natu Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I need to get this off my chest. I spent a few years single after the end of a long-term relationship. I had a few dates, nothing serious, but that came to an end when I met her. I'd be on-and-off Tinder for awhile and had pretty much given up all hope of finding someone I'd click with, but one day out of the blue I received a message. I didn't recognize her profile, probably having just swiped right mindlessly, and I was taken aback by how beautiful and lovely she was. We exchanged messages, I got her number, and a few weeks later we met. To cut a long story short, we ended up seeing each other more and then officially began a relationship. It was a great relationship, for the most part, but she had hangups from past experiences with ex's. I was the safe option; someone who loved her and wanted to be around her, unlike those she dated previously who were never particularly bothered to be with (and, in some cases, mistreated) her. Maybe I should have stuck it out for longer, maybe I should have ended it sooner, but after over half a year of dating I made the decision to end the relationship. I was heartbroken, and I believe she was too, but I felt it was the right thing to do. Nothing much happened after that; we had a few brief conversations, one of which the tables had turned and she no longer wanted me, and another much later when I found out she was dating someone else (although, that may have been a lie). I ended up dating someone soon after, but I couldn't put myself fully into the relationship as I still thought of my ex, so I promptly ended that. Now I'm single, focusing on my life, but I'm always thinking of her. It hasn't helped that recently I was told she still had a photo of us on social media, and that she is using dating apps again. I'm not going to lie, there's still a part of me that hopes one day she'll contact me and maybe we could try again, assuming she'd finally resolved those problems. It would certainly be the only way I'd hear from her again, as I won't reach out. I know it's incredibly unlikely, and stunts my healing, but it's only human. I just wish things had turned out differently, but I'd like to think I did the right thing by letting her go. I'd like to think at the very least she still thinks of me. I hope I meant something. Not really looking for advice, per se. I know the drill...no contact etc, but anything you have to offer would be appreciated. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 It seems you made the right s decision to end it. Not all dating situations and short term dating work out. There are good times, of course but in the end this wouldn't have worked out. Link to comment
Mari Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I need to get this off my chest. Not really looking for advice, per se. I know the drill...no contact etc, but anything you have to offer would be appreciated. What did she do to you that made you feel like she had problems? I see you listed that you think she chose you as a safe option but what else was the issue? Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I don't get what the problem in the relationship was? And if you chose to end it then she won't reach out to you... Link to comment
natu Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 What did she do to you that made you feel like she had problems? I see you listed that you think she chose you as a safe option but what else was the issue? It was all a bit confusing so it's hard to put into words, though essentially she was constantly "obsessing" over her exes by way of mentioning them, what they did etc, always drawing comparisons between myself and them. It sounded like I was the better partner, because I loved and wanted to spend time with her whereas these guys would ignore her, not put much effort in etc, but it wasn't enough. It was really strange because despite all the positives I brought to the table, as well as having a great sex life and going out to do things regularly, one day she said the relationship wasn't "exciting" enough. Perhaps there wasn't enough drama for her, I don't know. I certainly wasn't a pushover. We're both fairly young (twenties). I don't get what the problem in the relationship was? And if you chose to end it then she won't reach out to you... See above. And the last we spoke, the conversation ended in such a way that the ball is in her court. Not expecting anything. As I said, I'm just struggling to let go even though I know it's the right thing to do. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Sounds like you hit the nail on the head.one day she said the relationship wasn't "exciting" enough. Perhaps there wasn't enough drama for her Link to comment
Mari Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Why didn't she want to break up if she felt that it wasn't "exciting" enough? Why did you have to do it? Link to comment
natu Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 Why didn't she want to break up if she felt that it wasn't "exciting" enough? Why did you have to do it? No idea, she never really told me. I just remember her saying that. Otherwise she claimed she loved me etc, and she didn't want to break up. It doesn't really matter. I made the decision and I have to live with it. I'm having a hard time letting go, that's all. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Keep in mind that a 6 mos intense situation was more like a bandaid from your ex and now that it's gone you are dealing with that and missing the bandaid effect she had.she claimed she loved me etc, and she didn't want to break up. I'm having a hard time letting go, that's all. Link to comment
Mari Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 No idea, she never really told me. I just remember her saying that. Otherwise she claimed she loved me etc, and she didn't want to break up. It doesn't really matter. I made the decision and I have to live with it. I'm having a hard time letting go, that's all. I was asking because sometimes people just say things in the hopes that the person will up their game, but they're just not good at saying things. Like a guy might say, "Wow, you look really fat in that dress" hoping the girl will workout more, when what he really means to say is "I love how your workouts have improved your image and I like how you're going to look great in that dress soon." Maybe she was just saying she'd like you to do something more exciting and not break up. Maybe go ask her and see while you two still care for each other? Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 one day out of the blue I received a message How long out of her previous relationship was she at that point? What was the gap between that and the one before? Was there a gap at all? I was the safe option ... she was constantly "obsessing" over her exes by way of mentioning them, what they did etc, always drawing comparisons between myself and them That sounds like she was rebounding, and had more than one ex she hadn't got over. If so it's not a permanent "issue" or a " problem" really, its just a timing thing. How long have you two been apart now? Have you used that time to work on yourself and improve? the last we spoke, the conversation ended in such a way that the ball is in her court What did you say to her? Or was it something she said to you? Are we talking about some "magic" statement off some you-tube video coach, or was it a proper conversation? recently I was told I take that to mean that you have some line of communication/observation to/of her via mutual friends? Or has someone simply seen that she still has a Tinder profile? More information please about this, it could be important going forward. I'd like to think at the very least she still thinks of me. I hope I meant something. She is probably at least occasionally curious about what you are up to, and thinks of you, even if she doesn't want to try again at this time. Maybe that will change. Maybe not. Sorry to ask so many questions, but I'm unsure about some aspects of what you are saying, and anyway, thinking about those things might give you some clarity about letting go of her. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.