Frustrated

[Sterling_dawn]

I've been in a fantastic relationship going on 6 months. He and I are completely compatable and totally in love with one another. We are very open with one another and communicate our feelings and desires. While we are both dealing with a great amount of stress and time restraints, we still find time each and everyday to see one another, even if just for a few moments. Here in lies the problem. He is unhappy living here. He moved her a few years ago for a second chance with is ex fiancee, that time has since come and gone. We were an accident of meetings, neither of us looking for something this serious. He is ready to go back home, and few states from our current local. As much as he wants me to go with him, he has doubts. His ex fiancee picked up her life and moved states away to be with him once before. She transfered school, and eventually they were engaged. They hurt each other a great deal when they split. They too were very much in love, but her unhappiness of moving to be with him brought on too much resentment and bitterness. After they split, he wanted another shot, so he moved here, where she was. That time came and things did not work out for them. So again, the wounds opened and bleed all over again.

 

Now, here we are, in a similar situation, and he is scared to death of being hurt that way again. He and his ex fiancee were a long distance relationship for about a year, so they really did not have much time to adjust to one another being in one anothers everyday lives. He and I, however, know what it is like to spend virtually everyday together. When school and work don't compound our time, we spend the night at one anothers home, cook each other dinner, help one another clean up, play with each others animals, and just spend QUALITY time together. Except for the past few weeks - again too much going on - the only time we aren't together - spare time we spend with our own friends (don't want to neglect anyone!!! ) - is when we are at our designated places in the day. I can't say I have ever been happier.

 

I want to try going to his home and live there. I am not the type of person to hold resentment and bitterness against someone for a decision I have made. If I don't like his home, I can always come home, and atleast I will know we gave it a shot. He can't decide if he is willing to put his heart out on the line again. I can see him withdrawling, especially as the time for a decision to be made is nearing. He has told me that he loves me, and he shows that, but as each week continues to go by, he says it less. He still shows it in other ways, but I miss the verbal ques.

 

I am not ready to give up on us yet, and I have spoken to him about all of this - a week ago. i don't want to pressure him in any way in this decision. I am tryin got not worry, and give him the space he needs, but I don't know when a good time will be to bring it up again. For my own sanity, I need some answers. I don't know what to do at this point. Its like we are both ignoring the big white elephant sitting on our laps! I've been dealing with this for about 4 weeks now, and I just can't keep staying quiet about it. I've given him my heart, i took a chance - I had thought he had too, but maybe I was wrong...

 

Any ideas? Suggestions as to what I should do, what I should think? *sigh*

[cleverme123]

Probably not what you want to hear but he was never over his first love. He jumped into a relationship that kinda picked up where he left off. The reasons he is having doubts is because of what happened but also because he is questioning his true feelings for you. I would tell him striaght up you are willing to move but if you don't have a commitment from him that is solid than there is not a point in you moving. He is having doubts and you need to address that with him.

[_Ramirez_]

A choice of that magnitude is never easy to take and that shows how much he care for you. He does not want to lose you or to hurt you and he does not want to be hurt again. That doesn't mean he is not over his ex.

 

Take it from another guy who had to make difficult decisions like that in the past, decisions that not only impact himself but all his loved ones, give him the time he needs and just keep reassuring him of your love for him. He will come to term with his decision in time and he must do it alone. As much as you love him and want to support him it is something he must decide by himself and all you can do is wait for him to make a choice.

 

Discuss it with him when he wants to, make sure to be there when that happens, make some ques that you are always open to hear how he feels about it and share your worries with him from time to time.

 

Also, don't think too much about him withdrawing a little, that's what some men do when they are worried, they tend to forget the others around them and the little extra's that a woman will remark immediately when they are missing.