I don't know ...

[BuBuTo]

Hi there,

I am a young married man (29), who needs little help or just advice.

Firs to f all I am Bulgarian Guy and live in London, married Chinese girl two years ago ...But things are just not right.

My wife is lovely girl , never said anything bad to me and just love me as I am , she always helps me and care about me.

But I just don't love her...I got married to her to stop her from going back to china and breaking her study. I deeply respect this girl, she is my best friend I can say...But the pain of not being in love with someone and have to live together is too much and is taking its toll. I am really badly affected by the whole thing and things just getting worse....I don't want to hurt this girl...She is a good girl and don't want to just dump her...I can't.

Whatever I feel so bad about it.

Now she has finished her study and started work...

I don't know guys, I don't want to waste her time or make her life misery , just because I feel miserable. Oh God it hurt so bad...But I can't lie to myself and my feelings. Also our cultures are quite different...

I want her to be happy and to be happy myself, but I can't see anything else but pain. I have left everything on its own flow and my interest to do anything is gone...I am just stuck in this ...Sorry, maybe I can't see what I have in my hands, but my heart is dragging me down .She is good girl and can make someone really happy man...Oh God I feel so sorry and it's just sadness everywhere...

[annie24]

Hi - Welcome. I'm sorry to hear this. It must be very difficult for you. I bet some of our members will have very good advice to offer. I guess mine is - have you tried talking to her about it? I'm guessing you haven't yet. Perhaps you should tell her what you told us. That you care about her deeply as a friend, but you are just not in love with her, and are not happy. Chances are, she is not happy either. I think you should talk to her openly and honestly about the situation. Hopefully you two can have an amicable divorce and move onto new people whoo are right for you.

 

Take care!

[sweet_n_sexy]

ok well first of all that is not a good reason to marrie sombody u should have just talked to her about it and talked her in to not going but the past is the past u know?????? but if u really dont love her then just breake it off nip it in th bud before it turns into a full grown flower u know??? do it as nice soft loving and easy as u can and tell her the spark is just not there also tell her y u married her it will also give u a little respect okay??? i asure u everything will go fine

[BuBuTo]

I know this is not the perfect reason to marry someone...

Things happens...somethimes.

I meet someone and have a relationship , but unfortunately not in love.

I can just break her heart and leave her to pick up the pieces just because I am not in love doesn't make me heartless man.I deeply respect women and their feelings...Maybe because never have father(divorced when i was 2 ).Life is important an thing we do are somethimes more important than just ourselves...But God...it hurts me so bad, that I cant return the love that is given to me.I know i should be fine later, But i am so stuck fro the last few years that i cant even feel :

 

link removed

". Repression.

 

Repression is the most dangerous of the four R's. It comes when you are so tired of resisting that you successfully repress all of your negative emotions to "keep the peace,' for the sake of the family, or to look good to the world. In this fourth stage, you feel "It's just not worth fighting over anymore; let's forget the whole thing. I'm too tired to deal with this.

 

Note: After rejection, you automatically repress your frustration and make everything OK. You stop caring about things.

 

Repression is a state of emotional numbness. You numb yourself to your feelings in order to be comfortable. The numbness spills over into the rest of your life. You lose your enthusiasm and aliveness. Life may become predictable and boring – it isn't painful, but it isn't joyful either. You may become physically tired much of the time. The signs of rejection are: not wanting to be with your partner; always polarizing with whatever point of view they take; fantasizing about other people or having affairs. Rejection is the natural consequence of carrying around stored-up resentment. You cannot be near or relate to your partner without feeling all of your accumulated tension and resentment, so you just push them away in order to get some relief. "

 

Repression. that is what i feel at the moment...or to say situation not feeling.

I have told her before about my feelings but she is just crying herself out...and it's not the tears that make it so dificult ...is the respect that does it...

I gues that "for the sake of the family, or to look good to the world"

its not my case...

Thank you again Guys...

[UGH1607307217]

Hi so sorry to hear your situation, once again the question comes to mind, have you spoken with her, maybe the best way is to tell her just what you told us. You say you dont want to leave her to pick up the pieces...talk with her, help her get out on her own. Give her a little time to figure things out...living arrangements, belongings, etc. Its not as though you hate each other and you are fighting all the time, thats not the impression Im getting anyway. Be her best friend and maybe you guys can help each other through this. If you truly feel that she is your best friend, let her know you arent abandoning her.

 

hope that helped a little