Though I know it but i just have to say it..its such a wrap!

[esboogie143]

Okay 6th day and nothing still! I have anxiety right now so i'd rather type and vent than to call and be pathetic and stupid!!! He no longer gets online or anything....he really has completely shut me down. I know he is soooooo happy that i stopped calling him and he can be sooo stress free with his chick. Though it shouldnt matter i wonder if he's thinking of me and how horrible he was to me at the end...well I know...NOT!!!!!!! I feel so down and soooo sad and mightr i say pathetic for longing for such a bastard!!! I was sooo tempted to call BUT I DIDNT!!! For what? To look like a total pathetic loser after all that he has done plus knowing that he has a girl...i cant and wont do that to myself...i already dug myself into the dirt!!! I need major advice...i have always been the type that though knowing what the right thing is I still have to hear it or read it! I am just sooo sad!!! This heartache has literally killed me!

[annie24]

Honey - you are doing well! Remember - the real payoff is that NC with him is helping you heal. It's not about him and his new girl having peace. You just focus on you. Come here instead of contacting him. You will see - over time, it will get easier.

 

Have you taken up any new hobbies or volunteering or something?

[DN]

You are strong so you will get through this. Vent on here and not at him and we will help.

[esboogie143]

no i havent...unfortunately I have no energy or desire to do anything! This breakup really tore me apart.... I hate myself for letting this happen to me!

[esboogie143]

Thanks DN sooo much!

[annie24]

Hey - I really really think you should start volunteering at a homeless shelter, or a soup kitchen, or animal shelter or something like that. You seem so drained - I think it is important to "fill yourself up" again spiritually. Do good deeds. Plus, during that time, you can focus on helping other people, rather than fixating on the ex. It isn't doing you any good.

[DN]

Good thinking Annie.

 

You should allow yourself a ten minute 'hate' everyday - maybe twice to start. Just vent to yourself or on here. Then no more thinking of him until the next 'hate'. Keep your mind occupied in between as best you can. Eventually, you won't need the ten minute 'hate' and can move on.

[esboogie143]

Annie24- I absolutely have no time for something like that. In my profession I am busy all the time. When this feeling hits me is when i get home. I have a 6yr old daughter and do not have time for something like that. Thank you for your concern though. I appreciate it!!!

[annie24]

What about reading some spiritual books then, or doing some yoga at home? That book that hostage Ashley Smith was reading seemed to move a lot of people, "The Purpose-Driven Life."

[DN]

I didn't realise you had a 6 year old - that is a job in itself.

[esboogie143]

I do read....but im probably the worst heartbroken situation that you guys ever heard about...right? I have read some heartbreak stories but damn they are no where near being as desperate and needy for someone like I am!! Its just sooo sad! ANd im glad im venting to u guys cuz i was sooo tempted to call like an idiot!

[DN]

Read Lord of the Rings. Twice!

[brando]

ES,

 

you need to stop being so hard on yourself, it is all in the past, if you feel you made mistakes by your actions handling the breakup, it is time to forgive yourself. Keep your thoughts where your body is,(stay in the present moment) Pat yourself on the back for not contacting him. It isnt easy.

 

I beat myself up for sometime, and it killed my self esteem. So please try to stay away from that.

 

All i can say is that you were hurt, it is okay.

 

What i did was start looking at why i felt so hurt, and what i found was much more than losing my wife...this is the beauty of NC, of being on your own, you begin to rediscover yourself. But it takes awareness, and a willingness to take a long hard look at your self.

 

Their is a good book called In the Meantime. The authors last name is Vanzant... it deals with the healing of ones self especially when in between relationships, but despite relationships, it helps with learning to accept ones self, take what you want and leave the rest.

 

Keep doing what your doing, and try not to think about things to much. Put a rubberband on your wrist and snap it everytime you feel like calling or think of him.

 

You are strong enough to get through your pain.

 

Be well,

 

Brando

[annie24]

No calling! Stay here.

 

You know what makes me happy? Vin Diesel movies. Also, When Harry Met Sally. Or, A Night at the Roxbury. that's a great, silly movie. Do stuff that makes you happy.

 

6 days. You are doing sooo well! It will get easier over time...

[esboogie143]

I hope you guys realize that its been 6days of NC by me and its been the longest since the 5 mths we've been broken up!!! We have spoken/emailed one another and maintained being intimate with one another for the 5 months....so for me it feels as if our relationship ended 6 days ago...ya know? If i didnt find out about the chick and see pics he would of stilll been having his cake and eating it too!!! So right now he definitely would not call me cuz he got busted and knows that it was the end for him!!! I shouldnt of allowed or permitted the intimacy to happen nor the contact since we werent together but hey people make the weong choices in life and like me aare sufferring but definitely have learned!

[DN]

I understand - it feels like a raw wound that won't heal. But just like a physical wound you have to bandage it for a while and cover it over so it can heal. If you touch it (by calling him) it can't heal. So don't call him.

[esboogie143]

Thanks Brando sooooo much for ur imput!!!!

 

You all since the beginning of my saga have always been there for me and still remain!!!!! I have much love for all of you!!!!

[annie24]

Awww! I love you too! Don't worry - you will heal one day. Like DN said, if you have a scab, you need to leave it alone to heal. We just want you to feel better. It will come.