Is honesty always the best policy?

[sasha12]

I think that I'm to honest in my relationship, and often this results in me getting hurt. How do you know when to tell and when not to? I always felt that you should be honest with the person you care about, tell them everything. but I have people telling me that i should know when to draw the line. How many of you have been totally honest about telling the person you love exactly how you feel about them, and have later regretted it?

[Day_Walker]

I dont regret being honest with people if they cannot accept the truth then its their problem not mine. If you are honest with people you have to realize that its an unpopular opinion. If you feel the need to be honest with people then do so. If they cannot accept the truth then they can find someone to lie to them.

[DN]

Honesty in telling someone how you feel is a good thing. If they don't feel the same way at least you find out sooner rather than later.

 

But in general terms in a relationship, absolute honesty can be a blunt instrument and should be wielded with care. There are times when a little white lie is the kindest thing, especially when honesty cannot alter a fact in the past or have any benefit in the future.

[mattj]

i am habitually honest and i must say that when trying to start a relationship this dosent help at all, but i am sure that in a relationship your partner would much prefer you to be honest

[annie24]

So, what exactly are you saying to these men that turns them off? When they ask, "Am I the best lover you ever had?" You say, "No actually, but you're in the top 50%" ?

 

In my book, no, honesty is not always the best policy. If your friend bought a dress that you think is really ugly, but she really likes it, and she wants to know what you think of it. You don't have to flat out lie and tell her that you like it, but you can find something else to say, like, "that is a very unique color dress! I bet no one else has one like it!" See... not a lie, but it's not telling her the 100% truth either. However, if she hasn't bought it yet, you don't have to tell her that the dress makes her look like a hippopotamus. Instead, you can say, "Oh - I think the first black dress you tried on really looked good on you."

 

Yeah - for the BIG stuff, I say, be honest. But, I don't see anything wrong with trying to make your partner feel good and confident about himself, instead of telling him the god honest truth, that yes, his penis is too small.

[DN]

ok, just to illustrate:

 

Your partner enters an art competition and comes second. You think the picture that came first was better than the one your partner painted, you can't explain why, it just looks better to you, so you have no constructive criticism to offer. S/he asks you what you think. Going to tell the truth?

 

Your partner is on his/her deathbed in extremis and tells you s/he loves you, obviously expecting a response. The truth is that you haven't loved him/her for some years but only stayed because of kids/finances/whatever. You like and respect him/her but do not love. Going to tell the truth?

[someguy69]

Your partner is on his/her deathbed in extremis and tells you s/he loves you, obviously expecting a response. The truth is that you haven't loved him/her for some years but only stayed because of kids/finances/whatever. You like and respect him/her but do not love. Going to tell the truth?

 

No, but if you were going to be truthful, you should have done it right away

 

I've said this in other threads... the world operates on lies. People cannot handle the absolute truth.

[annie24]

Well - what exactly is the absolute truth?

 

Back to the example about either the art competition or the dress. In my personal opinion, I may have not liked the art piece or the dress, but that's just my opinion. Who am I to judge? The art and fashion critics may agree or disagree with me, but I don't think that there is any absolute truth when it comes to some things. And even though they may be professional art/fashion critics, what makes that the dispensers of the absolute truth? I think in some instances, there is no such thing as an "absolute truth."

[DN]

Essentially, I think that if the truth is unkind and there is no benefit to anyone in telling it then don't.

[sasha12]

I tend to agree with you DN, but here is another example of honesty. Why is it so bad to tell a guy how much you care about him, without him getting a big ego. alot of us hold back our feelings because were afraid to be rejected or we don't want to boost up their ego. (you know what I mean) I have held back on telling my partner my true feelings many of times for the fear that his feelings might not be the same.

[DN]

I think you should tell people how you feel under those circumstances. Someone has to be the first to open up and say "I love you". The chances of that happening simultaneously must be very slim. The only caveat to that is timing - if you say it too early or too intensely you could scare people off, so I think you have to have some instinct or signal that they may feel the same way.

 

The ego thing I don't understand; if you mean that they may take you for granted or otherwise behave badly then maybe your love was misplaced to start with.

[someguy69]

Well - what exactly is the absolute truth?

Back to the example about either the art competition or the dress. In my personal opinion, I may have not liked the art piece or the dress, but that's just my opinion. Who am I to judge? The art and fashion critics may agree or disagree with me, but I don't think that there is any absolute truth when it comes to some things. And even though they may be professional art/fashion critics, what makes that the dispensers of the absolute truth? I think in some instances, there is no such thing as an "absolute truth."

 

The absolute truth about your feelings was in question, not the "absolute truth" about the quality of the artwork.

[annie24]

Well no. My honest opinion does not matter in some instances. For example. I hate poetry. Really, I do. I think it pretty much all stinks. So, for some ironic reason, I'm the moderator in charge of monitoring the poetry forum here. So, I go through and I delete poems that are offensive or have swear words in them. But, some people ask for the members' honest opinions. I don't reply. Why? Because I hate poetry in general. I can't tell the difference between good and bad poetry. So, there's no use in giving someone my honest opinion. Really, I'd just offend a few hundred members on this site. Remember - if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all!

 

I made the mistake of doing this once. I had a friend, who wrote poetry (she was also the super sensitive type.) She asked me to look it over. I, being honest said, "I'm not really the person to talk to about this. I hate poetry." I apparently offended her incredibly, and she was very upset about this. It caused a big fight (she's the irrational type - no longer my friend). Anyways, if I could do it over again, I would have just looked it over, and said, "ah - it's very nice!" and dropped the subject.

[annie24]

PS - but I love dirty limmericks!