The Power of NC

[YY2K]

This is only a rant:

So after 9 months begging, pleading, and crying, I started NC with the ex.

At the very beginning of the NC, I was blaming myself for all the things happening. But as I have time to think about stuff, I realize now (10 days of NC) that he also contributed to the whole process. I realize that he has been mean to me. I just really hope he realizes that he has been a total douche to me.

[homebod]

Sorry, I'm new here, what is NC?

[Hollyj]

no contact.

[MissCanuck]

It sounds like No Contact is long overdue, yes.

 

Why did you break up, and in what ways has he been mean to you?

[YY2K]

It sounds like No Contact is long overdue, yes.

 

Why did you break up, and in what ways has he been mean to you?

 

He cheated on me several times with a guy several years back. And I took him back. It is the GIGS on his end I believe.

And then later on, he started sending nude pictures to random dudes.

At that time his excuse was because I did not see him often enough.

While I agree that I did not see him often enough, I also realize that it is hardly an excuse for infidelity.

There were other things (non-sexual) that he did, which were really mean to me. But I tried not to dwell on them since I'm trying to move on.

 

I cut all contacts.

I have not opened my facebook and insta. I also blocked him on my phone and on my emails.

I do this for me because I know if I see pictures of him being happy and all that (even though it could only be facade), it will kill me.

That, along with starting to work out again, are the only decision I can be proud of.

 

Aside of that, there is still a lot that I need to work on to become whole again.

I have to find a new job (Just graduated from grad school). However, all I can do is waking up in the afternoon, stay on bed until 9 PM watching netflix, and work out at night at the condo's gym.

 

But slowly, I can feel that the pain loses its edges and I can feel that I am me again.

We are together for 5 years and I was about to propose to him - I had the ring, the ticket to Orlando and the whole shebang. I kept beating myself up and pitied myself because in my mind this kinda thing - BU before proposal - is not something that happen IRL. But after reading testimony from other; divorce after 10 years, BU after kids are involved, etc., I just realize that I am just pitying myself. That these kinda things happen IRL. That there are others who suffer more.

[YY2K]

Alright you guys, just want to vent again.

I really REALLY want to check my FB and stalk him.

So instead of doing that, I am just typing a rant here.

I know checking his whereabout on FB will move me back 10 steps plus there is nothing good coming out of it.

[MissCanuck]

You stayed with the wrong guy for far too long. To be blunt, I cannot fathom why you would want to propose to someone who clearly does not love you or even respect you.

 

It's not GIGS. It's just plain selfishness and a lack of love for you and the relationship. This guy wasn't boyfriend material, let alone husband material.

 

In your healing, take plenty of time to figure out why you stayed despite being so badly mistreated. That will help you to stay away from toxic people in the future, and ultimately lead to happier relationship with a decent man someday. Your ex was never going to be The One for you.

[YY2K]

Miss Canuck,

 

Thanks for the advice. I will re-read your post anytime I miss him.

He does not deserve me.

[YY2K]

I am just going to vent anytime I want to contact him.

Sometimes I hate him so much, and sometimes I feel hurt so much.

But ultimately I love him and I hate the fact I love him.

 

Waking up at 11 am everyday. Have no life. No desire to look for a job.

Only working out that can release my tension. I did 500 lunges yesterday on the top of other exercises last night - ended up staying at the gym until midnight. I did not want to go home; I am afraid to be home.

[Doosha]

Hey,

 

Can I join in this venting thread?

I've been in NC/LC for the last two weeks, and sometimes I feel like my world will collapse.

[YY2K]

Yes, you can!

I also replied to your private message!

 

Diary for the rest of the guys (as I told Doosha in pvt message):

I was so low and finally opened my FB.

He did send me a message on the 30th. So the NC works.

I did not respond to him. And I do not want to analyze why he sent me the message.

But in a way, I feel that I am winning now. Like I can move on easier now. Like I feel I am taking care of myself by not responding to his message.

[Doosha]

Not sure if it counts as NC since I've met him at the gym/he showed up at my apt (for a friend and to pick up some stuff) and he txtd me few times (testing the waters) in these 2 1/2 weeks, but let's say we do.

It's hard.

Every atom of my body is seeking for him.

I want to tell him about my day.

I want to ask him if he is ok.

I miss him on the weekends and every time I watch Netflix.

I lost my best friend.

 

When he sees me, he makes a sad face.

But when he sees/hears me crying he doesn't check up on me.

I was there when he had nothing.

Now when he finally got something, I'm nothing to him.

 

I wonder if I ever cross his mind.

Does he ever dream of me?

Did he already forgive himself for everything he did to me? Because I sure didn't.

 

I'm focusing on me.

I've started meditation. Positive affirmation. Chakras cleansing.

Law of Attraction.

I've been to a concert I've been waiting for 20 years.

I've went out.

I'm socializing.

I'm growing personally and professionally every day.

I even have someone who is crazy about me and would everything to get a chance with me.

 

... then... why... why does it still feel like I have a hole instead of a heart?

Why does nothing make me truly 100% happy anymore?!

 

I don't even expect him to cone back, but I want an apology for everything he did.

I DID NOT deserve none of it.

Yes, I know... I'll find someone who will treasure me and my love.

I know.

But I've been hurt and disappointed by my best friend.

The only person who knew what I feel/think from the look in my eye.

I deserve an apology. I didn't deserve what I've been through.

 

NC sucks! It better work! :)

[YY2K]

EFF YOU EFF YOU EFF YOU EFF YOU EFF YOU!

I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

I WILL BE EFFING WORK OUT MY A$$ OFF. I AM GOING UNDER THE KNIFE TOMORROW NOT BECAUSE OF YOU BUT BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE FEEL BETTER ABOUT ME. AND YOU WILL BE EFFING SEE WHAT YOU MISS.

IN AN EFFNG 3 MONTHS, YOU WILL SEE WHAT YOU LOSE.

WAIT FOR THE EFFING THIRS TRAP PICS on INSTA, EFFER!

[YY2K]

It is more constructive than vandalizing his car and report anonymously to the police dept. of his drug activities, which I won't lie will give me a great pleasure. Effing his already-pathetic life.

[MissCanuck]

OP, you are desperately trying to prove yourself to the wrong person.

 

Until you let go of that mentality, you will remain stuck. I know it takes a while to get there. But going under the knife to show someone what they have missed is futile when they don't care about you to begin with.

[ShaniaP334]

I agree no contact is long overdue it’s hard but if you’re always there they will keep you on a string and they won’t get a feel of how life is without you

[YY2K]

Thanks guys.

The surgery went well. Yes, it is for vanity - I have a birthmark on my face which really made me having low self esteem. I was teased as a kid back then by my peer.

I have been wanting to do this for a while. Even before I met him.

Lots of people say that it's fine - unnoticable. However, I am always so self-conscious about it.

 

SweetGirl28: Thanks for your encouragement. I just don't know how to find inner peace. I am still working on it. I ALMOST called him today but then I was thinking of my NC labor for the last 3 weeks. I am glad I did not contact him at the end.

He sent me a message once 2 weeks ago. But I tried not to dwell on it and analyze it. I did not respond to his message.

 

Shania: Thanks. Yes. You are so right, I think that is one of the motivation of me doing NC with him. At this point of the game, I am not sure whether I want to take him back if the opportunity arises - if he has not changed. But for sure, I want to have the opportunity to turn him down.

[YY2K]

Update:

 

I am feeling much better. I get to the point that I don't want to remember him at all. I move forward. I still love him but I just don't want to be reminded of that part of my life.

I start working out more intensely.

Join clubs. Explore. Becoming a better man.

I also become a serial dater. HAHA.

I date everybody from the Financial Analyst bro from Midtown to nice Jewish guy from Staten Island to that butcher in Chinatown.

I just realized that since 16, I was always in relationship. I was never single.

This is the time to be single. Also occasional free dinner (if he is paying) is awesome.