do i write a letter?

[bungalowone]

i have been struggling with how to deal with my breakup. we broke up on april 21st and i havent talked to him since i walked out...he broke up with me out of the blue. he hasnt tried to email or call...i've deleted instant messenger and msn, so that's not an option.

 

i have so much anxiety over this, i dont know what to do...i can barely make it through my days without being completely overcome by hopelessness or sadness or everything...

 

does he not care about me enough after three years to try and talk to me...we were planning our future together and he will be graduating college soon and we were going to move somewhere together...

 

this whole thing is a shock to me...his reasons...he doesnt think he feels the same anymore...doesnt think we should be together...really he didnt say a whole lot....he just mainly reacted to questions i asked...

 

everybody says no contact, but what if im just letting it slip away...what if he's just confused about the future and everything with graduation coming up...i'm telling you, he did and said everything right and wonderful up until the very moment we broke up...

 

should i write a letter to get all my feelings out and let him know what the relationship meant to me...i feel like our relationship is so much more than how it ended...it wasnt even a long conversation...i just got too upset and left...he knows im upset...since i can be extra sensitive about things...

 

and does it mean he doesn't care since he hasnt tried to contact me...even though im not sure i would answer

 

i just am conflicted...do i just keep doing no contact or will sending him a letter get it off my chest...i guess i would hope for a reply, but im also not even sure he would read it, so as not to be "influenced" by anything i would say....just so he could deal with it...

 

i just dont know what to do...i feel everything slipping away...everything in the relationship was so special...and now no contact at all....i just dont know what direction to go in. the letter really wouldnt be angry, im not sure what it would be...

 

we've broken up before, and he came back after a month...but that was almost a year and a half ago...how do i get over this?

 

i'll stop before i ramble more...

[sara-pezzini]

First of all,I am so sorry for what you are going through!!!!!my advice to you is to at least write the letter,put everything you feel on paper and everything you want to say to him...that is a great way to vent...and then you can keep the letter a few days aside,read it again,see if you still feel the same or that you want to add something and then see if you still want to send it to him....You can always write the letter without sending it..then the writing gets easier,if you know what I mean?I did that once too,just write down everything,thinking I would not send it...it's a great relief..and then after a few days I decided to send it,and I did...I wish you much strength with all this!!!!

[bungalowone]

are u glad you wrote the letter and sent it? did he reply?

[Wimpy]

Bungalowone

 

Let me just tell you what I did - if you wanna know the details of my situation read my earlier posts...

 

I spent nearly 3 weeks writing, re-writing him a letter. It was only when I could write it from my heart and without anger or vindictiveness that I sent it. I basically reminded him of some of the things he'd said to me, what I'd said to him and how much he'd hurt me by how he'd acted.

 

I was glad I sent it as I needed to let him know how badly he'd hurt me and how I never believed he would do it.

 

However it will be 2 weeks on Thursday since I e-mailed it to him (he's in a different country now) and I've NOT HEARD A WORD.

 

I'm still glad I sent it but I'm even more hurt that knowing how badly he hurt me he's done nothing to try and make things right.

 

My advice...don't send it until you can deal with the fact that you might hear nothing from him.

 

I'm glad I didn't ask him to change his mind or say anything about wanting him back. I didn't either tell him never to contact me again. I simply told him how his actions had affected me and how I hoped one day he'd realise that the way he ended things was inexcusable. Obviously he doesn't agree

[sara-pezzini]

Yes I am glad that I wrote the letter,the situation was completely different but for me it was the closure that I needed!!!!but of course if you have doubts over his reaction,then you shouldn't...it can end up hurting you much more if he doesn't react...but my opinion is that you just don't throw away three years without an explanation,you deserve that...but that's my opinion

[bungalowone]

i mean i guess he gave an explanation, but one im having trouble accepting...just because of how he acted and what he said up until the very moment he broke up with me...

 

i just dont know how you can decide to wake up one day and break it off...

 

im just so confused and not sure if a letter will be what i need to do...or if it would just push him away more...dont get me wrong, i do want him back...but that wouldnt be what the letter was...

[sara-pezzini]

then still my advice would be to think about it a few days,write the letter and get it all of your chest and then decide if you send it or not.....it can't hurt to write the letter...you DON'T have to send it...but by putting it all on paper will help you deal with it!!!

[Hope75]

First let me say I am sorry you are going through this! It's so hard to see the end of a relationship as long as yours was, and to be dumped out of the blue when you never saw it coming is even worse!

 

I think that even though your ex sort of gave you a reason why he wanted to end the relationship, it was pretty short and minimal and after 3 years together you feel as though you need more to gain closure from him.

 

If you want to write a letter I def. think you should at least write the letter to clear your head and get your feelings out. Before you send it, you need to think carefully about exactly what you expect from sending it.

 

I see another poster here sent a letter and got no response. I have been in the past a recipient of such a letter and I also gave no response, (I had clearly stated why I wanted to end the relationship, which itself was very short, just over a month). What I am trying to say is that if you are sending it expecting to get a response from him, whether it be just an acknowledgement that he got it, or something more extreme like taking you back, don't send the letter.

 

If the reason you want to send it is just to make your feelings known, say what you felt you couldn't at the time just so he knows, gain closure for you, and you don't expect anything in return, not even acknowedgement that he got it, then go ahead and send it.

 

If you send it with expectations of what he will do in response you are setting yourself up for further pain, and after all you've been through, why do that to yourself?

[alonegirl]

This is a question I find myself asking all the time. My ex boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me out of the blue one day. I have not spoken to him since and that was 5 weeks ago. He has not tried to contact me in any way, which just amazes me. It feels like he just doesn't care anymore. He also told me that he didn't feel the same way about me. Our situations sound very similar, however I found out the real reason he broke up with me was because he hat met another girl at work that he is now with.

 

I feel and felt when we first broke up like writing him a letter letting him know I how I felt. It wasn't going to be a angry letter just a letter to express how I feel eventhough I should be angry I am not there yet. I too as though everything is slipping away and I am not doing enough. I wrote the letter and debated on wether or not to send it for days, I finally came to the conclusion that I expected or hoped something would happen if I sent the letter. I was afraid that he would not respond at all and then I would be back to square one. So as long as you don't expect anything from this letter than send it, but if you are hoping it will do something I'd think about it.