I'm back.....

[beckkkk]

I wrote in a few weeks ago. To make a long story short...husband travels overseas..I had suspicions...looked for receipts for checkbook and found 2 women's contact info...found emails(he claims they were not his but a coworkers...but still not buying it..were VERY personal, spoke of kissing, missing her, etc). Just so happens his coworker has same first name..convenient huh?

 

He still denies the emails. He has no reason for having the women's info other than 1 is a work contact and the other he admits was someone he met on his 1st trip(a waitress) and was just very nice. He DOES however admit to calling and asking her(waitress) out for dinner/drinks and says his coworker went along with him....has never said if it happened once or several times(several receipts...at least 3 were from a bar/grill that I know were not a "business" meal so I think it was probably more than once). He still to this day says he didn't think anything of it...he was just inviting a "friend" out to dinner. I disagree cause if he had to hide it from me then he felt guilty(yes he denied it when I found the info and I confronted him). My problem is I can't get past this. He has lied to me in the past about other things so how do I believe anything he says?

 

OK now question.....MEN...is it really ever okay to invite a woman out for dinner/drinks and it honestly be "nothing"? And WOMEN....give me your opinion on it all.

 

RD

[MetallicAguy]

It be nothing? Well it could be for like a one-night stand, or he had a threesome with those 2 girls after the meal if he gets down like that lol, ummm it can't really be "nothing". He's full of it, why not divorce, he treats you like **** obviously.

[BillyJean714]

A woman's intuition is stronger than you think. You read what was in the e-mail. There's no denying the fact that he's guilty. He's stumbling all over the place! Who the heck writes about kissing, and then claims that it's a co-workers e-mail to another female. I don't buy it one bit. Not only that, about the waitress, I doubt that it was just for a platonic friendship. If it was, then why would he have to hide this all behind your back until you find out?

 

Keep one quote in mind: "If you wouldn't do it in front of my face, then why do it behind my back?" Ask him that. This is all about being open and honest. If he can't be open/honest, then he's not being the ultimate soul companion that he originally intended to be when he stated your marriage vows. I agree with the above poster. If he does this again, then consider divorcing him. No healthy marriage is based on lies and deception.

[guy40az]

Well from my stand point I never would think it was ok to invite a female friend to lunch or dinner or out for any thing for that matter it is just improper behavior.

 

When I was married I would have never went out with a female friend alone it would have been to strange and I wouldn't have felt right about it. So I would have to say no it's never acceptable.

 

I would have to agree with the women's intuition thing too it's the same with a guys gut feeling if you think something is going on you are going to be right most of the time. When your spouse starts to lie to you then that is more proof then you need that is a sure sign that something is going on.

 

You ask how do you believe anything he says? You cant you will have to start assuming everything he tells you is a lie. I know just how you feel I was in your situation 18 months ago when I caught my wife cheating on me she told me so many lies that I couldn't believe anything. But I was able to tell when she was lying to me and you can probably use the same thing I did to tell when a cheating spouse is lying to you.

 

Her mouth was moving.

 

If I were you I would divorce the cheater as soon as you could.

[sweetieyen]

in my opinion, it's not just 'nothing'. there's something fishy goin' on. have to say this but it seems like you have to gather all strength and let go of this guy. not that easy since you're married but i think it's even harder to live with a liar (as you've said, he has been lying to you in the past and then, now). some people take other people for granted b/c they know that no matter what they do, the other people will still be there. they're very insensitive.

[BillyJean714]

I read your previous post, and one thing that caught my attention was the fact that he says, "we both share the same e-mail account, because it's work." Well then! If it's work, then why is the guy even sending intimate messages to a woman using the e-mail account? Isn't it unprofessional? It's obvious that he's lying. It's so convenient for him to say that they both 'share' the account. He's full of it!

 

From the last time that you posted here on enotalone, in your last message, do you think that things have changed? I know I can't tell you to divorce, because it's not that easy, but ask yourself if things have changed. It hasn't right? Can you imagine yourself living this way forever? Isn't it torture? I guess the only thing that you can do now is to figure out what you want and don't want anymore. If it's a divorce, then make sure that you have something to fall back on. In the end, only you know deep in your heart what's best. Whatever you decide to do, take care & best of luck.

[nikki19]

Oh he's a dog gf. A faithful married man does not ask a waitress out for drinks because she's a "very nice person". I waitressed for awhile and believe me there were more than a few travelling married business men who wanted to be my "friend". He was trolling. I'm sorry if this hurts you to hear but I suspect you know this in your heart already.

I too read your original post and you're understandably going crazy thinking about this.

It's not my place to tell you to leave your husband, only you can decide that. The facts are these: He's lied to you, then he's lied to cover up the lies, and when confronted he's making excuses. His attitude about it all being no big deal is an attempt to make you feel like your over-reacting. Don't let him!

It would be one thing if he came to you remorsefully, fessed up and agreed to get help to save the marriage. His tactics are to deny deny deny. If he's not being straight with you, he doesn't have any intention to change.