Help[updated]

[Spectral]

I was just recently transferred over to a new area of the department at work. I sit accross from a middle aged woman named "M". I'm 18 as well. This was a few weeks ago by the way. So when I get over there she misses the Monday and the next day she comes to work with a new hair-do. Nothing go say "wow" about, but she had a lot of make-up on, and she wore a skirt with no stockings on. Then she asked me if she was sexy and to play it off and avoid getting in trouble, I just acted like I was sleepy that morning.(And I really was, lol) This lady is married and has kids by the way, supposedly.

 

Eventually her and I start flirtariouslly messing around with each other, her touching me, etc. She would make little jokes, calling me freakboy, and she called me sweetie by "accident". Not such a coincidence if you ask me. She would keep looking over to my desk and gaze, and when someone asked her what she was looking at, she had said my name.

 

Oddly enough, she asked me about was I seeing other women, and that she noticed me with "other girls", basically trying to get an insight if I have a girlfriend or not. So in the latter while, if I talk to another girl, she would sort of "follow" me, and keep looking at her and I talk. Then she would pout and look sad, as if she were jealous.

 

Since M is my team leader(first in assistant to the supervisor) I have to talk to her business wise. Apparrently someone claimed to hear me say something about her in a negative way, she's pissed off now and she won't even look at me, nor talk to me. I told her multiple times i don't know what the hell is going on, but I didn't say anything about her. She keeps getting an attitude, and she had to mention that in the rumor, I said that something about "other girls". Now I know that's not true, because I hardly talk to anyone at all in the department. Now M emails me to ask questions(rememebr we sit right accross from each other), talk business etc. I noticed in her cube is a little printout about how people in the world will always be important in your life to help you succeed.

 

Apparently she has some type of grudge against me. I tried to resolve it, but she acts so immature about it, I don't like talking to her. When someone comes over and mentions my name, she catches a bad vibe and it's like she literally hates me now. When I ask her a question about work, she avoids making eye contact with me, and sounds like she dosen't even want to tell me. It's like her self-esteem just went into the cut.

 

It's not a good feeling to come to work every morning to sit accross someone who hates you due to some stupid rumor that was believed. I've been told not to talk to her, to forget about it, but this is really getting out of hand. She is really pretty and I really do like her, but I'm afraid this is going to go on forever. Please give me some anonymous advice =P.

[aug104evr]

Just come out with it. Tell her you want to be adults about this and talk it out. If she refuses then tell her she needs to put her personal feelings aside and maintain a good working atmosphere. If she's really still acting up after that then mention sexual harassment. Also tell her that since you are young and you two obviously had some flitation going on that people might have just said that to start trouble. You know new guy, liked off the bat, it has to be sexual and not off of you abilities. Everyone looks for someone way to start trouble in that situation. Hope it works out

[sidehop]

Just come out with it. Tell her you want to be adults about this and talk it out. If she refuses then tell her she needs to put her personal feelings aside and maintain a good working atmosphere. If she's really still acting up after that then mention sexual harassment. Also tell her that since you are young and you two obviously had some flitation going on that people might have just said that to start trouble. You know new guy, liked off the bat, it has to be sexual and not off of you abilities. Everyone looks for someone way to start trouble in that situation. Hope it works out

 

I agree. You have to protect yourself whether or not she will talk to you again. Any form of close personal relationship within a company especially in the same group just don't mix. This is just a good example of what can happen.

 

If it escalates & you hear more rumors & feel uncomfortable but she would not talk, bring it to her boss. Rumors will find its course to the truth...

[RandomAdvisor]

Didn't you post about this woman before when she was flirting with you and it made you uncomfortable? Did you tell her she reminded you of your mom, like the board recomended?

[Spectral]

Haha I figured someone would remember that topic I made awhile back. lol

 

Nah, not really. I didn't tell her that, I didn't mind the admiration. It felt nice to have someone like you instead of dissing you. But seriously, she literally hates me now and she gave the most evil look today as I was walking down to my desk it made me tremble...

[RandomAdvisor]

Do you have any idea who started the rumor, or why? I agree with the previous advice: you have to be very blunt with her and try to work things out. If she refuses to be mature about it, then you can go to her supervisor.

 

Why did you say supposedly married? In your first post you said definitely.

[Spectral]

Well it's getting worse. She looks horribly depressed when I seen her today. I asked a co-worker how she looked and he said that to him she looked pissed off.

 

Now ever since that incident I rarely talk to her now, and I don't know if it's me putting a negative vibe on the situation, but I can clearly see how she really feels about me now. And to think I used to make her laugh, smile, joke around and what not. I mean she looks like she's been crying for a long time. It really makes me feel bad, but in the end I choose not to care. I was contemplating on talking to her about this situation, but I dont want to end up in more stuff than I'm already in now. So I've decided to stay low for awhile.

 

So now I just come to work, do my job, and completely ignore her.

 

She has looked at me a few times today, only to turn away in an instant. Methinks that her personal feelings got in the way, because she used to sort of "show off" for me, making all these jokes and whatnot, but I didn't mind it because I didn't want to get in trouble. Nor did I care of that matter.

 

Do you think that's real harsh to do? I mean other people come to my cube and I talk and joke around with them and other people, besides her. I don't want to be mean, but how she's treating is me, is like others said, "real immature and unprofessional".

[RandomAdvisor]

This woman obviously has some issues that go beyond you. Either she's unhappy in her marrige or unhappy with herself, or has some other problem. Then she had her infatuation with you for a while, but now she feels rejected and the feelings from her underlying problem are surfacing.

 

I think laying low for the time being would be a good policy. Wait a week or two and see if she's still really negative. As long as she's not affecting you or your work though, I guess it's not your problem. You could let it go on with her being sad indefinitly, if it's not affecting your job.

 

On the other hand, if she does start to create problems for your job then I guess you'll have to resort to some of the original advice you were given - first talk to her, and if that doesn't work, talk to her boss.

 

Keep us updated.

[Spectral]

Well I talked to her this morning. Apparently I did something that in my eyes, didn't, but I offended her in someway she took as sexual harassment blah blah blah. It was something real petty and not even worth the time, but she did it anyway. So I apologized to her and told her what I did was inappopriate. So she's all like she dosen't come to work for friendships and such, and I understand that. But when I was talked to her, it was like talking to a wall. She just didn't seem to understand what the hell I was saying. Eventually she told me that "I was so disrespectful I just stopped looking at you, talking to you, because I was that much offended". If that was the case, you should've told me instead of keeping it in the whole time! I told her she needs to leave whatever she has against me in the past, but it just didn't go through to her head. So I just said "forget it" and left it at that. It's like she still didn't want to communicate with me at all after the talk, and it's like I failed. But I know I didn't because I felt good gettng those feelings off my chest and despite how she feels, I've already said my part.

[RandomAdvisor]

What was it you did that offended her? I think it'd be nice to hear some other people can give opinions on whether she had a right to be upset or not.

 

This woman is a superviser? Even if you did do something that legitimately upset her, I don't think she handled it well.

 

As far as her saying she doesn't come to work for friendships... based on what you've previously said I think that's bull. She obviously had the hots for you.

[Spectral]

Well what I did was that I playfully blew air in her face. SHe giggled and smiled and few days later BAM you offended me.

 

So I just don't care anymore. Like you said, apparently she was hot and now I believe its because I sort of rejected her, she feels like she dosen't want to be bothered with me anymore.

 

Meh. Women are strange and can't be figured out.

[RandomAdvisor]

You blew air in her face? Kind of like the way people blow air in their lover's ear?

 

You were flirting with her! That was definitly a mistake on your part in hindsight, but she did encourage it. How the hell did that offend her?

[Spectral]

I don't know. I gues she just took it to the extreme I guess...

 

Well it's over with now, I was just feeling false vibes I suppose.

[RandomAdvisor]

Yeah, hopefully this will put an end to it. If the problems continue though, you'll have to go to a superviser.

 

Good luck.