an odd arguement

[thefields]

Hey guys, me and my ex had an argument about her saying that suddenly i am trying to suck up to her by complimenting her..

for the past few days, ive been trying to show her im not wearing a mask to show my true feelings, because when we dated..i was a very kept alone person. Such as i usually wouldnt ask how her day was as much as i do now..or i dont compliment her on her achievments...but she suddenly told me..why are you trying so hard to suck up to me? just be your self. I just said what i felt, "Im trying to show you its not a mask i am wearing to try to hide what i was...but how my outlook changed on peoples feelings." What im saying is..i know now that im trying to be a better person. Our break up resulted in me realizing i need to get out more, drink and eat healthier, be more polite to others...but she said it isnt me...it isnt me to be polite?!

But besides the point here, I told her..im just trying to tell you..im hope your happy with your boyfriend and the way things are going...but she wont mention her new boyfriend. she was overpowering me with the same thing such as "im not being myself", but i really hung in there, to let her know im not trying to be who she thinks im not...I iust really wish she would have sort of a "blind emotional" date that consists of one guy that is true to others and him self..then i would jump out behind the curtain and say surprise!!

Any help or suggestions in any area here would be very much appreciated, im very confident she is still the love i had for 2 years..

 

P.S. if you want to know the whole story, read my other post on "Recover the love of my life"

[Celadon]

Hi there. I think it's great that you're trying to be more true to yourself and opening up more about your feelings.

 

Sometimes it's tough for people to accept our changes when they think they know us already. I dated a guy who insisted on keeping me in a little box (so to speak) -- thinking of me only in a certain way. When I did something unexpected, he suspiciously asked me why I was doing what I was doing. I think it gave him a sense of power that he thought he knew me completely.

 

Anyway, for you ... you said you want her back. So maybe she senses that motive in you, and that's why she's accusing you of sucking up to her. It's a difficult situation, but what you have to do is resolve that you DON'T want to get back with her. As long as you want that, then everything you do will come off like it's a ploy to get her back, really. Hope that made sense. I'm a little brain dead right now. lol.

[heloladies21]

She moved on from you and started dating someone else. She's just using you as her emotional punching bag at this point. Put a higher price on yourself and your self respect and drop her. She will never get back together with you 100% positive. Unless you're into the abuse she's dishing out, and in that case put on your helmet cause you're about to get hit heavy and often!

[thefields]

well...i will always love this girl..but ive decided to just call her up today and tell her..you know maybe we souldnt talk for a while, things are still really mixed up in my mind. You know i love you so ill do whats best, you have a boyfriend, so we cant get back together, and the whole friend thing is something i cant just shift gears and get into. So if you understand if we dont talk..thats why.

 

I dont know how else to put it...The NC thing i heard is one of the best things to do to let things cool before anything "magical" happens agian.

[Celadon]

I think that's a good idea, thefields. Try NC. After awhile, you'll realize you're doing okay without her. And you've already started opening up emotionally, so you'll meet new people and enjoy new experiences in no time. Good luck!

[thefields]

Thanks a bunch K8tie Kool Two good friends of mine know what im going through and its good theres a few people I personally know to vent too. I feel confident that if I do not call,im, txt her at ALL, things will cool off *im feeling better now as it is*. She called last night while she was driving home, asking how I was doing..I said things were ok, but immediately got on the topic of her, such as her day. I asked how work was, if costumers didnt give her a hard time ^^, how her project at school went. She just gave a few minutes to explain her day, sounds like things went well for her, and afterwards she said, well i just wanted to call because we had a small argument the other day *Read above* and wanted to check in. I told her its ok, and thats good her day went well. Then kindly reassured that she drive home safe, and have a good night.

 

Even when her and I talk like that, it comforts me that she is doing ok with out me, and im doing ok without her because it heals quicker knowing we are both happy. Im still very Vexed as to what she wants though, hehe Im tried as hard as i can to focus on her, but not overwhelm her with attention *as to why I will try to NC now, possibly pick up if she calls*

[thefields]

Also, this is a big part I left out that may have alot to do with the issues we have. I dont have a car OR job right now. This guy she is dating has a job, and his car. She did all the driving when we were dating, I even asked her if it was a problem that she always drives us places, but she didnt seem to mind all that much. I felt down that I didnt have a car to drive her with, plus I had a very flimsy half time job. But now, my friend who works at a boxing and shipping warehouse, told me that he could get me an application for a full time position. Which means the average wage is around 1200 monthly, enough to pay off any car payments *when I get one*, a steady rent wage, with have a roommate, and enough money to buy food for 2. Perhaps she will see the responsability I have taken, knowing I have gotten off my behind, and am trying to get somewere in life, so she will see I am not dependant on her transportation, better yet I will do most of the transporting, if she needs it. I will still have NC activated after my job and my new car. Plus im still wondering if the conversation on the phone last night with her was the right strategy.

Only time will tell.

[thefields]

Ah yes, also here boyfriend was recently in a car crash,which his car literally flipped. It is a serious issue, but she said he escaped with only scratched and bruises..but nothing serious. Its very shocking, that something could happen like that, but good to hear that he is ok. Should I ask her how he is doing? Im not sure if it would make her think im not even interested in talking about her..but knowing how her boyfriend was just in what could have been a fatal accident, maybe it would show her that I do care for her feelings and those around her. Usually accidents cause some to stay together longer for some personal reasons..but as i said before, just as she knows i care that she is happy, thats all that matters. any advice would help