Nearly one year and am absolutely fine.....

[Sadboy75]

All - I was on this site when I went through one of the most difficult periods of my life... a relatively big break-up! I was so lonely and lost I seriously did no know how I would go on. I tried to keep in touch with the ex and it absolutely killed me doing so and, in hindsight, it simply prolonged the pain.

 

A year down the track I am now with someone else and have been for 3 months and could not be happier. Its weird cos I never thought I would be happy again... it happens and happens for a reason. Cos you are worth it!

 

I know the feelings of 'oh, I am never going to find someone' or 'how can I possibly get through this day without them.' It was paramount in my breakup but things gradually get better.

 

A few lessons I learnt to get over him/her:

 

1. The 'no contact' rule is a must - you will either learn to get over things quicker or you will simply make them miss you or enable yourself to miss them. It is a fantastic rule. I have not had contact for 4.5 months now. It was only when I finally instigated it (01-Jan-05) that I truly got over things, moved on, and was happy once again. Shortly after I was 'ready' someone literally walked into my life

 

2. Do 'new' things - take up a hobbie you have been longing to do. Book a trip to a place you have wanted to see. Catch up with friends you have not seen for a while. Go to that restaurant you have wanted to go to for months. Try NOT to go to places you both went to together. Even if its the coffee shop or the supermarket - stay away

 

3. Surround yourself with friends - this is the one thing I did and I realised how much I had neglected them and missed them.

 

4. Go to the gym - instill some confidence within yourself

 

5. Go on a shopping spree - dress to impress... will make you feel good about yourself

 

6. Be honest with yourself - if you are feeling down then dont try and hide it all the time. Your friends will be there for you to chat about things with. Get it off your chest! One day they may ask for the favour in return so dont be afraid

 

7. Weekends - this was the hardest part of the week. Lying in bed in the morning and thinking about things that have passed. My advice is to get up first thing as soon as you awake and get your day underway. Try and have things planned for each weekend to keep you busy. However, a bit of quiet time is always good as you need to think on your own. Generally though I would always try and have something to look forward to on the weekend.

 

Anyway, this is how I dealt with things and it finally worked for me. It is a tough period to go through but you will simply become a stronger person when you come out the other end and will be grateful for having gone through it. Sounds odd but its true

 

Remember - the heart never breaks, it just bends a little!

 

Good luck

[Leonie]

Congratulations! It is great to know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Your email is very very inspiring to those who are going through this and also those like me who will potentially be going through it soon.

 

Words of wisdom I won't forget when I need them!

Cheers

Leo

[annie24]

Hi - Congratulations on your new love and your healing. You sound like you did really really great!! I think that what you have written is very true.

 

I think that we sometimes forget to look at breakups as a good thing, because then we have the opportunity to find someone more compatible for us.

 

I am very happy for you! Good luck with your new lady and take care!

 

-Annie

[hockeyboy]

Hi - Congratulations on your new love and your healing. You sound like you did really really great!! I think that what you have written is very true.

 

I think that we sometimes forget to look at breakups as a good thing, because then we have the opportunity to find someone more compatible for us.

 

I am very happy for you! Good luck with your new lady and take care!

 

-Annie

 

im curious why you were convinced i didn't improve the way sadboy has.

 

anyways..sadboy, perhaps you need to change your name because you do not seem so sad anymore. im sure when you created that name you were a wreck. its good to see someone else who has come so far and i can only second everything that you have said. everything you said works...i think the only difficult thing for some people is finding those things to look forward to on the weekends. For me, for a long time i tried so hard to find things to look forward to but could not. This was partially because i had moved and my friends were always to busy or did not want to drive or something. In this case, i went out and made new friends and lots of them.

 

Also...i bet it was easier to do NC when you instigated it, rather then her, right? i think its important that you start NC when your really ready and that you really understand that your doing it for you, not anybody else.

[In_pain]

I'm really glad, that you're doing ok and it has given me hope that I will be ok in the long run too. But I just can't help wondering that when I do find someone new, all I would be able to think about is, if this relationship ends I don't want to be seriously hurt like I am now.

 

I have no hope that another relationship will ever work for me. I don't want it to be a year before I am doing ok, I want to be ok now because the pain isn't getting any better to me its just getting worse, as each day it sinks in even more that I will never be with him.

 

I really am happy for you, I hope everything goes well..

[JT]

Good post. Its been a year for me too, my first love and a long road. I have not had any contact for 1 year and I am so proud of myself. Kind of makes me a believer in bad breakups because you can kind of ensure that you'll never speak to that person again. During the course of 1 year I've transformed who I am as a person. I've lifted weights, garnered new hobbies, made new friends, bouht a new BMW... learned much about myself. I have a great girlfriend I've been going with for 3 months that I love to death. So, there is light at the end of the tunnel.. hang in there.. dont let anything hold you back. Were all a testament to hard work here so keep it up!!