 

Point 3.) Love is black and white!

 

View 3.) True love is black and white. It's not something that is artificially created or twisted in painful treatment from someone that you probably would give the world for (even though she doesn't deserve it). It's not clouded in indecision and doubt. It's not clouded in game playing and strategies to make someone pay attention to you. Here's the best strategy, be yourself. Because if you are always your true self you won't have any regrets if a relationship should go bad. I can live with losing someone because they didn't feel as strongly as I did for them; but I couldn't live with losing them under false pre-tenses. Her treatment of you is clouded in greyness, even the way she seems to be holding onto you, leading you on, and keeping you as the back up plan, should her grand scheme blow up in her face (which it undoubtedly will). With that being said, is her treatment of you black and white in regard to her love for you?

 

Point 4.) Sometimes life pushes us in directions that we should've found for ourselves.

 

View 4.) In the future, whenever you see someone pulling back from you like she has done with you, walk away from the relationship. Don't ever try to make someone love you, and don't EVER try to fix something that you didn't break! Of course every relationship has issues. But I bet you wouldn't have thrown the relationship away, yet she did. She took the one thing that was most precious to you, your love for her, and she tossed it aside like yesterday's trash. I think that speaks more to who she is as a person and has nothing at all to do with you. It seems her solution is to just blow something up when she isn't happy with it. Worse yet, after she blows it up, she totally leads you on to keep you hanging on, even though she doesn't want you. And make no mistake, she doesn't want you, the same as my EX doesn't want me! If she really loved you and wanted you, she would go through hell to try and get you back. So unless she lays it all out there for you, and professes some new found love for you, stay away from her; otherwise she will keep you on the string (regardless of how much you profess you are healed) and she will continue to hurt you.

 

Point 5.) It always rubs me the wrong way when people tell me that NC is to heal myself. Maybe that's what it is for some people, but not me.

 

View 5.) NC is a test. It's a test to see her true feelings for you. If you go 100% NC and she isn't contacting you, she has given you a look into her soul and true feelings for you. Think about it like this. If you were worried you could really lose someone special in your life, and you really cared for them, and thought you may have made a mistake in ending the relationship, you'd do everything possible to make contact and let that person know that you were sorry and that you were wrong. When she "turns you off" like this, she doesn't look real worried about losing you. You're the back up plan, that's why she is stringing you along. No one deserves to be anyone elses back up plan, espcially someone like you that gave your heart to her, and laid it all on the line. When she threw your relationship away, she crossed that line; and speaking from experience, once that line is crossed the relationship is over. You can't put the genie back in the bottle, no matter how hard you try. And the easier you make it for her to hold you, or worse yet, to come back to you, the more she will actually lose resepect for you. Crazy, but true!

 

Don;t mean to sound negative or harsh, just tryin to give you a fresh perspective.

[melrich]

Why don't you just send her the cheque!!!

[tman]

ALPHONSEFA...

 

Excellent post, its really good to get peoples perspectives on things especially when they are as smart and well thought out as your post. It may sound negative but that I can take it and its sometimes the things that you dont want to hear that are the things you do need to hear, I can take it and appreciate it.

 

Reflecting upon your post has enabled me to fill in some gaps in my thinking where I was almost there but could not truly express to myself or others how I felt especially on points 4 and 5.

 

However I must say that I disagree with your points on love being black and white. I from experience definitely know it is not, if it were that easy I do not think we would be on these boards. The grey areas are part of the dynamics of relationships, their growth, fading, learning what love is, and learning what love is not. I dont think that the time between my ex waking up in the mornings cuddling me and saying how much she loved me and wanted to be with me forever... to breaking up with me saying she was not sure how she felt anymore/wanted some space happened overnight. There must have been a grey area there. Yes sometimes it can happen overnight where you justy look at someone and realise it is not there any more, but even then there must have been a gradual decline before the dumper realises this, which even they themselves did not notice.

 

But like I said I read your post, enjoyed it and really took it in. thanks for taking the time to give me your perspective dude....

 

Whatever her reasons are for her taking her time with this is not my problem. It just makes it harder for me to look at that cash and not want to hit the city and party... 8)

 

MELRICH

 

Yep that will be my next move probably next week. I do not have her full home address (with postcode that is), so can't send it to her house. I did ask her to give me her address before but she did not get round to it and is one of the things I asked her for in the email I sent her.

I guess I'll have to contact her mother or sister to get the address or give it to them somethign I really did not want to do. Oh well.

[alphonsefa]

Tman,

 

I don't think your Ex was ever in love with you, regardless of what she told you; as I don't believe my Ex was truly in love with me either. Don't mean to be harsh, but it is what it is. It's funny, she may have deemed you as being needy because you wore your heart on your sleeve, yet she needed you so much at that time, that she actually lied to you by telling you she loved you, on top of all of the other promises that she made. My Ex did it too! "You're heaven sent", "you are the greatest guy", "I feel like I don't deserve you", "I've never had it that long!" (referring to how long we would have sex). ect.... I've heard them all. She was even making appointments to go see houses for us to buy, and talking about having a baby with me. Yet, her actions destroyed all of that in the blink of an eye. Judge people on what they do, and not what they say. Talk is cheap, but how they treat you will tell you all you need to know. Sadly, "I love you" is a term that many people throw around loosely, especially people who want to hold onto you until they decide what they want. Don't ever go for the "I'm confused" or "I need some space" lines. Yeah she may be confised, but it's not about whether she loves you or not. Her confusion lies in how she can keep you strung along until she can find something that she deems as better. One thing I've learned is don't take it personal, the way I intially did. The guy my Ex went back to on and off treated her horribly and actually physically abused her the one time. Now couple that with the fact that he is over weight, not in the best of health, has a dead end job, and has done things to her that you could never imagine! Damn, what women wouldn't want that?!....LOL. That is one heck of an ego blow, even to a guy like myself who has never had trouble dating attractive women and has done things professionally that most people would never get the chance to do. So look at it objectively, did she ever really love you or did she tell you things to keep you strung along?

 

She once asked me what my two biggest fears were and I gave her a God's honest answer. I told her personally, it would be not having her in my life; and professionally it would be not living up to my potential. When I lost the one thing (her pulling away from me) it forced me into a direction I thought I had lost forever, and would've had I stayed with her. I figured, okay, one of my biggest fears has already happened. I lost the girl I loved, the girl I wanted a family with, the girl who meant everything to me. Then I realized, I have absolutely no control over her feelings, but I do have control over what I do professionally. I reached back to an old connection from the Music Indistry, an Industry that I had pretty much walked away from 7 years ago. During the course of the rekindling of that old relationship, I helped my buddy out, not because I wanted anything from him, but because he was a friend and needed a hand. The more we talked together, the more we realised that although we've had what other people would deem success, we never accomplished the things we truly dreamed of. In June I formed a partnership with my friend, and another friend of his. My friend just so happens to have 2 Grammy Awards and 19 Gold and Platinum albums, I have 2 myself. I couldn't of asked for a better business venture to enter, with 2 better people. Now I find myself realizing that had I stayed with her, and I could get her back if I really wanted to (she's already come back 3 times), I would never be in this current position. The shock of losing her, made me cut through all of the garbage of life and lay it all on the line to go for what I've always dreamed about. So in the end she did me a great favor, first she left me which I am now grateful for because the one thing I don't want is someone who doesn't really want me in her life. Secondly, she woke me out of a funk professionally. She made me understand what things I had control over and what things I didn't. I learned that she doesn't need me and I don't need her. I learned that as much as I am hurt now, when this all shakes out in the not so distant future, I'm the one that is holding all of the cards. I can tell you exactly where she'll be 5 years from now and the type of guy and life she will have. I'm a wildcard, she has no idea what I am up to, and she has no idea what I will be in 5 years. Though she will hear of it, not from me directly, but because of the nature of publicity and advertising. I'm not the one going to be asking the "what if" question, she will be. Keep your head up, and don't initiate contact with her under any circumstance. Let her do the work, she owes it to you for the way she has treated you.

[tman]

Dude....

 

I know what love is, so does she, she is not the type of person to use the word lightly (been in relationships before me, some mature some immature which helps to cancel out theories of being new to the whole thing) and I am not the type of person that can not see when love is not really meant. Her actions said it, things we went through together said it, friends and people outside the relationship said it.

 

It's funny, she may have deemed you as being needy because you wore your heart on your sleeve, yet she needed you so much at that time, that she actually lied to you by telling you she loved you, on top of all of the other promises that she made. My Ex did it too! "You're heaven sent", "you are the greatest guy", "I feel like I don't deserve you", "I've never had it that long!" (referring to how long we would have sex).

 

WRONG

I was lucky enough not to enter such a shallow (if that is the right word) type of relationship. This is one reason why I fell for her in the first place and one quality I admire in women and want in my gF's. She was independent, outspoken ambitous, big on honesty , trust and being truthful, always said she did not want to rely on any man and always pointed out that I was the one who was soft and to not rely too much on others, referring to the bad crowd I use to be around. We both had come out of bad/toxic long term relationships and new that to be needy was not good for any relationship.

 

This idea that she has strung me a long may be true, but not to the extreme you make it out to be and I dont see where you get that idea from. You try to make out that the stringing along was due to her being cold and somewhat evil, but dude realise sometimes the dumper finds it hard to hurt the dumpee especially if love is involved. You may see me as foolish to think this way, but I know the good nature of the girl I was with and so it is hard for me to see it any other way.

 

From what I can make out this is what happened to you. Our situations may be similar, the predicaments the same, but please don't try to tarnish all relationships that end this way with the same brush.

 

Yes my ex has left and hurt me, but I know she loved me, I may look like some sentimental soppy fool by holding on to this fact but I know it and she knows it and she has said that she knows she still does. Its just the levels of love that has changed.

 

What are you going to tell me next dude...That I never loved her?

 

Sorry to be harsh but you have been a bit too judgemental of a situation and persons you know little about.

 

I can tell you exactly where she'll be 5 years from now and the type of guy and life she will have. I'm a wildcard, she has no idea what I am up to, and she has no idea what I will be in 5 years. Though she will hear of it, not from me directly, but because of the nature of publicity and advertising. I'm not the one going to be asking the "what if" question, she will be

 

 

You sound bitter dude. Theres moving on with your life and being successful and showing the ex that you can do well without them, but there's also letting your past control your future in a negative way, making one seem a little arrogant and still showing hurt from the past by trying to inflict that hurt upon your ex. Are you truly doing this for yourself or to get back at her?

A perfect example is Danimal77 (RIP, lol) who carried and projected his emotions into his next relationships and has since suffered the consequences, with which he is admirably (i think thats the spelling) dealing with now.

 

Alphonsefa, I am sorry to seem agrressive but I dont like your current stance on my situation as you are downplaying a relationship that I valued deeply. I still thank you though for your input and advice. Keep it coming. If you feel I am wrong or offend you in any way I apologise now and pls tell me so.

[alphonsefa]

Sorry dude, you took what I said in totally the wrong light. I can only go on what you've told us so far and relate it back to my situation. It wasn't meant as a personal attack or a judgement on you; I don't even know you, just a little about your situation.

 

Yes, I am bitter, very. Not bitter because we broke up, maybe I didn't make that clear. Relationships go bad sometimes, I'm an adult, I understand that. I'm bitter that she used me, something she actually admitted to, with the caveat being, "but it wasn't on purpose". LOL, well I guess that made it okay then in her twisted sense of reality. Yet, I in no way would ever hurt her, or cause any conflict, or turmoil in her life (I never have and I never will); she does a good enough job of that herself. Unlike her EX that would've physically hit her, I had a few stern words for her and showed her the door. Do I wish her happiness, absolutely not. I hope she stays as miserable and depressed as she was before she met me. That may not be the politically correct thing to say, but it's honest. On top of it, I've left her alone everytime she's pulled back. I've never chased her without her pulling me in first. In fact at the last breakup I told her to go away and not call me anymore. She told me she'd never call again, and then 3 months later the phone rang. Guess who?!

 

Am I doing what I'm doing to prove myself to her, or rub her face in it? Absolutely not! I've already proven myself. The one positive thing she did do for me, inadvertently, was remind me that you come into this world alone and you leave the same way, so you better look out for yourself first. The breakup shook me so bad, that got me out of the waiting for thinngs to happen mode, and pushed me into the making things happen mode.

 

Now back to your situation. Listen to me and others on this one. Do not pursue her, if you really want her back. The more you pursue the more distant she'll grow. What threw my Ex off balance and still does, is that she thought I needed her. When I left her alone it confused her and she actually came crying onetime saying, "you're the strong one, not me". No, I wasn't any stronger than her, I just realized that the more I tried to get her back, the more she would pull away. What I was trying to say to you is, don't let her have her cake and eat it too. She either wants you in her life or she doesn't? If you want to become her friend, hoping that this will be an avenue to re-spark her feelings, you're in for a painful ride. The worst part being, that she really will turn you into a friend and only see you in that light. She broke up with you. The greatest gift you can give her now is to let her see what life really is without you; by that I mean, totally without you. Don't give her the comfort of knowing you are only a message or phone call away. It makes too easy for her. I'm not being sarcastic when I tell you this, really give her the gift of knowing what life is like without you. If she comes back to you, you have a chance. If she doesn't, you don't need her.

 

You've already told her how you feel, and I'm sure she knew it all along. You need to do nothing more on your part to prove to her that you care, except sit on your hands and let the chips fall where they may. I'm doing it myself. It's been 5 weeks since we've exchanged a word with each other. And anytime you are feeling weak, just tell yourself, that if you contact her, it's going to have the opposite effect of what you want, and it will. Good luck!

[tman]

Alphonsefa, thanks for the advice and sorry if I took what you said the wrong way. I can definitely see where you are coming from.

 

Like you said I will not be and have not been pursuing her, hence the lengthy nc (which is for my healing not to get back with her) and only replying to any contact she makes.

 

I am not going to lie and say that I don't want to get back with her, but I know that for now I must let go and if our paths cross in the future and it happens it will happen on its own and there is really not much I can do to change her mind. Its her choice.

 

All that I have been wondering is what type of message is she trying to or does she think she is conveying to me by not pursuing the money issue promptly. Personally if I was her I would be in and out with no fuss, not prolonging things. Oh well...women.

 

Cheers anyway buddy for your advice.

[alphonsefa]

Tman,

 

The money issue is just a way for her to keep a tie with you, and is the reason she isn't pursuing it. See if this scenario strikes any similarity to yours:

 

After the second breakup with the Ex, I had totally left her be. She owed me $700, and even though we had no communication, I knew she would pay it back. For as screwed up as she is, and believe me she is, she was never a money grubber. So during this separation, after hearing nothing for 4 weeks, I get a message left on my machine that she had made an appointment to file for her taxes electronically. She didn't need to tell me that because she already ahd given me a time fram in which she would repay the money. It was simply an excuse to call me. So during her message, my machine cut her off and I only got part of it. So I called and left her a message. Just said, "hey, your message got cut off, bye". Well she called that night and the call never mentioned the tax refund, it was more a clear her conscience call. I think what jarred her most was when she said to me, "well be thankful you're not with me, I don't know if I can have another kid". To which I responded, "as much as I would like to have a kid with you, I would never, ever, throw you away because you weren't able to give me a baby". The next day I got a one line email from her, "should we try again?" As not to pressure her, I made a dinner date with her 2 weeks out, figured it would give us time to talk again and maybe work through a few issues. Well one night I get a call before the dinner date, that she wants to reschedule the date because of work, and blah blah blah. It wasn't becuase of work, she was just in a another depressed mood and was in her typical, I want to be alone phase. So I called her up and was very nice, told her not to worry about rescheduling, we could just call it off for good. She admitted to being depressed and in a funk, and when the issue of the money came up and she wanted to drop it off I said, "I don't really care to see you again, just mail it to me". Must of struck a nerve, or maybe it bothered her that I was cutting off the one tie left she had with me, because she pleaded to be able to drop it off. I said, "whatever! you want to drop it off, drop it off. Good luck with the depression thing and being alone, take care". Then I hung up. Well 2 days later she had the money and came over to drop it off. When she handed it to me and thanked me, I made way top open my door and let her back out, yet she wasn't leaving. She asked for a hug, whcih led to you know what, and then she started calling me again. In fact she called me later that night to tell me that I was all she could think about. But then as usual, over the next few weeks, she couldn't keep it together, and it again all fell apart.

 

So the reason she isn't pursuing then money is because it acts as an open invitation for her to contact you at any time. Inside you may want that, but it's really just another way for her to use you, to keep an avenue open to you if she changes her mind or whatever relationship she is in doesn't work out.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

In refer to the previous post, I think your Ex is using you as a rebound.

She is greedy and want all the guys for herself.

Think about it, would you want to live with such a greedy person? I wouldn't.

It is better to cut off all the link. This is because in the future, when there a new person in my life, I would not want to keep in touch with Ex who would hold me back.

 

A clean cut off for the sake of yourself and someone who you will love in the future. Wish for the best!

 

[tman]

Hi EN'ers

 

Jut to keep those following my saga updated....

 

So after a really cool night out with the boys I returned home quite merry (ok drunk) and proceeded (after a drunken battle with my concsience) towards the computer where I drunkedly typed an email to my ex, simply asking if she had received the first email I sent her in regards to getting the money to her plus reiterating what was stated in the first email..all in a nice manner. (As I was typing I thought I may regret it, but seeing as I was in a I dont give a "£$^ attitude, I typed it, clicked the send button and went to bed).

 

 

The next morning as I was reading the reply email from the ex, shocked and wondering why she had sent me an email, while getting flashbacks of my drunken "I dont give a %^&* nc breaking email writing episode" from the night before, I decided to invest in an "anti drunk email writing" Gorrilla which I will position on my desk to restrain me and beat me to a pulp if I ever approch my computer in that state ever again.

 

Actually I was quite happy that I had sent the email as it was something that had been bugging me for a few weeks.

Anyway in her email she just stated that she had received the original email, but by the time she had gotten round to sending a reply it was too late (for what I wondered?????) as she thought I would have spent it by then and thereforeeee she was going to wait till next month (which by the way is now) before asking for the money/sending me the details to get it to her. She then said she would email me later as she was at work...

 

Since then (this was a week ago,... I have been too ashamed to tell you guys i broke nc, especially because I was drunk, however I dont regard it as a true breaking of nc and I have already forgiven myself so its ok ).. any way since then I have again heard nadda...nothing...no details...

 

So I am left thinking ...Whats up with this girl.....I leave it to you guys to decide.

 

She will definitely not be getting any more reminders/contact from me .(at least sober)

By the way if she leaves it too long she wont be getting the cash and it will be added to my xmas/new year champagne fund. 8)

[tman]

so what do you guys think of her actions? or lack of it?

[tman]

Still no feedback from u guys? Come on your input would be much appreciated.

By the way still no contact from the ex.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

It is best that you either send her the money electronicly like through paypal. By this, she did not need to disclose her home address.

 

Or do not bother about giving her back the money, until she chase after you.

 

Stop thinking that she would come back. It has been so long. Move on, you have spend her enough time on her.

 

Organise your life, and make investment on yourself instead of waiting for her.

 

I learn from other poster that their ex could say "I love you" or "I miss you", but I choose not to be with you and not to give what you wanted.

[tman]

Guest, Thanks for the reply

 

To be honest I have already accepted and come to terms with the fact that she may not be coming back, but one can still hope. I am happy with where I am at the moment and am enjoying my life doing my thing etc and am in no way wallowing in pity, pining for her anymore. I still get sad when I think about it, but thats life and something I have learnt to deal with.

 

Its just that to me her behaviour seems strange. Her money is there on the plate as she asked. I have asked for her to sort out details of getting it to her i.e even doing paypal/getting her address would need her to give me details.

 

Why tell me she wants the money, tell me twice she is going to contact me and then don't contact. You can't blame me for wondering whats going on, can you?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I am not blaming you for wondering why she contact you twice for the money.

 

But you have to understand that circumstances changes. She might need the money badly at the begginning as you mentioned that she lost her job. When her finance is stable, she may not want it back.

 

Yes, no one could prevent you from hoping. But be careful with your heart, or she would break it again.

 

Is your term of hoping mean that you would wait her to contact you?

[tman]

My hope is one of reconcilliation, a second chance.

Oh well i know it may never happpen, but thats hope, not something I rely on happening. I no longer NEED her in my life, it would justy be nice to be with her again.

She probably is messing me about with the money business, it just baffles me because i guess

 

1) if she hated me she would have told me to give her her money and f off or... she would have told me to keep the money and f off

2)if she were sincere she would be be straight about the money and tell me to

a ) give it to her in a nice way or to keep it but also in a nice way and b) be dilligent about it not beat about the bush.

 

What she is doing does not fall into these categories. So it leads me to think she is leading me on but why?

 

I really dont need this crap anymore.

[skyjuice]

Hi tman,

 

You could hope for her to come back, but could not rely on that.

 

Tman, you need to love yourself first.

This is an article about circle of love:

link removed

 

Even tough there is possibility of reconcilation, we do need to look at the probability.--how high the chances of achieving what you want?

 

After so long, she has not contact you. By this, NC would not help you much. Contacting her, there might be a chance, but do not get you hope high. Do not talk about relationship and do not smoother her. Talk about something trivial like work and so on. It is like returning back into square one when both of you have not ever been together.

 

However, remember that you could not force someone to love you.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

May be you could read what alphonsefa wrote in this link:

link removed

 

It is quite inspiring.

[tman]

Thanks Guest123etc

 

Now thats really got me thinking....

 

But I disagree on your theory of having to love myself more as it is one thing I have actually been aiming to work on as i am aware it is an important aspect of rebuilding oneself after a break up.

 

However I have PM'ed you further on this.

[tman]

A lil update guys....

She finally contacted...it always happens when you least expect it....BUT

 

Basically I feel the tide is changing. For the first time (in almost a yr) she is beginning to slip and show emotion, and I sensed for the first time that I myself was in control of the situation.

 

Basically Saturday night (after no contact whatsoever since me asking her for her details for the cash) she emailed me first about her life and whats been going on then sent a second email saying she forgot to put the details of her a/c on the first email. So Sunday morning I emailed her back to say I got the details and to give an update of my life and how I am, which she had asked for in her first email. I basically told her how I have doubled my salary, am in a great job and doing really well enjoying my life.

 

Last night i was watching a film but had left my computer online on msn after talking to a friend and for the first time in months she im'ed me. I played it real cool, acting as if she was disturbing me...she was though cos i was really enjoying the film. Anyway after some idle chit chat she started telling me how she is not going to be able to make her parents proud of her, how her biological clock was ticking, just generally being depressed,...in the past she had always given an image that she was extremely happy with her life without me. I just ignored it offered her little sympathy and just kept saying how good i was doing.

 

She then asked about if i was in a relationship to which i told her i do not want to discuss that side of things between us at the moment, to which she just changed the subject.

 

Anyway she then asked about my family and i said they and my friends had missed her. Then (this is what is really funny) she went really really weird on me saying she needed to go and that I was not the only one who had been upset and hurt about the break up....then in mid conversation she said did not want to talk about it. Talk about what? I had not even asked what was wrong. I then asked her and she said I am going, acting real upset, almost fishing for me to ask her what was wrong. But I played it cool and just said bye, with a huge smile on my face. she said ok, speak soon and ended with x. I ignored it and she went offline about 15 mins later

 

what do you guys make of that?

 

And then today while at work i received 2 email jokes from her, the first as part of a group email, and the second just sent to me. In the past 10months she has not contacted me apart from for the money... hmmmm...

[tman]

Also I am wondering if i should keep the line of communication open and acknowledge receipt of her jokes or just keep the nc on my part up.