Something about family dynamics - I feel guilty for existing

[catfeeder]

I just feel sick, because I talked to my brother.

 

All I can think about right NOW is all the things that I said wrong to him, and all the ways that he likely hates me.

 

Skip reading tea leaves. Why not just pause the mental chatter, pick up the phone and say to brother, "I've been thinking about our conversation and want to ask you, "Have I said any wrong things to you that hurt your feelings?"

 

Then be quiet and listen to brother. If he says no, believe him. If he identifies anything, then stay quiet and let him finish explaining why he views it as he does.

 

Do not interrupt to defend anything. Just listen until he's completely finished talking. This will allow him to feel 'heard' and that's the most important thing you can do for a person.

 

When brother is done talking. Do not defend 'what you meant'. Just say, "I didn't think of that. I'm really sorry."

 

That's all you ever really need to say to anyone who has misunderstood you. It shows that your intentions were different than what was heard, and it apologizes for the miscommunication.

 

Check, and Done.

 

(((HUG)))

[Chai]

It gets worse, apparently. How could it possibly get ANY worse?

No matter what happens, no matter how bad things get, I just can't reach out.

I will send emails and WRITE words, but actually picking up the phone and reaching out to someone? No!

It is as though I don't even realise it is an OPTION.

Maybe my mother wanted to make damn sure there was no one else in my life but her. Maybe that is what is going on here. I am not sure.

My brother, Dibble is so much more SOCIAL, but he suffers in other ways. :-(