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[Downbutnotout]

Ok so we where married for 4 years broke up and got back together 9 months after the divorce. Its now been 2 years and she told me 2 weeks ago we are breaking up. Heres the hitch.

 

We live in the same apartment still. We have a 5 yo son together. Shes started seeing someone else now and I want to be here for my son. The lease is up on the 10th of June. I dont have any family here so i have no one to stay with. Seeing her get ready to go out on a date is tearing me apart, its driving me insane. Should I just tough it out or just get out and so i dont have to deal with the pain. What about my son? I need help my heart is breaking. I am mess, I want her to say she will get back together, I love her so much. My mind is telling me its over but my heart wants her back. HELP!!

[sidhat]

Dear,

 

Its happens to alot of peoples.. Its not her issue that she is leaving you,, its yours that you have to sort things out and the more you communicate with her in a clam down and smily way she will feel more comfortable dealing with issues.. you have to bring spark in your relationship.. you guys really need time for each other .. try to make some vacation plans together and fun having trips .. and keep up that way.. tell her that you love her alot and make her feel special.

 

Convence her to go on counsiling with you..

 

Dont worry things will work out.. Keep smiling and manage your anger.

[Downbutnotout]

I just need to know if i should stay to the end of the month or get out now.

[sisterlynch]

no easy answer here, if you stay, then you need to stand up for yourself, are you capable of doing this? You are letting her have too much control over the relationship, and she doesn't respect you.

 

Have you seen Desperate Housewives? Threre is a similar plot. She has been seeing this guy for 2 weeks, most likely she will see him for another month tops.

 

I think that you should wait it out.

[Downbutnotout]

What do you mean by her having to much control over the relationship and what is the plot on desperate housewives?

 

She taking my son over to meet his daughters today. What is going on. Any advice?

 

And why do you think she is only gonna see this guy for another month tops?

[CarterJonas]

Sorry to hear what you are going through.

 

My advice is for you to move on in your life now. But I would still insist (through the courts if need be) on seeing your son. Whatever you decide don't let her treat you badly as you deserve better.

[Downbutnotout]

ya she said i could see him whenever i wanted to. She told me she wants me to date other people. I asked her why, she said i think it would make you feel better. Im a pretty decent looking guy, never had a problem finding women to date. I have a solid career in the medical field i make decent money. Why would she want me to date other people, the i think it would make you feel better line just doesnt seem quite right. Is this her way of telling me i need to move on?

[socalguy123]

Why did you guys break up 2 weeks ago? You said you guys got back together 9 months before--what happened in the meantime? Is there some kind of behaviors/attitudes that you guys just don't see eye to eye on?

 

I believe in holding on, trust me, I know. But when she's dating other guys, and encourages you to date other girls, and is introducing the child you had together to some other guy and his own kid... Well... It just seems it's time to leave that relationship.

 

If I was in your shoes, I would make arrangements (like someone said earlier, through the court if need be) to be able to see my son, and I would move out. It's one more month, but you have to be calm, and make the right decisions--so focus on making sure you can keep the relationship with your son.

[Downbutnotout]

Little background would help i guess, She was first married when she was 18 and had a daughter, they got divorced after 4 years and she got into an abusive relationship with some guy, so abusive that she feared for her daughters safety and gave custody to ex #1. Along comes ex #2 they have a child together things go sour and she splits from him they where also together for around four years. I started courting her during their breakup and eventually we got together and got married. This child has been through the mill and she is very protective of her to the point where she lets her do pretty much anything she wants. Imagine a 9 yo telling u to shutup and mind your own business. Screaming god dangit and telling my son age 5 to shutup and just be very mean to him at times. When i try to correct this she screams at me to leave her daughter alone and that shes not really doing anything wrong. She believes all people including kids have the same rights, so kids have the same rights as adults you dont get respect till you earn it. Shes atheist im more spiritual. She was very kind and thoughtfull in the beginning but once i started gettin involved in the child rearing of her daughter we started fighting. I eventually started to not get involved in anything and always felt like the outsider. She would always say the kids come first so basically i was number 2. Now dont get me wrong but i believe that the parents should be on the same page and the children are very important but if the families driving force isnt happy what do the children see. So after four years of this we get divorced.

 

Anyway, we got back together 9 months after the divorce was over, we both admitted that we still had feelings for each other. She didnt see anyone during this time, i however did and i ended the relationship with my gf at the time to get back together with the ex. Basically things went fine for about 3 months then it started all over again. Then 2 weeks ago she said I need to talk to you, she told me it wasnt working again and life was to short for her to be unhappy. So here i am with a break up again.

 

My mind is screaming at me to get the heck out, but my heart is with her. Its so hard because i love her and love my son and yes i love her daughters too.

[Downbutnotout]

After reading my own post this situation is hopeless.

[Micwu_25]

I think you should start looking for another apartment and move out when you find one. Judging from her past relationship history I think she has some issues she needs to deal with and I wouldn't be surprised if her new relationship falls apart sometime in the near future.

 

I also think she is telling you to date others so she would feel less guilty. If her inerest in you has sunk that low it is virturally impossible to get back together. If you are extra nice to her you will end up being a doormat or at least put in the "nice guy but..." category. She may come back when her new relationship fails but it would only be a matter of time before she leaves again.

 

It's painful to stand your ground and try to move on now but you will finally be freed when that day of "I can careless about how she feesl about me" comes, and it will come eventurally. Go out and start dating again, you will feel better than staying home gravelling.

 

Good luck.