I think no french kissing means end of passion

[Luciana]

I've had 2 long term relationships. One lasted 20 years, and one is lasting almost 7.

My question is: in both we stopped french kissing with time. Now it's just the short kisses on the lips.

I love to french kiss and to me it's a big sign of passion. Every relationship in the beginning there is a lot of french kissing (the foreplay to sex).

In my second relationship I really miss french kissing again, but my fiance doesn't like it. he moves his head away if I try. I know sometimes we all have bad breath, but sometimes we don't.

So for me it means the passion is gone, and that a confortable love/friendship settles in.

Anybody disagree?

[Beec]

Well, sometimes the fire stops throwing off big flames and just has a good glow to the coals below. However, yes, I notice it with some of my relationships. None have been as long as yours.

 

My girlfriend tends to want to kiss a lot, but with quick pecks on the lips. Sometimes, I just make her kiss me longer.

 

As you might suspect, sometimes I only let her have half of the pecks she wants for a little while, which seems to help me get more of the kind of kisses I want.

[arwen]

Luciana,

 

I remember past topics by you, and somehow I have the feeling that all of them come down to the point that you are in fact NOT satisfied in your relationship.

 

Yes, it CAN be that French kissing eventually stops. Being young and relatively unexperienced (I haven't been married and my longest relationship has lasted for 4 bumpy years), I can just say that yes, for me it meant a (temporarily) end to the relationship, or that we had a problem of some kind that wasn't expressed by him.

 

But Luciana, doesn't it feel awful if he turns his head away if you want to kiss him passionately? You seem to be a woman with a sparky fire inside; don't let a colder person put that out. It doesn't make him a wrong person, it just makes him the wrong person for you. He could be your best friend, but he might not be the one you want in a relationship.

 

If you were totally in the love and comfort zone of the relationship that you write about, I think you wouldn't have a reason somewhere to ask this on the forum.

 

Stay close to who YOU are,

 

Ilse.

[djedix]

It's funny how your with someone the first few weeks you make out like crazy.. as time it slowly fades out, and then it becomes pecks.. Atleast in all my relationship cases now that i think of it.....

 

I wonder what woulda happened if i made every kiss like the first one? maybe the passion wouldn't die.

[RayKay]

I think you *might* not french kiss AS often, but it is still very frequent when you are in love and passionate about one another. My longest relationship was 5 years, and we french kissed frequently, until he unfortunately passed away.

 

In relationships where someone was not feeling as into it, or did not feel the same degree of love for the other, then I noticed that the french kissing was less....my last relationship for example it seemed unless we were going to have sex, we did not make out...of course he had also told me at times he loved me, but was not IN love with me and I was not the "one"....so he did not have that passion. We ended up breaking up (but in end it was for best as I did find someone who does believe I am the one..lol).

 

My current partner and I have not been together very long, but he makes me feel very desired often by "taking me" and giving me long french kisses, I love to do the same to him...it does not have to lead to more all the time, sometimes just making out can be fun, exciting and special too.

 

Personally if someone TURNED AWAY from me when I went to kiss them I would feel TERRIBLY hurt. I don't care if I have morning breath, as he would too, and I would feel hurt if he turned me away. The "comfort zone" does not mean "the end of passion zone".

 

As I posted in the marriage proposal thread, I really am not sure this is the man for you - you may love him and he may love you - but I do think you are settling for less than you want in a relationship - he may be a decent, honest, faithful person - but I don't believe that you two are in love with one another, not are you truly compatible with one another. It won't get better once you get married, I am sorry to say.

[Beec]

As I posted in the marriage proposal thread, I really am not sure this is the man for you - you may love him and he may love you - but I do think you are settling for less than you want in a relationship - he may be a decent, honest, faithful person - but I don't believe that you two are in love with one another, not are you truly compatible with one another. It won't get better once you get married, I am sorry to say.

 

I am not sure I'd agree with this, but I do think he has emotional issues. He is probably afraid of letting you know how he feels, because the idea of doing that makes him feel too vulnerable. And I think his emotional issues are bringing you down Luciana.

[Day_Walker]

As with anything else I believe that that there are certain things that are indicators of a loss of interest. It seems to me that your situation has become more of a convience than a relationship. Obviously things arent going to be as exciting as it was in the beginning but such a dramatic decline says something about the nature of the relationship.

[caramellabacix]

this is probably a really bad example (actually, i know it is, but its all that i can offer) but i remember an episode of "'til death do us part" with carmen electra and her fiance... whatever his name is. in it he told the camera that "they dont makeout anymore because he thinks its kind of weird to makeout with your wife." he then went on to say that instead they peck-kiss practically every other second. maybe your boyfriend/fiance feels the same way?

[ReadyorNot]

My bf and I french kissed alot in the beginning... now its mostly just the little kisses on the lips (but lots of them).. if we are going to have sex then we still french kiss a bit....

 

My bf admitted on day that he doesnt really like french kissing... but he certainly would never, and has never turned his face away... I would die if he did that....

 

Seems kinda weird to me that he would turn his face away.....

[Luciana]

Seems kinda weird to me that he would turn his face away.....

 

Yes, it pisses me off. But then again my fiance is the most complex man I've met. He is very different from most men I have known or dated. What drives him is making money, competition, fame...not sex. He has little interest in sex.

[arwen]

I don't know what else to advise you, Luciana. If he's so 'Nordic', and you can generalize about him in bed in such a (even racist) way, why are you with this man to begin with?

 

I have had my share of Latin 'lovers' (when I lived in Italy), and being a Northern girl myself with quite a drive, I have experienced that both the Italian men and Dutch men can be very passionate in the bedroom. Or not.

 

It depends on the sexual compatibility you have with the person. An Italian can fall asleep after 5 mins and a Dutch man can wake you up in the middle of the night for another session

 

As far as I can see in your situation, the two of you are not compatible for a relationship this way. You can come here and vent, which is ok and what we are here for as well. I am curious and I will ask you the same thing I asked in one of the other topics about this man:

 

WHY are you with him? What makes you want to MARRY him?

 

I could be terribly in the wrong here, but I sometimes have the impression that you are engaged merely for the sake of getting married.

 

Ilse.

[OceanEyes]

I don't think that things can stay as passionate as they were between two people, for years after. The love you feel for someone when you first hook up is generally lust, which sometimes doesn't grow into a long-lasting love.

 

I've been with my man for 2 years, and we don't french kiss nearly as often as we used to, but I think that comes with being very comfortable with a person. It's not necessarily a bad thing, as long as there is still desire from both sides.

[RayKay]

Bravo ilse!

 

Everything I have tried to say before as well to Luciana, but far more direct and precise than I had gone about it

 

Luciana, there is a lot in the above post that I really think you should think more about...ilse's comment on how it is about the sexual compatibility of the person is DEAD on. I have been with men of different backgrounds as well, and I can also echo ilse's experiences, that it is not a matter of background but sexual compatibility (I have had experience with Latin, English, Quebecois, etc....my current partner is HOT in the bedroom, and he is of Ukrainiain-Canadian background). And I would even venture to add onto that it is also very deeply tied into emotional compatibility, communication, and how you connect with that person on many levels.

 

I fear too you are not getting married for the right reasons, and like I have said before I am still not sure WHY you are...I know you must love him, but it does not seem as if you are genuinely happy with him, or the relationship. And it is not just sex (though for me, not kissing and no oral would be enough to show him the door...lol) but it seems you just have different goals in your relationship, want different levels of freedom, you are not happy with the level of romance at times and fact he does not say he loves you, and sometimes I think you even think you are better than him due to your appearance and education - maybe you don't mean to express that, but I do get that impression sometimes - and I can say that it is never positive to think we are better than our partners...that is not love.

 

Again.....don't marry the man you can live with, marry the man you can't live without.

[Mun]

This kissing issue is just another one to add on that list of things to bring up in therapy.

 

Luciana, I wish you the best. You obviously want this man and I hope that things work out for you and you are happy one day with him.

 

I would tell you Never settle[/b], but I think I've shared enough of my suggestions already on your numerous topics about him.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Adios!

[Mun]

I would like to remind everyone to be mindful of posting comments that although they may be generally held beliefs about a certain ethnic group or groups, they are still offensive--and let's please stay on topic.

 

Thank you

Mun

[PB]

Maybe I'm just weird, but french kissing (especially the real aggressive type) sort of turns me off sometimes.

 

I just had a discussion with my ex about this the other day. We had a very good physical relationship, but sometimes she would "go for the tonsils" and it would cause me to not enjoy it as much. I never told her that it bothered me until after we broke up, because I figured it would hurt her feelings.

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I like soft, open-mouth, play with each other's tongues, kind of kissing, but I can mostly pass on the tonsil-scraping.

 

So, at least in my case, I don't think this had anything to do with the level of passion in the relationship.