influence on someone

[lost in my own world]

Recently my friend told me that peeple have been saying that if she hangs out with people who are lesbians she will turn into one. i am a lesbian and she hangs out wiht me a lot, i was just wonderin if that is true. if hanging out with someone who is lesbian can make a straight person a lesbian.

[Jetta]

I really think that's the funniest thing I ever heard. Does a gay man turn straight by hanging out with straight men!? Now I've been hanging out with some lesbian women, in fact I have for years. Yet I'm still very much attracted to men. Oh sure I notice if a woman is pretty and all but I have no desire to become intimate with a woman. ROFL Too funny!

[blueangel]

There are 54 genes that suggest sexual identity is not a choice. You can never turn someone into someone else. Sexuality does not change and can not change.

 

what confuses people though are feelings. Now, feelings are something we can choose. We live under the illusion that feelings "happen" to us when really, we are holding the reigns. With this illusion, many live under the idea that they are something they are not.

 

thereforeeee, feelings can be influenced. But nomatter what- it comes down to a choice- whether you want to or not. Homosexuality can attract people simply because it's different and stands out. Some have made it into their own stereotype of what's cool. Some arent but want to be.

 

Especially if your group of friends all are.

[tiger_lilies]

I'm certainly no expert, but I had a group of girls that I hung out with in highschool. One of them became a lesbian shortly after highschool, another one of them claims she is bi-sexual after watching our friend lead a life of a lesbian. And I kind of faded out of their group because I just ended up going on with my own life.

 

I still see them once in a while to catch up. But I definitely notice the different people we have become due to our own life choices.

 

I wouldn't let other people dictate who you are just because you hang out with a lesbian. That's just plain silly!

[igor512]

My best friend in high school was gay, and it never really affected me. I was always confident in my heterosexuality, and being friends with him served more than anything to help me respect his lifestyle. So don't let anyone try to say anything negative about homosexuals to you. They're just afraid of them because they're different.

[someguy69]

First of all, human sexuality is a spectrum ranging from totally heterosexual to completely homosexual. You don't have to be one or the other.

 

While hanging out with people with different sexual preferences may open your mind to new things, it certainly won't change who you are.

 

Just because you experiment with your sexuality doesn't suddenly mean that you deserve a homosexual (or even bisexual) label.

 

A sudden switch just doesn't happen. "Coming out of the closet" is just that -- someone who was hiding their homosexuality and gave up on pretending to be heterosexual when they really weren't.

 

Unfortunately there has been much diametric imposition on human sexuality throughout history that is hard to overcome. People who are not completely heterosexual have become outcasted as homosexual, and as these outcasts banded together and opposed those who outcast them, they in turn promoted full allegiance to their side, making bisexuals outcasts from both sides.

 

Pure heterosexuality and pure homosexuality are a product of society, and one should not be subject to being labeled as "gay", "straight" or "bisexual". We are simply sexual beings.

 

(Of course it would be my personal preference for men to be straight, and women to be bisexual... *grin*)

[melrich]

That is a great response Someguy69. Absolutely spot on.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Sometimes, esp after bad breaks, young women go through experimentation periods, but uhhh no, she won't turn. The most you can hope for is that you both might lap each other's coochies one night when she is drunk, horny, lonely, and curious -- but she will go back to penis afterward and it might even affect your friendship. Homosexuality is genetic. There is a spectrum, but even bisexuals usually have a strong preference.

[lost in my own world]

thanks guys for the comments. i didnt think that just being around someone can change someones sexuality. u guys helped me a lot.

[EmilyE]

Sorry if I am imposing on the situation, but reading your responses really has helped me too. I have always thought of myself as straight, but recently my best friend who is a lesbian has expressed her feelings for me. Well, because there is no one else for me right now, and because I do have strong feelings for her, I thought I'd give it a shot. We've only been "together" a week, but I enjoy it. But, I have been worrying about if I'm gay, or what?? cuz I dont feel gay...I've never looked at another woman the way I do men before her. but, because I already had a friendship w/ her, I am willing.

 

So, you all helped me clear things up...I am lonely, need some compassion, and she is there to give it to me! Girl or not, I am happy for now and it doesnt really matter who is making me happy.

 

I am concerned about what is going to happen in the future, but I guess time will tell!!

 

Thanks everyone!

 

Emily

[someguy69]

I am concerned about what is going to happen in the future, but I guess time will tell!!

 

I don't think you have anything to be concerned about. You have no reason to let yourself be convinced that you must only prefer either the company of men or of women. There is nothing wrong with liking both (especially if you are female).

[EmilyE]

Its not that I'm concerned what is going to happen to me, and my preferences, what I'm concerned about is the future of the relationship I am pursuiting now. I really dont think I can do this for the long run...I think I am just doing it because it is here, and I do have some feelings. But, this is not what I want for my future...I want to end up w/ a guy, get married, have kids, etc.....but I am enjoying this for now. SO, I wonder if it is wrong for me to keep this up or if I should end it now before it gets too deep.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Emily make sure you are honest with this girl that you prefer men or else you are gonna hurt her bad. Also, I'd becareful about her feelings, she might get to close and it might ruin the friendship. I wish you had chosen somebody you weren't friends with to do this with.

[EmilyE]

thanks napoleon for the feedback, BUT its not like I just chose someone to do this with. The thing is, which is also one of my concerns, is that I would honestly not try this w/ anyone else...I have never felt this way w/ another girl before. But, because I am already so close to her, and becauase she is pursuiting, and because I do have some kind of feelings, I decided to give it a try. Yeah, I am afraid that I am going to hurt her, so, I dont know if i should continue it, but, I am being as honest as I can w/ her, and I told her it might not last, but she knows that that is a risk she is willing to take.

 

THanks!

 

Emily

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

We'll if the feelings and attraction is there, and if you feel like what you are recieving is worth the risk, plus you are being honest, I guess she knew what se was getting into (no pun intended)

[Redrider]

Hi Lost,

 

Well I couldn't have said it better than someguy69 and Napoleon Bonaparte. I can offer one other thing that might help. I am a lesbian and have been for a few years (came out to myself at 32). I have been with many more "straight women" than I have been with women that are lesbian. The reason-they would hang out with me. And no they didn't turn into a lesbian because they hung out with me. There are probably as many factors as there were women. But the biggest reason (and this is my own theory, I was never told this by any of them), is because it was safe. I have always been up front about who I am so when I make friends with someone they know right from the get go that I am gay. And as Someguy69 said there is only about 10% pure hete, or homo out here so there is always a curiosity about my life that grows as we get to know each other better. Women tend to be alittle more open with there feelings and interest. And I will also admit that I did kind of crack that door open with a few of these women knowing that it would be easy to walk through that door, but i most cases it caught me off guard. So long story short-these women probably have an thoughts, fantasies about what it would be like and guess what I have a friend that I trust and feel comfortable with. But the true is the ones that stay on the "L" side most likely have always had those feelings they just never had the opportunity or friend to make it real for them. Good luck!

[EmilyE]

Redrider,

 

Very helpful info! Thanks! I have a question for you: if you have read my situation, I am the straight girl on the other side attempting to try something w/ a girl. I believe what u said, in that people who will truly call themselves lesbians have always had those thoughts, and I have never looked at women like this before.

 

So, you say that straight women like me are willing to try it, which is good, but do you think that its a good idea that I am getting into a real relationship here??? because the girl i am with is REALLY into it and has REAL feelings that I'm not sure that I have....do u think its fair??? I told her i would give it a chance, which i am doing, and yeah i do feel something w/ her, but I dont know if it is IT you know???

 

THanks!

 

Emily

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Emily I think you got a pretty good idea of where this relationship is headed already and who is gonna get hurt the worst between the two of you.