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I can’t tell if my best friend is in love with me


LovesMeLovesMeNot

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My best friend (21 M) and I (21 F) have been best friends since we were 5 years old. I can’t figure out if he likes me too, so please can someone help me out here? I can’t tell if my feelings are warping my perception. Here’s the timeline of important moments that have made me question his feelings for me, from the very beginning.

Age 11: We went to different schools after grade school. His family threw a party and invited all his friends from grade school. I hadn’t seen him in a long time and we spent the entire evening chatting. He basically didn’t spent time with anyone else. That’s when I started catching feelings.
 

Age 13-15: I had a gigantic crush on him but I was too scared to talk to him about it. Eventually I let it sit on the back-burner as we were becoming closer and closer. I thought I’d never have a chance because he was (and still is) insanely popular with all the girls. But I’ve always still thought “if there’s a chance for us in the future, I’ll gladly take it.” 
 

Age 16: I had sort of gotten over my crazy crush on him but I still found him attractive. He would always invite me around. He made fun of me for not having had my first kiss yet, and offered to kiss me- so I could have my first kiss. Which I thought was weird, but I was too embarrassed to do anything about it. He would say to our close friends “She’s so kind and wonderful how come you’re single???”
 

Age 17: He told me I would make a wonderful wife and mother?? At this point I saw him only as a friend so I was pretty weirded out by this. I still found him attractive at times but I just remembered that comment to be so strange to say to your best friend out of the blue. Or anyone for that matter. At this point a lot of people have asked us if we were dating. Which we laughed off and said “Of course not!” We would discuss our crushes and budding relationships with one another. And sometimes I would feel jealous that he was interested in picture perfect girls that I felt I could never be. We would hang out together and were very physically comfortable together and would spoon while watching films. 
 

Age 18: I had my first boyfriend at the time. I was head over heel in love with this boyfriend. My best friend invited him over to a party, to “see if he approves”. He didn’t. He warned me not to date this guy, and that if my boyfriend ever did anything to hurt me, he would go find him and beat him up. I just shrugged it off as “he’s my best friend, it’s nice to be protective.” But none of my other male friends spoke like this to me. He was very cocky at this point and was becoming more and more of a ***boy and was half-jokingly saying “I could get any girl I want!!!” To bring his ego down a notch or two I’d reply “Not me.” And he’d say, “except you” sadly. We always flirted but I think he’s also just a flirty person so I can’t tell if I’m any different to his other friends. 
 

Age 19: We were both in different relationships and at this point we were at maximum friendship. We platonically love each other and aren’t afraid to show it. I didn’t like his girlfriend, but I never told him. I wanted to be supportive. She was so jealous of me that she did not allow him to text any female friends for over 6 months. He was whipped. But I didn’t really care because ours was the kind of friendship that wasn’t awkward even if we hadn’t spoken for a long time. I still platonically loved him. 
 

Age 20-21: This is where things accelerate so I’m just gonna write bullet points.

- He sits me at the head of the table with him at his huge birthday party. 
- People think we’re dating. 
- He broke up with his girlfriend because she was abusive. 
- He drove a long long way to come see me when this was happening because he wanted to be comforted.

- He was so exhausted from the emotions he would fall asleep in bed next to me while I was reading.

- I held him while he cried and cried. It broke my heart.

- When we called, we talked for hours and hours.

- He started seeing someone else. I was still with my second boyfriend. 
 

- His parents sat me down and told me they constantly tell him to date me. His response is apparently “she has a boyfriend.” But I don’t know the context of the conversation. His parents told me I was their dream daughter-in-law. 

- A friend of his who I had just met was talking to us about relationships, and he said “She’s basically my wife.” The friend asked us, “you guys are so close- has there ever been anything between you guys?” This was the first time we were ever confronted about feelings for one another in front of one another. He was so flustered he said “You can’t just ask people questions like that!!!” I decided to be honest and say “Oh I had a huge crush on him when we were like 15.” This was the first time I had admitted it to him, but he changed the subject quickly. And the mutual friend made fun of him for “not giving an answer means YES there have been feelings!!!” 

- We became emotionally so close to one another that I know whenever I need someone, he’ll be there- and whenever he needs someone, he knows I’ll be there. 
 

- He cried when I gave him his birthday present. 
 

- He is always nice and supportive when my self esteem is down and platonically calls me pretty. I usually feel it’s just to make me feel better about myself or he would fish for compliments. 
 

- He asked me seriously, “When did you get so beautiful.” At this point I was so used to joke flirting and not taking anything seriously, I laughed it off and gave a sarcastic comment back. But it was the first time he had ever called beautiful and it really stuck with me for a long time.

Despite all of this, we are still best friends. We support each other no matter what. He still shows me all the girls he is talking to. Or who he is sleeping with. He has never made any moves on me. And he’s generally a rather flirty person who is so nice he compliments everyone. So I really cannot tell if I’m romanticising everything or if he really does feel some way towards me. 
 

And if he did... I wouldn’t know what to do. I wouldn’t want to risk losing our 16 year friendship over a whim. I don’t think either one of us wants to lose each other, for any reason whatsoever. I’ve been feeling so strange about the whole situation as if if I told anyone about this in real life- the universe would stop it from happening. But I still think about it sometimes, and recently... I’ve been thinking about it a lot. He is about to move countries soon, I know we will stay close but I don’t know what to do. 


 

 

 

 


 


 

 

 

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33 minutes ago, LovesMeLovesMeNot said:

we are still best friends. We support each other no matter what.

I wouldn’t want to risk losing our 16 year friendship. He is about to move countries soon,

Excellent. You have a lifelong wonderful friend. Almost like a big brother. Stay in touch via social media while you're apart.

Perhaps a bit of distance will help you clear your head to focus more on a BF as your best friend, since this is at times a bit too close. You also need to realize he's 21 so will want to have as much sex and as many Gfs as possible right now and particularly when he goes away.

 That is why it's important for you to make more close friends and distance yourself a bit from this. No decent guy is going to bother with you when you have this guy running in the background like this.

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Don't risk the Friendship you guys have.  You confide in each other- and crossing that line, will change it all.

Say he just takes you on and things don't work out (as it seems he can be a player . . one girl to another). Then, what will that do to the friendship you two have now?

Big chance if you cross the line, things will be very awkward 😞 

So, maybe you should just accept you two are good friends and STOP putting yourself & emotions in the way.

Accept & be happy with what you've got.

and look at dating those- who are not 'your important friends'.

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