For those who are hurting and having trouble with keeping 'no contact'

[cieloblue]

I was 'dumped' by a guy I was dating and I was so, so hurt. This happened about about 5 days ago but we were't together long but it still really hurt.

 

This all applies to an 'ex' and any other relationship/time frame as well

 

We weren't together for long but it was quite intense and I was very hurt. After a few days of NC (I really badly wanted to text him; as per my previous posts) because it just felt like the end of the world. I wanted him back. I wanted to feel like I was worth it. I can NOW see who he is crystal clear because of NC. The emotions erode and just give away to complete, rational thought. It is shocking to see what I put up with, ignored, and the level of respect he gave me...that I tolerated. I was okay with it because I thought that that's what I deserved. It is easy to lie to yourself. NC helps you objectively see them for who they are, and it is an ugly sight to see- as far as who they are.

 

 

 

Please realize that you are truly better than them and that you cannot find happiness in the same place that you lost it. You cannot expect someone to change just for you, the same way you cannot change for someone else. Realize that you idealize the person and that if all you want in this life unconditional love then what you want is what you have to become. Give yourself the same love and attention that they give you and treat yourself kindly. Become closer to those you already love and are blesseed to have in your life- friends and family. There are people who love you, and there is no 'hole' to fill once you are thankful for those things. Once you respect yourself, you will see the 'ex' or former date for the toxic, emotionally unavailable person that they are and realize that they are hurting deep inside and are taking that pain out on you.

 

It's okay to want to heal someone but people who are hurting tend to attract/relate to other people who are hurting. You do not need to question your worth just because one person decided that your entire, complex universe of a being was not enough for them. When they lose you, they lose you and they will realize that being an unempathetic person is not good. When you go back to them, you validate their toxicity and show them that your self-worth is low because you are okay with being used/mistreated/working with someone who clearly does not respect you on a deep level. People don't change, they show you who they are very clearly and sometimes you have to remind yourself that YOU NEED BE RESPECTED and treated with grace/dignity/kindness. Yes, you deserve it. They don't miss you when they say they do, they just selfishly miss the attention you provided them and they just don't like that you're an option anymore. They aren't after you if they text or contact you and try to drag you into their lives, they just want you to feed their ego. If you don't respond and move on from someone who was not emotionally available and respectful then you hurt them in the only place that can possibly hurt someone like this. This place is their ego. It's all about them. Not you. Make life and love about YOU. Make someone show you that you matter.

 

Someone saying they 'miss you' and other sweet nothings is never enough. You need to be able to not just hear, but see action that shows that this person really wants to love you in a wholesome way. You deserve that.

[happysingle]

Thank you I really needed to see that. It hurts. It really does.

[Long Gone]

What an amazing post. Like 'happeningle'....I really needed to read that! Thank you!

[azncleo]

hey there.

[gigicarmx]

I needed this