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What do you make of this car pool situation?


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Okay, so pretty much, I started this job in November. It's about a 40 minute drive from my place to get there. When I first started, I met a young woman who I found out lives about 10 minutes from me and has to take 2 hr bus ride every day. She seemed very nice so I offered her a ride home, and it ended up becoming like a car pool situation. At first I felt bad asking for money, but eventually we had the official car pool conversation.


I asked if she would pay me $10 every full week I give her rides. (If she's sick or something for a day or two I always bump a few dollars off.) I felt this was fair since she didn't really live out of my way as her place fits along my route to work, and it costs me around $40 (sometimes more) each week in gas. I give her a ride every morning and take her home two nights a week (when I'm not going to the gym after work.) Which factors into why I just asked for $10, it really helps to have a few gallons covered obviously!


So we ended up becoming friends and talking a lot, and I definitely love her as a person! However, sometimes it feels like I'm pulling teeth to get the $10. One week recently she sent me $7, and I asked why, and she played dumb and said she didn't know she was supposed to send me 10 even though she had been sending me $10 (most of the time.) A lot of times I'll even have to ask her to send it to me because she doesn't always take it upon herself. Just weird stuff like that. Or she will tell me she can't swing it that week, which like I get it, it's hard out here, but then I will see her ordering take out at work or even telling me how she's going to see a movie that night, etc. Like obviously we all need to have fun, but you can't prioritize $10 dollars for transportation to work??? It's frustrating to me because if I were in this situation and getting rides, that money would be there for that person. Every. single. week, no asking required. And it's not optional to me to pay for gas, if I want to go to work I need to fill it. Not to mention this is also saving her money compared to having to take the bus an extra 7 times a week.


The she started asking me if I could take another one of our coworkers home who didn't live too far out of the way. I did this for a bit, and he never one time offered me gas money at all, which I felt was rude. And then he started asking me for rides, never offering gas money. Once I asked for some and he gave me $2, and never offered again. Thankfully he has stopped asking and I am done giving him rides either way.


So luckily lately she has been paying me with no issue and without me asking, and I'm very grateful for this. So things have been going smoothly. Now another issue has come up where she wants one of her friends to get a job at our company. In the car she told me, "She said she would give you as much money as you wanted towards gas," like already assuming I would give her friend rides if she gets hired. This made me feel pretty irritated. It's not her place to offer a possible car pool to her friend, and I don't want to feel committed to worrying about someone else's ride as well. I can hardly keep track of myself in the mornings!


Is it rude of me to put my foot down and just say I wouldn't be up for adding another person to the car pool? This person isn't out of my way either, but I'm just over it. As much as I do love my friend who I give rides, it has just been stressful to me and I will probably never offer car pools to anyone again after this experience honestly. I hate to be stingy over gas money etc, I like to think of myself as a giving person. But It's hard out here, I have a hard time with bills sometimes too, etc, sooo yeah, I'm just frustrated. Is this selfish? I have never really had a good gauge at telling if that makes sense. Thanks to you for reading in advance. xo

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It is completely reasonable to not want to put yourself in a situation that you don't want to be in. It's like driving past a hitchhiker; You're not obligated to stop and give them a ride just because you have extra seats. It's your car, so you have every right to decide who you'll allow in it, just like you would your home. Don't feel bad about it!

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She was asking, by telling you her friend's offer and was waiting to see if you would accept the offer. Say "I have np with our arrangement, but I don't want it to become a bigger responsibility adding someone else. I know she's your friend and you are looking out for her best interest but, tell her no, sorry I'm not interested taking on anymore passengers. I don't think my insurance will cover them if something does happen so you can see it's not going to work for me, even tho the offer is generous".

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I think it's perfectly reasonable to not want an additional passenger. It adds time onto your commute and you don't even know if you will get along with this other person. It's fair to cap it at just her, as long as she pays. $40 a month is very reasonable. How much would she be paying if she was still taking the bus? I'm guessing closer to $80 a month.

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