CRUSH

[mermayd]

What do you do when you are totally and completely in love with someone, have an unspoken but undenyable connection that is few and far between, and have been with this person for three years, but all of a sudden, out of nowhere, when this relationship you are in is at a "high" and everything is great, someone else comes walking into your life, unexpectedly, and makes you feel special and brings out the school-girl-giddiness you had forgotten about? I love my boyfriend deeply. I dont understand why I have this crush all of a sudden on someone else. I feel so high school. but I miss that giddy feeling, yet I am feeling guilty for enjoying its breif visit.

[xerox51]

Wow, i can say with confidence that waht you said is just about every boyfriend's worse nightmate!

 

Well the first way to approach this is to take a more conservative approach, maybe your boyfriend needs to know that you want some more spice in your relationship with each other? He probably thinks you are special but is not showing it. Somehow get the message accross to him that you need to be treated special? I suppose as relationships endure, each partner can get more complacent about each other, which is why its important to spice things up and keep each other feeling great.

 

Alternatively have you considered where you would like to be in the future? Its true that you are only young once and so it might be good to explore as much while you can. Is there something missing in your life which you desire that your boyfriend cant give?

 

Is it worth giving up on that which you have built, for something new? Consider whether the benefits in a new relationship have more ups than your current one.

 

However the one more important thing you have to keep in mind is if you wish to pursue someone else, then please by all means dont do it while you are still in a relationship. These things have to be officialy stoped or else the heartbreak is just way too much to handle. Love triangles are a B*tch, for everyone.

](*,)

[Hope75]

It's not that unusual to have a "crush" or infatuation feeling for someone else even while you are in a serious relationship. Steady love has it's up and downs, it waxes and wanes, and at times we fantasize about what it would be like to be with someone new. That doesn't mean you love your bf any less. It's what you decide to do with the feelings that matters. If you recognize that this is just a harmless crush and that, like you say, you love your bf deeply and have no intention of acting on it, I would say not a big deal.

 

However, since you posted in infidelity, I wonder what exactly you are thinking. Try to remember that any relationship given time will develop into something deeper and richer and more comfortable, like what you have with your bf now. Are you willing to sacrafice that love and dependability for a few months of giddiness with someone new? What about when that relationship grows comfortable and stable? Then onto someone new and more thrilling?

 

I would weigh your options carefully before you act. Remember if you throw what you have with your bf out the window to get what you think you want with the new guy, you might not ever be able to get it back.

[Raphael256]

That's what happened with my ex, after we had been together 3 years also and she ended up dumping me for the guy she had a crush on and breaking my heart despite saying she was so much in love with me etc not long before.

 

If you really love your bf, you shouldn't risk your relationship for a crush imo. If it was me id take some distance with the girl i have a crush on, but that's just me.

[honeyspur]

I think it is an oppurtunity to talk to your boyfriend.

I understand you don't want to tell him about your crush, but you could tell him what is missing in your relationship. You could think of the way this new guy talks to you, looks at you and then say to your boyfriend, "I notice you don't look at me a certain way, you don't take time out for me," whatever it might be.

 

If he is unresponsive or blows you off, it might be time to start thinking about a split.

The point here is, you need to take action before you fall into your own trap.

If you are tired of your relationship (you've grown as a person, you haven't had a lot of relationships and you just need some variety and more experience) you need to accept that and realize your guilt is natural. You are a caring person and don't want to hurt anyone. But just because you hurt someone doesn't make you wrong or evil, as long as it is important to your life.

 

If you are looking for a way to have an affair or a magic wand to make infidelity ok, I'm sorry, but there are no options for that.

You will be feeling guilty forever if you cheat and you will be disappointed. If this new guy is really that important to you - do the right thing and get out of the current relationship first.

Don't set yourself up for a fall.

[greenie35]

I used to have crushes on guys when I was with my ex boyfriend, but I loved him so much I never thought of acting on them, I couldnt bare the thought of hurting him. However, things changed in our relationship and we were fighting constantly. I developed the crush to end all crushes, a crush like none other I have ever experienced--even in high school. Every day I looked forward to seeing him more than my boyfriend. That was a deciding factor for me. I knew that I shouldnt be feeling this for someone if I really loved my boyfriend. We are broken up now, and I still have a crush on this man and he knows it...I don't know what's going to happen with it, but it looks more promising every day...i we didnt break up because of him. I seriously considered what I would do if this guy made a move though

[Cecelius]

Frankly, I think it means that at your age, being in a monogamous relationship is not ideal -- being committed to someone requires some perspective (meaning, some understanding that the "thrill" wears off, additional thrills come from you, not the relationship itself somehow -- there is no magic, and there is no absolutely right person).

 

I'd avoid the other guy ('cause cheating is still cheating no matter how much of a connection there is) till you're square with your b/f. And I'd talk to your b/f about seeing other people.

[Day_Walker]

There are always going to be other people besides our significant other (at a particular time) that we are going to have a connection with. If nothing else this is a constant reoccurring theme in life. A person must choose between something new and exciting and something familiar and established. If you havent dealt with situations like this before then you need to realize the implications of your actions, if you dont then its possible that the situation can be overwelming quickly. Its call going to come down to a choice of your current bf or the new guy. I would be shocked if the consensus on this board wasnt to stay with your bf. Situations like this are ones that we learn with whatever choice you make. The choice you make is your own because you will have to live with the consequences.

[chai714]

What you want is called human nature. Humans in general want what they can't have, or want what they're not supposed to have.

 

Actually acting on these impulses is something to think about though. Unfortunately, life deals us something called "consequences" after each action is taken. Some are good, some are bad. As for your situation, it's normal to have a crush on someone if you keep it a secret so long as you have a boyfriend, otherwise it will raise issues in your relationship with your man. It's nothing to be ashamed of, unless you don't have the self-discipline and respect to not act on it.