Broken Engagement

[watermelon0505]

I was with my ex-fiancé for just under six years (today would have been our anniversary). We got engaged six months ago and we got into a big fight about drinking. His drinking had caused problems in the past and we worked on it and he had quit. We were doing long distance at that time.

 

Now, I caught him drinking again and I confronted him and he lied. And I tried working with him and he just refused to give this up despite all the problems it had caused in the past. Long story short...I broke up with him. Then realized I made this decision too hasty and the next day I apologized and asked him to work through this and he said no.

 

It’s been about a month and he says he wants to stay friends and he wants to see me because he misses me and loves me but doesn’t want to get back together because he doesn’t have the mental capacity to deal with us.

 

We hooked up once since we broke up...not a good thing. I know. And we hung out two times thereafter for a quick hour lunch. When he’s with me...he can’t stop staring and me and telling me I’m beautiful. He’ll joke with me and treat me even sweeter than he did when we were engaged. Which is making me feel like he wants to get back together...so today being our anniversary I asked him to try to work out our issues and he said no.

 

And I asked him well why meet up and be sweet and all this stuff? What’s the point? And he says he misses me and likes to hear my voice and see me move...all the little things. And he says he loves me and thinks about me all the time.

 

I told him that I can’t keep meeting up with him and talking anymore because it hurts to keep seeing him and not be together. He’s my first love and I was his. He told me he’ll let me go for now but he’ll reach out to me when he’s ready for us again. And I asked him if he’s just saying that. And he said I may or I may not, I love you forever.

 

I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. I want him back so badly. I don’t know if it’s cold feet to get married. I don’t know how you could go from being so in love to just leaving the other person like this. It feels so abrupt.

[DanZee]

Well, he may have cold feet, or you may just be seeing the side of him that you've been ignoring all this time and getting engaged has brought it to the surface.

 

First of all, stop being confused. Any guy who would play with your feelings like this does not deserve your love nor attention. He may or may not be ready for you sometime in the future? What kind of crap statement is that? And are you suppose to wait for him in the hopes he might want you back? What utter garbage.

 

The way a relationship goes is you fall in love, and you're so in love with the person you want to get married. Period. Now sometimes things don't work out. Stuff happens. But after six years, this is what you get from this guy?

 

When you broke up with him, he was looking for a way out. He contacts you now and he's playing games with your feelings. And he got to sleep with you.

 

You know what you've got to do. You need to block him. No more lunch meetings where he moans about how he still loves you and misses you. BS! You cut off all communication with your ex so you can move on and heal. You won't heal if you keep seeing him. And then at some point, you'll be ready to start dating again and look for a mate who won't bail out on you when the time comes to propose.

[Wiseman2]

It's not cold feet, it's alcoholism. Be grateful that this ended and even more grateful that you are not marrying an alcoholic. Realize that he never quit, he just hid it better as most alcoholics do. They will always choose drink over you. Always. Does alcoholism run in his or your family? Get help for your issues and tolerance for poor treatment, lying, drinking, etc. Stop seeing him and cut your losses.