aahhhh help!!!!! I broke the LDR off

[QTpie87]

OK well as some of you already know, I've been in a LDR for a while. well last night I broke up with him, and it was a really hard thing to do. The thing is that we are both really young Im 17 and he's 18. He lives really really far away from me and it would be like 2 years before he says he could be down here. He says he has to finish college there frist because people aren't allowed to transfer colleges, and That's totally bogus. I talked to my mom yesterday and she said you can transfer with your credits and all anytime you want. anyways He is really hurt over this, and I would have to say I am too, just not as much (YET) i've like totally built this huge burrier around any and all of my feelings for him not letting them out, thus this whole thing really hasn't sunck in yet. I don't want him to know that I think I made a mistake because Im afraid it will go back to never seeing eachother yet holding on to the relationship. HE is really upset over this and I didnt' want to hurt him like that, but it's hurting me waiting for this long and Not even knowing if it will for sure work or not.HE begged me not to do it last night, but he knows why I did it and He knows how to change it, am I expecting too much. should I just let my self finish letting go, or keep holding on, cause he doesn't seem like he's gonna be letting go anytime soon.THis sucks. I couldn't sleep at all last night, I kept having really bad dreams that I made a huge mistake over this. IDK what to do, please someone help.

[DN]

Are you sure your mother is right about transferring colleges?

 

The other thing to bear in mind is the reputation of the college in the field he is studying. The local college where I live is a leading educator in things like graphic art, cartooning, animation etc. To get a diploma from there means more than a diploma from another college with a lesser reputation. In fact some companies, such Disney, hire people from there before they have even finished their diploma.

 

So make sure that his reasons are in fact really bogus - he may be right, or at least have a very valid reason to leave where he is.

[QTpie87]

No sadly he really could leave. It's just a normal community college he's going to and the college down here that I am going to has a great thing going for everyone attending. It has job placement and not only deploma's but they certify you for just about what ever you are going for.

or you can just do the normal deploma. HE says he loves me and wants to be with me yet he expects me to wait around for 2 years. that's a aweful lot of dating time tied down to one person that isn't even here.

[Darknova12]

do you really love the guy? if you do then you may want to wait otherwise your right, 2 years is a little long to wait. it all comes down to how u feel.

[DN]

HE says he loves me and wants to be with me yet he expects me to wait around for 2 years. that's a aweful lot of dating time tied down to one person that isn't even here.

 

True, and if you don't love him enough to wait, then you should not.

[QTpie87]

that's the thing, Im confused. I do love him, but he evidently doesn't love me or he would be here right? I mean it's ok for me to have to wait that long and get hurt. he doesn't seem to care about how I feel about it, just as long as I don't leave. He knows how to get me back, he knows what he has to do, and why I dumped him, so If he wanted to be with me that bad would he do it. I don't want to be with someone who won't try their hardest to stay with me. I've always tried to hard in past relationships and gotten hurt ,Im done I want someone who loves me enough to try.

is that asking too much. am I selfesh, or just young and stupid.

[DN]

that's the thing, Im confused. I do love him, but he evidently doesn't love me or he would be here right? I mean it's ok for me to have to wait that long and get hurt. he doesn't seem to care about how I feel about it, just as long as I don't leave. He knows how to get me back, he knows what he has to do, and why I dumped him, so If he wanted to be with me that bad would he do it. I don't want to be with someone who won't try their hardest to stay with me. I've always tried to hard in past relationships and gotten hurt ,Im done I want someone who loves me enough to try.

is that asking too much. am I selfesh, or just young and stupid.

 

I am not sure he does not love you - it is a big thing for someone to leave a college they are comfortable in and he may be worried he will not fit in and his grades slip.

 

I advise being very careful what you are giving up.

[Iceman26]

What about money? Where would he live? Would you move in with him?

[QTpie87]

yeah I would move in with him if he wanted me too. If he didn't want me to Id be going to a dorm room this fall.

[whatfor]

QTpie i replied to his thread. You two havent even met in person, maybe you would not even click. Maybe you should plan meeting each other for a couple of days or a holiday to see if that love and attraction is there at all and go from there

good luck

[tabytha]

I just have one thing to add.

 

You say "fi he truly loves me he'd move to be with me."

 

I say by that standard if you truly love him you'd move to be with him.

 

Neither of you are budging, maybe there's a reason.

 

My ex best friend and my brother went through the same thing (I'm grateful they were stubborn because i love them both but they were shocking as a couple, co-dependent and hurtful to one another, made me wanna slap them both). She was in university studying 'forensic science" in the same state we'd gone to highschool, and he and my family relocated to another state, where my brother begain studying music production and development (our little idiot savant =o) )

 

They did the LDR 'I Love you, I hate you, lets work it out, you live with me, no your live with me" and on and on. Both claiming if the other loved them enough they'd move. In this case, they're a bad match, (great people, BAD combination) so I'm glad they eventually called it quits, (I have doubts, their little messed up cycles been repeating for going on 7 years now!)

 

But you gotta ask yourself, why should he sacrifice if you won't. And if you won't sacrifice, then there's a reason.

[Kaia]

I think in this case, the bottom line is that if you won't be able to see him frequently (i.e., if he doesn't move)... which is what's happening here, then you want to try dating other people. So breaking up is the right decision for you.

[Helpme86]

Not that I have to think I have to defend myself, but nothing you are about to read is a forced responce. They are my true own words that I wrote willingly. And no, this is not directed at you Kayla.

Its easy for some one to come here and post, just break up with him, leave him you are not right together, it wolnt work. Whats not easy is actually being the two doing that. She lost sleep, I have not eaten for over 24 hours. I'd say thats a fair trade off. I took her advise and went out with friends, we went to two malls and drove all over the place. It seems like my relationship luck all depends on my friends. One of my best friends just got a g/f last night and I had to drive them home today and they were all over each other. Nice huh... I was so depressed earlier today, now, not so. I thought it over and I said I need to give her space and let us think about it, alone. Believe it or not, I want what is going to be best for her. I care and now understand, wel maybe not fully. I was being selfish the other night and thats wrong. I plan, rather I am, taking a trip to visit her over the summer. I have signed up for classes over the summer and have about a month of summer vacation total before school starts up again, so I'm hoping the road trip is worth my while. If its not, so be it. I have school four days a week over the summer for about 4 hours a day. If I'm still at my job I will be working close to full time each week to save money for whatever. I think it was Dixie state college that Kayla wanted me to go to, if I stayed on campus it will cost about $10,200 a year. Right now I pay around $4,000-5,000 a year. My brother is going away to college and it is costing around $16,000 a year(thats with aid). We just don't have that kind of money to be paying $26,000+ a year for school. Yes, I could get a grant through Dixie, but they are no longer accepting requests, that ended March 1st(if I understand that). Since I will be out of state, my request will be lower on the list than some one in state anyways. Well now I'm just rambling so I'll stop it here. I hope the others get the idea.

[whatfor]

you go man

 

yes some people just suggest breaking up.. but i said you have to work things out if there is LOVE and of course if both of you are willing to deal with distance to be together in your life later. Your gf doesnt sound sure though, she sounds like she wants to date other people. (i think it was said somewhere by her). Well i keep an eye on your story because i am also in an LDR and we also started on the net. And its been over 3 years now. Our situation is very hard, but there is love, thats why we keep trying. I love and i CANT say that i would like to go dating other men to experience more while or instead waiting. Imagining being with other men makes me sick, thats cause i LOVE.

Sure go visit her in summer, to plan more you need to meet face to face.

Good luck.

[lady00]

I think that it's a big thing asking him to uproot his entire life and move. He's going to college...maybe he likes it there and doesn't want to go to another school. There could be a ton of reasons not having to do with you that make him want to stay there. I think, especially at this point in life you both should be focusing on your own personal long-term goals, even if it means focusing on them and not focusing on trying to be together. In the end, that will be more important for both of you. You shouldnt' have to move just to be with someone, especially at such a young age. Just my 2 cents.

[Helpme86]

Just talked to her, its not going to happen. In fact she does not want to talk to me ever again. She doing NC, I just can't take it.

[whatfor]

Oh man im sorry.

 

Girl, dont be so hard on him. At least talk things through and over. Its the most horrible thing when someone you have feelings for is ignoring you. Be mature enough with each other to talk about things and come to a desicion together wether its to be friends, couple or not to talk ever again.

[QTpie87]

wow there. hold up. Im not trying to be rude but I wasn't hard on him. I wasn't hard on him at all, rrrrrr he makes me so mad, I told him we could continue talking and being friends right. well so we did, just about an hour ago in the matter of fact, and I told him that if that's going to work that he can't guilt trip me the whole time and throw things up in my face. but he did it anyway, he made me feel like the worst person on earth. I told him sorry for being selfish and I didn't expect him to move, but Im young and want to date other people. He wouldnt' have it so I told him I wanted to do NC. I don't want to spend hours a night talkign to him to be put down. I'm already depressed enough, I dont' need more reasons to feel like I'm a bad person and want to kill myself on top of the rest of my problems. I'm sorry cor but YOu're being selfesh too.

[avman]

This discussion now locked. Please see my other note on taking this discussion private.