No contact is really not working too well

[Bar16]

So i dont know if you know my story i posted a few times. Me and my girlfriend of five years broke up last week. She is currently seeing someone else which is the hardest part of this. I mean i know i shouldnt blame myslef but when i look back its kind of hard not to. This girl was at one time head over heals in love with me and i just pushed her away took her for granted. I mean i was her whole life and at the time i wasnt sure about her but when i really started fall in love with her it was too late. She said i pushed her away and she lost alot of feelings for me. But anyway so we broke up last wednesday officially. i went to her house we said our goodbyes which was soooo hard both of us crying. Her saying that she just feels like she needs to do this right now and who knows what happens in the future. So we talked a little after that on the phone and i started reading this site and everyone sayin no contact no contact so I do it one day goes by and she calls and like an idiot i answer. And all these emotions start coming back and i start saying stuff and being annoying ask ?s about the guy and if they had sex and just being plane dumb. My ? is should i not answer when she calls until im ready to talk to her without my emotions getting in the way. I honestly believe she will come back to me because we have been threw this before and she always comes back. My only problem now is will i want her back i just need some advice because for some reason we cant stay away from each other for more then a few days.

[Hope75]

No Contact is not for everyone. It's purpose is to help you get over someone without constantly being in touch with them and stalling your recovery. Some people try to use it to get an ex back, and it has worked a few times, but I don't agree with using it that way.

 

If you want to work things out with your gf you have to keep the lines of communication open. This is hard, there are alot of raw feelings there right now and you will probably put your foot in your mouth a few times.

 

It's troubling that after 1 week she is seeing someone new after being with you for 5 years. How are you prepared to deal with that?

 

You say you've been through this before, has she seen other people during your times apart before?

 

If she continues to contact you and also to see this other guy I think it is fair for you to ask her what her intentions are with you, since you obviously aren't playing around and want to be with her.

 

If she can't decide and wants to continue to see the other guy than maybe it's best that you give her some space and let her come to her own conclusions, but don't wait around and waste your life waiting for her to come back, she may not this time.

 

Good luck.

[brando]

dont answer until you feel less emotional. If the heart is racing the stomach turning, then dont answer that phone. Wait a few hours a day or so and return the call if you feel you must. The idea os to be somewhat removed, and to sound as happy as you can, as if you r realiazing this is the best thing that happened to you.. without telling her that.

 

NC is all about healing. It is all for you, not her. Get your emotions and thoughts in check.

[Bar16]

See the thing is when i talk to her i just feel really upset and hurt. Like tonight i was like if i call you will you tlak to me tonight and shes like i dont know ill be busy meaning shes going to be with this guy. That really hurts I mean i think i should take a least a week let her know what she is doing here then maybe call her but im afraid she is hiding everything and using this guy to get over me and if i stop calling her shell forget about me i dont know im soooo confused. And for the record yes we broke up before and both saw other people stoped talking for few months but everytime we saw eachother it just felf so right. I guess maybe time apart could be good for us we are both young im 24 shes 21 so i dont know. I hate to be waiting around for her i just keeping thinking about this other guy she is with and what she is doing with him. I dont know its hard cause when im around her you can tell she doesnt know if shes doing the right thing. When i talk to her on the phone her whole attude is differnt she just blows me off sometime. Its a really hard situation cause i really believe that she doesnt know if she is making the right decison and this guy shes with now is just thrwoing off her feelings.

[Bar16]

Another huge problem is she has a twin sister and she was with my BF for like 2 years and when they broke up she just jumped right into another realtionship and stayed with that guy for almost two years. Then they broke up and now she is with another guy for like 3 months now. I just think she sees that and thinks ok well i can do that to. and im scared that excatly what she is doing.

[Hope75]

It really doesn't sound like at the moment she is interested in getting back with you.

 

Since this seems to be eating at you and dragging you down, I think it may be a good idea for you to initiate NC, since it appears for now there is little hope if reconciliation and all this is doing is torturing you.

 

What do you think?

[thefarewellnote]

damn man, if you find the answer to you problem let me know. We both have the exact same story. I am 24 and she is 21. We were together 3.5 years. She left me and is now seeing someone else only after about a month a part. She sees me everyday and tells me she loves me...it hurts

[Bar16]

I think your right. its just i can only do NC for about a week or two cause we have a trip to vegas panned June 1st that I paid for for her birthday. She used her credit card to purchace the trip then i wrote her out a check to pay off her credit card. So the problem is i have to contact her to let her know that i cancled the trip and she has to give me my money. I need the money were talking over a grand here. So I figure ill give about a week or two then call her and tell her what i did. But im sure she will call me sonner but you never know.

[7CardStud]

I think the best thing to do, better then NC... Is just go out and meet new people, say hi to every girl you see... Soon you will be wondering what your ex's name is and what she looks like

[Bar16]

I have been doing that. Ive been out almost everynight its just really hard. We wernt just a couple that sat home all of our friends were each other friends and me and her were really best friends she was the best friend that i have ever had and that is what really hurts here the most i really miss the fun that we had. But i think she needs space i have really been her only boyfriend ever and if she decides im not what she wants i guess ill just have to move on ill just take it day by day. And ill just leave her alone for a lil while and see how she reacts

[h_b_k_02]

I dont know its hard cause when im around her you can tell she doesnt know if shes doing the right thing. When i talk to her on the phone her whole attude is differnt she just blows me off sometime. Its a really hard situation cause i really believe that she doesnt know if she is making the right decison and this guy shes with now is just thrwoing off her feelings.

 

You have to carry yourself confidently. I am in the same situation, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am better than the other guy, and after all, that is what it comes down to. 5 1/2 years here.

 

I popped my ex an email about a week ago, been broke up 10 months, continued to be "friends" until about start of Feb. when I found out she was seeing someone else. Did NC, she called and was sad I cut her off, asking my brother if he thought she was throwing everything away. Did NC again, she called me mad asking for something of her's back. Did NC again she MSNed me saying I left a DVD at her house. Eventually, after another 8 days NC, I called, wished her good luck on her exams, and said "If you want to see that guy you saw last week, call me". After that I also wrote an email telling her how I felt and telling her that her uncertainty is only going to hurt us both more, that I am willing to work this out IF she is, and that she always was before.

 

Well, after 4 days again NC, she bumps into me downtown, approaches me, talks to me, and asks me to go grab a bite (this was last night). She then asked me to lunch again today.

 

Just show her you're the man dude. Don't bring up anything about "US". She knows how you feel, you've already told her this, so throw her a bone and see if she bites and calls you. If she doesn't, man she isn't worth the trouble. If she does, the door is open to win her back. Just be patient and dedicated to being confident and very polite/nice.

 

Oh, and don't mess up this time. Probably on our 9th life here if we haven't already spent it.

[Bar16]

Thanks for the advice it is really helpful. I always try no contact but she always breaks it. She instant messages me like today she was like you alright. And i just said huh? and she said nevermind and that was that. I guess im just going to have to ignore her every time we talk she acts like a b**ch anyway and shes only doing it cause she has someone else and she knows she can get under my skin. So im just gonna leave it alone and see what happens. Today was actually a good day i feel really good. Me and my ex had a trip planned for Vegas June 1st i was going to cancel it but one of buddys is gettin a plance ticket and me and him are going so that makes me feel really good. Its time to get on with my life if she comes back so be it. Maybe i wont even want her back

[Bar16]

Well once again not even a day goes by and i get an email. just her saying that she just feels she needs this right now. and hopefully we can be friends and keep in touch in the future. I just read the email and deleted it!!!

[7CardStud]

I'm sorry for the pain she is causing you, each contact from her must be re-opening a past wound... I somewhat know how u feel, when my g/f and I split, she wanted to be friends... I told her I don't think I could ever be friends with her (in a nice way hah). But the bad thing is, I see her almost everyday at school, usually around some guy... It use to get at me alot, now... I don't let it get to me

 

Good Luck

[quing]

This is a very typical thing in a long term relationship, we have to face it, women of this century just go funny in the head sometimes.

 

I have been through the same thing recently with my ex of 6 years.

 

I loved her etc etc, but the few tears she did see of mine which I laughed and appologised for were when I said I will miss your spaggetti bolognase(she would later think, hey he hates hate spag bol)

 

Anyway she left me to date another guy, and you know what, as much as it annoyed me and hurt me (I did not let on to this) I said to her straight away the day before her date that I am happy for her and him and I forgive them both and that I believe he has done us a favour.

 

And you know what, it really rattled cages, and why you may ask, its because they freaken well hate it that you appear to get over them so damn quickly. She instantly started to try and make me jealous about it, I had to grit my teeth and help her get ready for her date!!!, (she had not fully moved out at this point) and then say good luck have fun, now that was hard and surreal.

 

It sucks the power from her and the ego and charm from your rival.

Don't whinge about your rival and don't praise him, don't even mention him.

She may try to bore you about him to get a reaction from you but just say " gee, anyway that was a nasty accident on the news".

 

Now when you act like this you have to make it look natural, but be emotionless and normal when they talk to you, act happy with life but don't over emphasise it though, pick yourself up and get down the gym, jump on a sun bed and get a nice tan, by new clothes whatever.

Don't contact her in any shape or form, it winds them up but more importantly it helps you over come the fear of not being with them.

This will make you feel a lot stronger.

 

Its this that makes you become attractive again in not just you ex's eyes but other women too. Women run from needy men , thats the way it is, there is a stage in a long term relationship where they hate the word 'love'. They want to hear it, but hate it.

If you get invited to lunch from after all this NC, then don't get to excited, contain yourself, remain cool and say you are busy on that particular occasion and you maybe able to have a drink or lunch later in the week.

If you have lunch then don't talk about the relationship in anyway whatsoever.

Let them do the realtionship talking and you just listen or say can we talk about nice things, worrying, let them be the sentimental ones, put your sentimentalism on hold for a while.

 

You do not need to be needy, love yourself more.

What ever happens you will be the happy one who comes out on top, I promise.

 

Now from what I have just said I cannot promise you your women back, but I can promise you that your dignity and pride will remain intact, and it will annoy them that you have not fallen to your knees to help them believe they have made the right choice.

 

Human beings only want what they do not have

Human beings resist things that restrict or control them

Human beings love themselves more than anything else.

 

 

Something I failed to mention above was, always be polite and do not rise to any arguments they may cause.

[h_b_k_02]

LOL, too late.

 

It's just turned into 1 big cycle and it is driving me insane. She went out with me after work Friday, and when I left, she goes to the movies with the butt-UGLY guy she is seeing. In some cases attraction isn't enough, you have to understand that.

 

So I found out about this on Monday, and told her "Why have you been calling me, after I specifically told you we cannot be friends". She was like "I thought we could keep contact". I must have told her 1 million times that friends, NEVER.

 

So I told her "Even if I had a choice, the new girl I am seeing had her ex leave her for his ex, and she knows nothing of you". She immidiately got mad saying that isn't right of me. I said it wasn't right of her to call me up and try to be my friend when that isn't what I want.

 

So she is back to being cut off. I have had no problem with NC, actually found it easier. This time when she calls though, I will answer, give her only 1 word answers, and that's all. She will get the point this time, as she has before, but every time we begin to feel better, they come back poking around, just to ruffle our feathers.

 

By keeping 1 word answers, I figure she'll get the message 1 way or the other. And if she doesn't come back, well then I got what I wanted (other than her), and that is not being friends. Don't give them cake and let them eat it. If they break up with you, they don't think you're good enough for them, so you know what, that person isn't good enough to be my friend either, end of discussion.

 

I'm at the point now where I can honestly meet someone else and get into a new relationship, just because the ex has pissed me off so much. I do still love her and probably always will but time to stop holding off my life and doing things to make me happy. Once I do have another stable relationship, then I can honestly say I hope she does call back, so I can then reject her, and she can feel the pain and anguish she has put me through for the past few months.

[ragtop2003]

My situation is a long story but it is similar to the ones in this post.

 

I am going thru the same thing with my ex-fiance right now. We have been together for 6 years(got engaged@x-mas) and she left me 2 mos ago and is now seeing a loser at her work.See he tells her all the right things like " oh your beautiful, sexy, oh how he could understand why anyone would want to wait to marry you, you need to leave that guy" Doing nothing but making her feel insecure about our relationship and making her angry at me. He's a manipulator.

 

My ex fell head over heals for me and absolutely loved and adored me, all she'd ever talk about was how she wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, have a family, grow old together, how she would never leave me, how I was good for her and good to her.But when she left she also felt that I wouldn't completely open up to her, at times not give her the attention she needed,which seemed to push her away. She at times felt like I didn't want to marry her since it took so long for us to get engaged and because it took me almost 2mos to set a date. Well wedding, honeymoons, new houses cost money and it takes some time to save up for that, but she doesn't believe I really was doing that.

 

So now she gives some bogus line that she doesn't feel the same and that she wants to move on. But see when women get emotional or want to argue, fight,get mad means they still care and they have feelings they are trying to fight. So if your ex is getting flustered there is a reason why. You see my ex tells her brothers GF that she can still picture herself settling down and having a family with me. Go figure.

 

She wants me to stay away but will call me with some excuse like "I need to come by and get the rest of my things" or " I need to get the money for the cell bill"( we shared a family plan).[ They call with an excuse just to talk to you or see you, their testing the waters- seeing how you are going to react.] Or she called me this morning and said "are spending Mothers day your mom?" I said yes,then she says "well I plan to spend the day with my mom and I know you've been going to the same church". I said " no I would not and that I was going to spend the day with my mom" I then told her I had to go and ended the call.

 

See she got mad at me for interfering in her life by talking to her family and friends and going to the same church as her parents. She felt like she couldn't live her life. Well the funny thing is her parents LOVE me and both her parents and her friends contacted me and they have been telling her she is making a big mistake on their own accord and that she is just "in love with something new, and that when the new wears off she going realize she screwed up and want to run back to me".

 

I have told all of them to leave her be, that she needs to go out here and find out the grass isn't greener on the other side and that she could really lose me. But she feels like I am the one ganging them up on her. Like I can't move on, and that my friend is the worst thing, if they feel like they can have you at anytime they want, they lose respect for you and don't want you. NC is the best thing- make them wonder for a while.