Anyone have any experience with this type of breakup?

[Throwawy5150]

I got the "it's not you it's me" speach. She was crying, told me I was still her best friend and that she just wasn't happy anymore, that it wasn't me. There wasn't any fighting ever or anything, she was distant the previous week, she told me it was because of stress from school and finals. she told me she made the decision to split a week prior.

 

But something just seems strange about it, i texted her a week after the bu to find out why she wasn't happy. She told me she didn't know and didn't have any answers for me. I'm confident there's not someone else, my best friend of 7 years is dating her best friend who also so happens to live with my ex, they both say there's not someone else, plus no one has popped up on her sc stories besides her. I was the first to know about the breakup too, of course when it happened. She didn't talk about breaking up with me to her parents or even her best friend, the one she lives with. I think thats also strange

 

We were dating for 11 months and honestly had an incredible relationship, she always told me how lucky she was to have me. Everything was just so great. I just don't know why she left. Breakup was 77 days ago it's been 70 of NC.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this kind of bu? All she said was she wasn't happy and that it wasn't me, I couldn't get anything else out of her. Last thing I told her was I just wanted her to be happy and that I hoped she made the right decision

[reinventmyself]

Try not to over think it.

I can recall dating a couple different me and for no other reason I knew they weren't the one and I ended it.

It took nothing away from who they were and nothing happened to cause it.

Somerimes, even know we may want it, 'it' just doesn't happen.

Saying goodbye was hard, but staying seemed selfish.

[Throwawy5150]

How did you end things? I just dont get that vibe from the way the breakup went and especially how the relationship went

[reinventmyself]

. .sorry. .I typed from my phone ;( previously.

 

I did the . . it's not you, it's me speech. Because it really wasn't anything about them.

 

They were great guys and I wanted it to work and I think I acted `as if' for as long as I could, hoping that something would take hold.

 

That maybe why you didn't see it coming.

[SGH]

Sometimes relationships just run their course. Sometimes people realize that while you're a great person, they don't see a future with you. I find these types of breakups to be very difficult for both parties involved. Be happy she was mature and didn't attempt to demonize you or the relationship to make the breakup easier on herself.

 

If she hasn't come back and said that she feels she made a mistake at this point, she is probably content with her decision. It doesn't mean she doesn't miss you or what you had, but the relationship is definitely over. Try to reduce the amount of time you think about her and the breakup. It also doesn't hurt to remind yourself regularly that you don't want to be with someone who isn't committed to being with you no matter how much you may care about them. You will start to feel better after more time has passed if you stick to NC.

[RayRay63]

... she told me it was because of stress from school and finals.... I just don't know why she left.

 

Brutal truth: It doesn't matter why she broke it off, only that she chose to do that. Best to stop pondering it and move on.

 

Were you two in school/college together? Was the geographical proximity about to end? Maybe she sees a different path coming for her, one without you on it. Maybe she is thinking of moving to another city after finals, and ended it to avoid any LDR situation. These are situational things that we can't tell from your OP. Was it a GIGs thing for her, as she looked towards that future, or did she really just want to concentrate on her academic results? Not enough info to say really. But if its the the former, she is not likely going to say "Throwaway, I ditched you because I'm going off to X next year to work/further study/whatever, and I want to be free to see what's out there and find someone better". Why be more hurtful?

 

You say 10 weeks or so No Contact ... without you contacting her. But I also see that you are checking her social media and may be talking to mutual friends about her and what she is doing. She probably knows you are doing that (and you should act accordingly), and she may be doing the same. So even though you are not directly contacting her, she knows she is still in your head-space, and you are still thinking about her.

 

She isn't going to give you any answers now because, either

 

(a) She is gone for good, and she never will; or

 

(b) She isn't necessarily gone for good, but doesn't need to do anything else to keep you in reserve.

 

Whether or not you want her back, to give yourself the best chance of her providing some sort of answer in the future, you need to expand your No Contact to include not talking to those friends about her, and not checking her social media. You have to deal with things as they are now, and she chose not to have you in her life, so return the favor.

 

As a dumpee you have to take the power back. There is only one thing you can give her at this point and that is the gift of missing you - and to do that you have to disappear off her radar. She's not likely curious about you at the moment, because that information flow is going two ways.

 

If you work on appearing indifferent towards her, it helps you move on from thinking about her, and actually becoming indifferent. There are plenty of ENA'ers who have reported that when they did disappear, and eventually detach emotionally and move on, the X contacted them out of the blue. Breadcrumbs, curiosity, whatever. At that point you have the power back - and then you might ask her the question "Why did you really break it off before?".

 

She might even give you a truthful answer.