Damage Control

[IntrepidFox]

OK here it goes, I messed up something serious (or did I)...I have been seeing this girl since January and in hindsight messed up a lot along the way in developing our relationship...When I met her, I swore up and down that I was a rebound relationship for the one she had just gotten out of and was terribly distraught over (although she denies this)...in this sense I tried to handle the situation differently than those in the past, I was there for her say more so than one should be when initially meeting someone...for example we both had absolute access to each other at most times...we work two blocks away from one another and she would always come over till the early morning every night after work. we literally would see each other almost everyday, which was easy to do and we got along great -convo, activities, etc...I was more patient with her due to her state and would do my best to keep a smile on her face-at all costs.

so two things already...one I think I made myself too accessible to her and two I don't think I should have given her as much so soon... nothing too extravagant...going out to lunch, weekly bouquet of flowers-going out to dinner-cooking for her-a trip to nyc, and just recently my heart (how do I know-cuz I haven't slept or eaten since weds...and I have that phantom pain in my chest - aaargh, anyone have a rusty spoon-, etc,...none the less we got along great and she is definitely the type of individual that I want in my life.

here comes the static...she never really conveyed how she felt about me...just what she didn't like, she said she would do things for me and not follow through -personal pet peeve-don't say it, if you aren't going to do it (although we both work in the legal field which means 12 hour days and rarely any weekend time-this may explain why she couldn't do some of the things she said she wanted to do for me)...so a lot of our time together was spent between the hours of 10 pm and 2 am (every night)

so long story short...we became, in my eyes, great friends ...the fact that she would drive out of her way, literally passing her home to get to mine every night, showed me she had some interest in me (for what and to what degree who knows)

anyway, so I would persist in this situation with the faith that if anything was awry - she would let me know...we did have our spats (minor-no raised voices-as aspiring attorneys we cherish the art of argumentation without the yelling-you should have seen us...like a c-span senate hearing ) so...finally we went out one night...our relationship already frayed from a previous matter...to see Alicia Keys of all things (the concert was great-she loved it, I loved that she loved it) then we left, came back to my place...and then it began, we had an argument; now up until this time I had been pretty good about tempering myself (scorpio -yeah yeah I know) but this night, coupled with the fact that I had just dropped half a g on the concert (another story in itself), caused me to erupt...now,1 slammed door, no holes in walls, no hitting, not even raised voices more like the sadist in me (scorpio - yeah yeah I know) came out and before I knew it ... she was crying and I was speeding her home (the driving bothered her too) - now let me add, she has a forked tongue too, and really had said some things previously that I found just down right cold and insulting-but I am not supposed to have feelings right (another one of her issues)...

so here we are in the wake of such unsettle ling craziness...we haven't seen one another since then-communication is well at a low (but this was reduced already due to workloads anyway)-I mean she still takes and returns my calls (which I hold to be a positive sign)-we have talked frequently since the event about it...which consisted of me sincerely apologizing heavily and trying to come to some sort of understanding as to why things went down the way they did...now we both agree that we need a cool off period...but she insists that not only does she not want to see me right now...but she "doesn't want me to do anything for her" (see above) -essentially I have become worthless to her- now what blows me is this... 1st technically this was our 1st fight and last to this magnitude- if I have anything to do about it and 2nd her reaction to it - I know there have been some serious issues with men she has dealt with previously which may add to the fuel of animosity she has for me right now -but, after spending nearly 4 - 5 months together on a daily basis, to seemingly wanting to vacate everything is beyond me. (remember 90% of us is out of this world-I concede that there are some things that need to addressed and I have and will be working on them)

so I guess my questions are...what approach should I take, if any, to A) work things out B) convey to her that what I really feel dominates me not what was said in heated discourse C) should I get her something really nice (i.e. these shoes she showed me in a window once) - despite the fact that she has told me, "don't do a thing for me" ...or should I just sit back and wait to see if she calms down...my initial inclination is to be very proactive in trying to placate the situation with a gift and or other things-but I don't want to come on too strong and/or seem desperate-or really do anything to tip the scales too much. so basically it is a matter of No Contact versus Nurture

ps she has asked for her ps2 back -is it really over?!?!

-sorry about the length and I really do appreciate all of your comments-

[aug104evr]

Sorry but you freaked her out royally. During the entire course of the relationship you are the perfect guy. Holding back because she's on the rebound and you don't want to scare her off. Then when everything builds up you blow up. She has every right to be freaked out. I was with a scorpio for 15 years and I know how you guys can be. I think you need to call her and tell her how sorry you are. Then quit the charade and be yourself. When something bothers you tell her. Don't wait until you have another episode. It sounds like you really care about her, so go after her.

Don't worry about seeming desperate, because that's better than leaving her thinking your an A!!hole.

[brando]

what is with you Scorpios ?????