Is a BREAK from the relationship good?

[mrkrinkle2]

Ok, here it goes

 

I have been dating this girl now for almost 7 months. I knew her before as an accuance for like 2 years. She had no idea I liked her for the longest time(mostly cause she was always taken) and I love being with her. Things have been rocky here and there, but the best thing is we have fun where ever we go. She wants crazy reaurance of are we good together and why are we good together? I tell her cause we have fun where ever we go or what ever we do. and I love your companionship.

 

Now she has this thing of I have always known what I have wanted now she has everything she wants and it bothers her cause of all these things still don't make her happy.

 

SO she wanted some space and we decied on a month. Just so she could get her self back together and think about things and if the relationship she's in she wants to stay in. Problem is her last relationships haven't been the best always turned out bad. This is the first one for her that everything works well, but for some reason can't say I love you I mean I was saying it for awhile, but I stopped caused it bothered her. To be honest I do still love her, but crushes me she can't say it back. I dont' push it on her what so ever. Just so I don't push her away more.

 

So my question is is this pointless for me to go on a break and give her the full space she needs and hope we will get back together? Or Am I just settign myself up for failure anyway? I really do love her alot and care about her, but something makes me feel like she doean't want to bother. We made rules that no talking, no chatting, no E-mails no nothing. Is that right? I mean communication is Key to a relationship. Some one Please HELP!!

 

Mrkrinkle2

[RayKay]

Well, breaks "can" work...until the next time they need a break.

 

As you yourself said, communication is intergral to a relationship, and that includes working through things when you are having problems and going on a complete break where you are not even talking to one another to resolve what is going on is hardly going to improve things between you.

 

Sure she may have some issues she needs to work on, but I think that her opting for a break is showing that the relationship is less important to her, as are some of her other behaviours and actions from your post. I mean if saying you love her BOTHERS her you two are on very different wavelengths - in other words she "just is not that into you". You should not have to walk on eggshells around her like you are doing by not saying it in fear of pushing her away, not 7 months in!

 

I would take this break as a easy way out for her to break up, and start moving on...don't you agree that you deserve someone who would be as into you as you are into them, and would not WANT a break, and would say I love you back at this point, and not tell you it bothered her when you said it? I thought so. So accept her break, but tell her you think it is best you make it permanent - it takes two to be in a relationship and it does not sound like she really wants to be there.

[DN]

I agree with RayKay. relationships should be in balance - both partners more or less feeling the same way, wanting the same things from each other etc. If there is no balance, the relationship will not work properly. You get clingy, she gets pressured etc.

 

Unless she realises that she does want the same things during the break, and it is possible, it will not work. So do as RayKay suggests and start the process of getting over her now. If she wants to come back, decide what you want to do then.

[heloladies21]

No Contact means no contact. Drop her and move on. If she ever decides to come crawling back, that's the only way you should even consider her in the future.

[Agrajag]

I thought breaks were a great way to re-kindle things

[mrkrinkle2]

Well for me the break was making me insane. But I already made the prediction that she would call me and cave. And she did. I guess it was a few things that she just didn't like about us. 1. I moved in waaay too soon like a week or so after we started dating(but I knew her for 2 years) 2. She was living in a Studio and there was no space when I Was living there. 3 She felt like we were married and that really freaked her out.

 

I guess all these factors add up. but what doesn't is that she told me she's not sure if she could ever love me. But I asked her then why do you stay with me then? She said "because you make me feel good about myself and happy". booster for me!! She told me she doesn't want a serious relationship right now. She just wants to date me. Which is understandable considering that every guy she's ever had never really dated cuase it was always a serious relationship.

 

So I feel now it's like I take a step back to make steps forward. Seems that way. Any Feedback would be nice.

 

krinkle

[heloladies21]

Watch out for her flaking out completely on you. Bring some other women into the mix. Make sure she isn't your one and only right now, otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure. If you don't want to date other women, then don't settle for just dating her. Having an open relationship means that both people are free to date other people. If only one person is taking advantage of that fact, then the relationship is uneven and someone is not being honest with themselves about what they want.

 

I'm just saying this because it sounds like you REALLY like this girl, but she's not as interested in you. I don't want to see you get hurt friend if or when she finds someone else cause that's what it sounds like she wants to do.

 

Don't accept anything less than what you want. Be honest with yourself about what you want.

[its_kathie]

He says he loves me and is confused. Our relationship touched his heart and soul and he is scared. We have been together for 8 months and it has been energtic, fun and growing. Now he (all of a sudden) he needs his space. I picked up all my belongings but the "big" stuff. That will be this Friday. He says he loves me, his life hasn't been the same since i have been out of it, and he has wanted to call. Do I call him???